60plus and loving life

All Posts By 60plus&lovinglife

Connecting with someone special…
Relationships

Connecting with someone special…

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For a long time, I believed in the fairy tale—the one where the hero rides in on a white horse to rescue me from whatever woes life threw my way. But life taught me a valuable lesson: I didn’t need a hero. I saved myself long ago. I realized that I am complete on my own; I don’t need someone to complete me. I am whole, capable, and content with who I am.

However, there was something I did crave: a fellow weirdo to share adventures with. Someone who would dance with me in the living room at midnight, kiss me when I least expect it, and make me laugh until my sides hurt. I didn’t need rescuing; I just wanted a partner in crime, a co-conspirator in the grand escapade of life.

And then, as if by a stroke of cosmic luck, I met that person. They were just as quirky as I am, and from the very first moment, we got each other. There was no need for explanations or justifications; we fit together in a way that was both effortless and exhilarating.

I am eternally grateful for this connection. In a world that often feels overwhelming and chaotic, having someone who understands and accepts your weirdness is a gift beyond measure. We laugh, we dance, and we embark on countless adventures, each one more thrilling than the last.

What more could I possibly need? In finding each other, we’ve created our own fairy tale—not one of rescue and heroics, but of mutual weirdness, joy, and endless possibilities. And in this story, we are both the heroes, standing strong together, ready for whatever comes next

imagecredit:brookehampton

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Finding Joy and Peace in My 60s: A Journey Worth Every Step
musings about ageing

Finding Joy and Peace in My 60s: A Journey Worth Every Step

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Hello lovely people, here I am in my mid 60s, and guess what? I’m genuinely, unabashedly happy.

Yes, it took a while to get here—decades, in fact.

I’ve navigated an emotionally damaging childhood, toxic relationships, work stress that could power a small country, and a couple of serious health scares. But now, I’ve reached a place of peace and joy that I wouldn’t trade for anything.

A Rocky Road to Happiness

Let’s rewind a bit. Picture me as a kid—wide-eyed, full of dreams, and completely unprepared for the emotional rollercoaster that was my childhood.

It wasn’t exactly the stuff of Norman Rockwell paintings. But hey, I survived, and more importantly, I learned a lot about resilience and the power of humor.

After all, if you can laugh in the face of adversity, you’ve already won half the battle.

Fast forward to my adult years, which were a mixed bag of triumphs and tribulations. I had my share of toxic relationships. You know the type—the ones that make you feel like you’re starring in a never-ending soap opera.

And let’s not forget the work stress. Oh, the work stress! It was like juggling flaming swords while riding a unicycle on a tightrope. But through it all, there was a constant source of light and joy: my beautiful, kind-hearted daughter.

The Light of My Life

My daughter is the embodiment of everything good in the world. She’s been my rock, my confidante, and my biggest cheerleader. Even during the darkest times, she was there, shining brightly and reminding me of what really matters.

Her kindness, compassion, and boundless love have been the anchor that kept me grounded. Honestly, I don’t know where I’d be without her.

The Path to Peace and Joy

Now, in my 60s, I’ve finally cracked the code to happiness. Spoiler alert: it involves good boundaries, positive people, and living life on my own terms.

I’ve become a master at setting boundaries—no more energy vampires or drama llamas for me. I surround myself with kind, positive people who lift me up and bring out the best in me.

It’s like curating a personal museum of joy and laughter, and the exhibits are all my wonderful friends and loved ones.

Living life on my own terms means embracing what brings me joy, whether it’s spending time with my daughter, indulging in my hobbies, or simply enjoying a quiet moment with a good book.

It means saying no to things that don’t serve me and yes to the things that do. And let me tell you, it’s incredibly liberating.

The Silver Lining of Aging

They say with age comes wisdom, and I have to agree. In my 60s, I’ve learned to appreciate the little things, to find joy in everyday moments, and to cherish the relationships that truly matter.

I’ve also learned that it’s okay to prioritize myself and my wellbeing. After all, you can’t pour from an empty cup.

And let’s not forget the humour. Oh, the humour! There’s something wonderfully freeing about being able to laugh at life’s absurdities.

Whether it’s the inevitable “senior moments” or the quirks of getting older, laughter has become my secret weapon. It’s like a warm hug for the soul, and I embrace it wholeheartedly.

A Life Well Lived

So here I am, in my 60s, happier than I’ve ever been. It’s been a long, winding road to get here, but every step has been worth it. I’ve learned to keep good boundaries, surround myself with positivity, and live life on my own terms.

And through it all, my daughter remains the light and joy of my life, a constant reminder of love and kindness.

To anyone out there still navigating their own rocky road, take heart. Happiness is within reach, no matter how long it takes to find it.

Keep laughing, keep loving, and most importantly, keep living life on your own terms. You’ve got this!

imagecredit:shweni

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Life Is Too Short: Living this to the fullest
Life

Life Is Too Short: Living this to the fullest

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You’ve probably heard the phrase “life is too short” more times than you can count. It’s a staple of motivational quotes, often tossed around during moments of reflection or after someone has an epiphany about their priorities. Yet, how many of us actually live by this simple but profound wisdom?

For me, “life is too short” isn’t just a catchphrase—it’s a guiding principle. I genuinely believe that our time here is finite and precious, and I have no capacity for negativity, meanness, or cruelty.

Yes, I have my down days like everyone else, but I refuse to be at war with my own mind. Instead, I choose to focus on what makes life beautiful and meaningful.

Embracing Positivity

One of the key ways I live by this adage is through meditation. Meditation helps me find peace amidst the chaos of daily life. It grounds me, allowing me to let go of negativity and refocus on what truly matters.

When you meditate, you learn to observe your thoughts without judgment, which makes it easier to release the negative and embrace the positive.

Surrounding Myself with Kindness

I also make a conscious effort to surround myself with kind, positive people. Kindness is contagious; when you surround yourself with it, you can’t help but absorb some of that goodness.

These people lift me up, inspire me, and remind me of the beauty in the world. They are my support system, and I try to be the same for them.

Making Others Feel Good

Another way I embody “life is too short” is by striving to make others feel good about themselves. Whether it’s through a compliment, a helping hand, or just being a good listener, I try to spread positivity.

In my small way, I aim to make the world just a little bit nicer. It’s amazing how much a simple act of kindness can brighten someone’s day.

Ignoring the Negativity

Of course, life isn’t free from negativity. There are always gossips, drama llamas, and whirling dervishes of negativity trying to pull you down. My approach? Pay them no heed. I maintain my dignity and hold my head high.

Engaging with negativity only drags you down to its level. Instead, I choose to rise above it, focusing on the positive and refusing to let the negativity of others dictate my mood or actions.

Living with Integrity

Maintaining your dignity and integrity in the face of negativity is crucial. It’s not always easy, but it’s always worth it.

By holding your head high and staying true to your values, you demonstrate strength and resilience.

You show that you’re not willing to compromise your peace of mind for the sake of others’ drama.

You’ve Got This!

Living by the adage “life is too short” means making a deliberate choice to focus on the good, embrace kindness, and reject negativity.

It’s about understanding that our time here is limited and making the most of it by filling our lives with joy and positivity.

So, the next time you find yourself surrounded by negativity or facing a down day, remember: life is too short to be anything but calm & content.

Meditate, surround yourself with good people, spread kindness, and hold your head high. You’ve got this!

Let’s make the world a little brighter, one positive action at a time.

imagecredit:mackenzie

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Sometimes it’s just really hard…
Relationships

Sometimes it’s just really hard…

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So there I was, drenched in sweat, heart racing, and fingers trembling as I finally unlocked the last clue to escape the most diabolical room ever designed by humanity. The clock stopped with mere seconds to spare. I turned to my friends, ready to bask in the glory of our victory when, out of nowhere, my ex—yes, my actual ex—popped out of nowhere (don’t ask me how they got there) and said, “That was our relationship.”

Well, ouch. But also… kinda accurate.

Let me paint a picture for you. An escape room, if you haven’t experienced one, is a place where you voluntarily lock yourself in a room with your friends (or frenemies), and then solve a series of puzzles to get out. You have a set time limit, usually an hour, to piece together clues, decode messages, and generally panic while the clock ticks down. Fun, right?

Now, let’s talk about relationships—specifically, mine with my ex. Imagine entering a room with no clear instructions, where everything is a potential clue but nothing makes sense. You look at your partner and wonder, “Are we in this together, or are you just going to watch me struggle while offering vague hints?”

The Clues

In an escape room, clues are hidden everywhere. In my relationship, clues about how my ex was feeling were just as scattered and cryptic. “Is that a happy sigh or a frustrated one?” I’d think, like I was trying to decode Morse code. And just like in an escape room, sometimes you’d find a clue, think it was the key to everything, only to realize it led to another puzzle, and another, and another…

The Team

Escape rooms are all about teamwork. So are relationships. But in our case, the teamwork was… let’s say, lacking. It was like being in a room with someone who’d rather rearrange the furniture than solve the puzzle. “Did you try opening that drawer?” I’d ask, metaphorically, in our relationship. “No, but I think the couch looks better over here,” would be the response.

The Time Crunch

The ticking clock in an escape room adds pressure, much like the ticking clock of societal expectations in a relationship. “When are you two getting serious?” friends would ask. Meanwhile, we’re still trying to figure out how to unlock the emotional equivalent of a padlocked treasure chest – without the actual treasure!

The Victory

Escaping the room felt amazing. For a brief moment, I felt like a genius who could outwit any challenge. Similarly, the moments when our relationship worked felt incredible. We’d have a breakthrough, like finding a hidden key, and everything would click into place. But just like in escape rooms, that high was often followed by the realization that another puzzle awaited us.

The Exit

Finally, there’s that sweet moment of escape, of freedom, of seeing the light outside. In our relationship, that moment came too. But instead of cheers and high-fives, it was more of a mutual, exhausted sigh of relief. I didn’t solve the puzzle, but I sure learned a lot about myself along the way.

Our relationship was one giant, complicated, exhausting escape room. But unlike a typical escape room, where the challenge is the reward, our relationship taught me that sometimes, the best move is knowing when to call it quits and head for the door.

And for that, I thank my ex. Now, who’s up for another escape room?

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When folk are overly interested in your life…
Life

When folk are overly interested in your life…

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It never ceases to amaze me how much some people love to gossip about others!

Mostly the gossip is either an exaggeration or outright fiction about others’ lives.

I’ve had my fair share of folk who flap their jaws bad-mouthing me. It always causes me to raise an eyebrow and wonder with curiosity as to what is so lacking in their lives that they try to turn mine into a soap opera!😂

Gossip is a reflection of the person doing the gossiping and not the person being gossiped about. They are weak and need other people’s approval to validate their self-worth.

The gossiper is usually a very insecure person. They talk about others so that no one notices their insecurities and their inadequacies.

People talk about others when they are not happy with themselves. If you are busy with a joyful, motivated life you really don’t have the kind of time required to engage in this type of activity.

There is a word for this: “scandalmonger. a person who spreads malicious gossip.” (vocabulary.com)

According to Insight Therapy:

People gossip for a number of reasons (that really have nothing to do with you!)

  1. To feel superior. Many people who are insecure about themselves find temporary relief in judging others. Knowing something that others don’t can feel empowering, and sometimes, that’s all an uncertain gossiper needs. But, it can also make you appear untrustworthy.
  2. They have a sadistic personality. Emotional sadism – someone who comes off as harsh, aggressive, intimidating, or demeaning is rooted in gossip. This type of character enjoys knowing that someone else is experiencing pain or misfortune, delighted that it’s not happening to them.
  3. They’re bored. When people can’t generate exciting discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can arouse people’s interest.
  4. Anxiety. Anxious people are more likely to spread rumors and partake in gossip, according to research. And since uncertainty or feeling out of control is significant in anxiety, gossiping can make someone get that sense of control back.
  5. To feel like part of the group. Alongside that feeling of connection we desire, sometimes people gossip to feel like they belong to the group. Being the center of someone or a group’s attention while gossiping can be compared to buying attention. Yet, this feeling of acceptance isn’t based on a person’s identity or personality but exclusion or maliciousness.

If you find yourself the focus of a gossip, regardless of their underlying motivation, the best thing you can do is maintain your dignity.

When it has happened to me, I never respond, I never clarify or explain and I never gossip back about the gossiper!

I always maintain my silence and my dignity. At the end of the day ALL my family and friends know me well. Those loyal to me would never for a minute countenance any garbage spoken about me or my character.

If anyone else does listen. Good. Enjoy the drama, season 2 is on the way! 😂

My advice to you is to keep your eyes on your own path. That is more important, more true and more relevant than ever listening to what others have to say about you. You know your self-worth and you really can rise above it all!

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life is good, loving life & all that it brings!
Life

life is good, loving life & all that it brings!

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Here we are almost half way through the year! Woooo, time surely does fly!

For me, this has been a great year and I am sure it will continue to be fabulous.

Last year was a bit of a dumpster fire healthwise and slowed me down a tad. But not entirely, I still kept up my dancing and gym and running in amongst it all. I think all of those things kept me going both physically and for my emotional wellbeing.

I also surround myself with the best people. My friends and family (most notably my daughter) and my partner are the most supportive and beautiful humans you could ever wish to have in your life.

I finally learned to keep my boundaries strong and to recognise early on any toxic, negative people and to either keep them at a distance or gently remove them from my life.

I don’t do drama. I do not welcome aggressive or negative people in my life. They are welcome to be whoever they wish to be – but at a nice, healthy distance from me!

My partner is an absolute delight. He is gentle and warmhearted, kind, smart, unique, funny and adorable!

We have a lot in common and he is also my dance partner. He loves my dog and cat and that to me, is also the measure of a good man.

cat on a wall climber

My dance friends are wonderful. Their energy and enthusiasm buoy me up whenever I am in their company. You cannot feel sad when you are on the dance floor! My dance teachers are also wonderful people – they are warm and welcoming.

They are supporting a lovely couple who joined relatively recently, picked up the moves quickly and recently won a couple of National titles. This couple are aiming for the world titles and our dance teachers are running a fundraising dance for them with full support from everyone in our community so we can send them across the country to compete! We all love Brooke & Pete – they are the loveliest couple you could ever wish to meet and we will all be wishing them the very best at the World Championship!

My gym buddies and trainers are likewise awesome people. They continually give me courage and strength to keep going and to aim for my strength and fitness goals. It is very much a community of likeminded people and we are welcoming of all newcomers and supportive of everyone, regardless of where they are at in their fitness & strength journey.

I retired early this year and it is the best decision and I wish I had done it earlier. I am loving living my life at my own, gentler pace. I am quite busy, but I have time and can make time to look after my wellbeing and take the occasional nap whenever I feel like it!

Apart from dancing, running & the gym. I am volunteering with my dog (George the Therapy Dog) doing one-off visits. I also volunteer with a cat rescue organisation and drive kittens and abandoned cats to carers and foster homes. I have also been volunteering with a refugee organisation. Basically, I am almost more busy than I was when working. However, it’s a type of busy that I enjoy and I have fun doing.

George the Therapy Dog

I occasionally work at my friend’s gym – on an ad-hoc basis. Usually, when she has other commitments and I can step in – again, only when it fits in with my life and my commitments.

All up, life is really good and I am happy and content. You really can’t ask for much more from life! 

imagecredit:tatyanagladskih 

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When you fall, I will pick you up…
Life

When you fall, I will pick you up…

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I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day, she has depression and some days she finds it really hard to get out of bed and start her day.

I feel her pain.

Some mornings are like that. You awaken feeling flat or down for no apparent reason.

You lie in bed and feel the weight of everything and nothing holding you down like a weighted blanket (but not the good kind).

My friend teaches part-time, usually in the mornings. That has become her lifeline. She gets up and gets going so as to not let down her students.

What is your lifeline? What gets you up in the morning? And what can you do if it all feels too hard?

Many people still don’t understand depression.

Another friend was puzzled by his friend who had severe depression, he said – “he had a lovely wife and home and job, there was no reason for him to be depressed.”

But that’s not how depression works.

You can look as though you have everything going right in your life, but still feel everything is wrong.

Depression is like a shadow that dims the brightest of days and cloaks the most vibrant of lives in a shroud of darkness. It’s a complex and multifaceted mental health condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their external circumstances or perceived successes.

Depression doesn’t discriminate based on wealth, status, or achievements – it can silently infiltrate the minds and hearts of individuals from all walks of life.

At first glance, it may seem paradoxical – how can someone who appears to have it all be consumed by such overwhelming sadness and despair? Yet, the reality is that depression often lurks beneath the surface, hidden behind carefully curated facades and painted smiles.

It’s not always visible to the outside world, and those grappling with depression may go to great lengths to conceal their inner turmoil behind a mask of “I’m ok, thank you for asking.” When in actuality they, like my friend, are battling dark demons every single day!

On the surface, their lives may seem picture-perfect – successful careers, loving relationships, material wealth – yet, internally, they may be battling a constant sense of emptiness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.

Depression can distort one’s perception of reality, making it difficult to find joy in life’s pleasures or see a way out of the darkness.

It’s important to understand that depression is not a reflection of personal weakness or failure. It’s a complex interplay of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can disrupt brain chemistry and mood regulation.

Despite outward appearances, those struggling with depression may be fighting an uphill battle against their own minds every single day. And that is absolutely exhausting! Can you imagine battling your own mind and thoughts all the time? The weariness that brings? Some days it works, other days – not so much.

The stigma surrounding mental illness often exacerbates the suffering of those with depression. They may fear judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding from others, leading them to suffer in silence and isolate themselves further.

The misconception that “having it all” should equate to happiness only adds to the burden of guilt and shame that many individuals with depression carry. We all need to be less judgmental as we do not know what is going on in the minds of those around us.

It’s crucial to recognize that depression is a real and debilitating illness that requires compassion, understanding, and support. It’s not enough to judge someone’s well-being based solely on external markers of success or happiness.

Instead, we must strive to create a culture of empathy and acceptance, where individuals feel safe to seek help without fear of stigma or shame.

Ultimately, depression teaches us that appearances can be deceiving and that true understanding lies beneath the surface. It reminds us to look beyond the outward façade and extend kindness and empathy to those who may be silently struggling.

Because no matter how well someone’s life may appear on the surface, they may still be in the grip of depression, yearning for a glimmer of hope to guide them through the darkness.

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Love Doesn’t Leave You Traumatized: Understanding the Difference
Relationships

Love Doesn’t Leave You Traumatized: Understanding the Difference

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In the journey of love, it’s not uncommon to encounter experiences that leave scars on our hearts.

However, it’s essential to recognize that true love doesn’t leave you traumatized. Whatever happened to you was not love; it was something else entirely.

Love is meant to uplift, empower, and nurture us. It’s a force that brings out the best in us, encourages growth, and fosters a deep sense of connection.

But when we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling broken, hurt, and traumatized, it’s crucial to understand that it wasn’t love at play.

So, what exactly happened?

Often, what we perceive as love is a distorted version of it – a toxic relationship, an abusive dynamic, or a one-sided affair.

These experiences can leave lasting scars, affecting our self-worth, confidence, and ability to trust again. But it’s essential to remember that these experiences were not a reflection of love but rather a distortion of it.

True love is built on a foundation of respect, trust, and mutual understanding. It’s about honoring each other’s boundaries, supporting one another’s dreams, and being there through the highs and lows of life.

It’s about seeing each other for who we truly are and accepting each other unconditionally.

When love is genuine, it doesn’t leave you feeling traumatized. Instead, it helps you heal, grow, and become the best version of yourself.

It’s a source of strength and comfort, a sanctuary in a world filled with chaos and uncertainty.

If you’ve been through a traumatic experience in the name of love, it’s essential to seek healing and support.

Surround yourself with people who uplift and empower you, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Remember that you deserve to be loved in a way that honors and respects you – anything less is not love.

As you navigate your journey of healing, remember that true love exists, and it’s worth waiting for.

It may take time to find the right person who cherishes and values you, but when you do, it will be worth the wait.

Love shouldn’t leave you traumatized; it should leave you feeling cherished, valued, and whole.

So, hold onto hope, believe in the power of love, and never settle for anything less than you deserve.

You are worthy of a love that lifts you up, supports you, and brings you joy – don’t ever forget that.

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Vibing with the right person…
Relationships

Vibing with the right person…

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What is astonishingly good is when you connect with someone and you can have an actual conversation with them.

A real, genuine – goes two ways conversation!

I know, right?!?

Not just listening to some bore droning on about the minutiae of their life.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all happy to have someone share their day-to-day with me. I can listen, be empathetic and engaged.

I’m talking about that person that literally drones on & on, barely pausing for breath and showing scant interest in you or what is going on in your life.

The one-way monologue.

The bore-fest of “me, me, me” and all their woes, constant negativity. and victimhood. Never owning their own actions, blaming absolutely everybody else in their life for everything that has gone wrong for them.

Not for one minute showing any insight into their own self-inflicted drama.

The one who gossips about absolutely everyone else and telling your everybody’s secrets and private information that you really do not want to know about.

For damn sure, they are now gossiping about you! Trust me, he who gossips and bitches about others, will be spreading your private life to anyone who will take the time to listen!

After a number of dud relationships, I am so happy I have a connection with a genuine human with whom I can have engaging and thoughtful conversations. We have shared values and can talk politics and the state of the world and know our world view is aligned.

He is mindful and smart, well read and always keen to learn more. He is open to looking at things from other perspectives. He never gossips and does not bitch about other people. Such a breath of fresh air!

It is delightful to spend time with him exploring our thoughts and ideas and sharing things we have read about and valuing each other’s perspective on life.

You have no idea how lovely it is to have this kind of relationship, for me it is rare. It’s like a caring, genuine friendship and love connection all wrapped up together and it truly warms my heart.

The last time I had anything similar to this was my first husband who sadly died 27 years ago.

I have peace of mind, I am happy as a lark and life is fine and dandy🥰

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Someday…
Relationships

Someday…

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It really is true.

Sometimes we give our love to the very wrong people.

And eventually we realize.

We understand that our love has been wasted on the narcissists, the negative/emotionally abusive ones, the emotionally distant ones and those that are just incapable of showing love.

Then along comes someone who is truly worthy of sharing our love. The person who just ‘gets’ you, the person who shares your sense of humour, the person who has the time to listen and understand who you are and the life journey you have been travelling and you understand theirs and there is no judgement.

Those conversations that start and spark ideas & thoughts and then suddenly several hours have passed and you look at each other and you just know.

Someone with common values and beliefs. Someone who is caring towards other people and animals.

That person, who when you look at them, you think “yes, it’s you.”

Then you know that life just got a heck of a lot better and the journey ahead will be fun & adventurous and full of shared experiences.

Let go of the ones who are not right for you and move towards the one who is meant to be in your life.

It is all a learning experience, sometimes it’s a bit hard and not what we wanted to have to deal with and survive. But look at you! You have survived and now you are thriving – go get it! ❤️❤️

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