I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day, she has depression and some days she finds it really hard to get out of bed and start her day.
I feel her pain.
Some mornings are like that. You awaken feeling flat or down for no apparent reason.
You lie in bed and feel the weight of everything and nothing holding you down like a weighted blanket (but not the good kind).
My friend teaches part-time, usually in the mornings. That has become her lifeline. She gets up and gets going so as to not let down her students.
What is your lifeline? What gets you up in the morning? And what can you do if it all feels too hard?
Many people still don’t understand depression.
Another friend was puzzled by his friend who had severe depression, he said – “he had a lovely wife and home and job, there was no reason for him to be depressed.”
But that’s not how depression works.
You can look as though you have everything going right in your life, but still feel everything is wrong.
Depression is like a shadow that dims the brightest of days and cloaks the most vibrant of lives in a shroud of darkness. It’s a complex and multifaceted mental health condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their external circumstances or perceived successes.
Depression doesn’t discriminate based on wealth, status, or achievements – it can silently infiltrate the minds and hearts of individuals from all walks of life.
At first glance, it may seem paradoxical – how can someone who appears to have it all be consumed by such overwhelming sadness and despair? Yet, the reality is that depression often lurks beneath the surface, hidden behind carefully curated facades and painted smiles.
It’s not always visible to the outside world, and those grappling with depression may go to great lengths to conceal their inner turmoil behind a mask of “I’m ok, thank you for asking.” When in actuality they, like my friend, are battling dark demons every single day!
On the surface, their lives may seem picture-perfect – successful careers, loving relationships, material wealth – yet, internally, they may be battling a constant sense of emptiness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.
Depression can distort one’s perception of reality, making it difficult to find joy in life’s pleasures or see a way out of the darkness.
It’s important to understand that depression is not a reflection of personal weakness or failure. It’s a complex interplay of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can disrupt brain chemistry and mood regulation.
Despite outward appearances, those struggling with depression may be fighting an uphill battle against their own minds every single day. And that is absolutely exhausting! Can you imagine battling your own mind and thoughts all the time? The weariness that brings? Some days it works, other days – not so much.
The stigma surrounding mental illness often exacerbates the suffering of those with depression. They may fear judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding from others, leading them to suffer in silence and isolate themselves further.
The misconception that “having it all” should equate to happiness only adds to the burden of guilt and shame that many individuals with depression carry. We all need to be less judgmental as we do not know what is going on in the minds of those around us.
It’s crucial to recognize that depression is a real and debilitating illness that requires compassion, understanding, and support. It’s not enough to judge someone’s well-being based solely on external markers of success or happiness.
Instead, we must strive to create a culture of empathy and acceptance, where individuals feel safe to seek help without fear of stigma or shame.
Ultimately, depression teaches us that appearances can be deceiving and that true understanding lies beneath the surface. It reminds us to look beyond the outward façade and extend kindness and empathy to those who may be silently struggling.
Because no matter how well someone’s life may appear on the surface, they may still be in the grip of depression, yearning for a glimmer of hope to guide them through the darkness.
Life is a journey – some of it difficult, some easy. Our path twists & turns and occasionally doubles back on itself. The people that we choose to allow into our lives can have a profound impact on our life journey and our emotional wellbeing.
In my journey, I’ve come to appreciate the profound benefits that come from firmly closing the door on negative people, those who emit low vibrations and seldom seek the help they need.
Instead, I’ve made the conscious choice to surround myself with loving, kind, warm, giving, and positive individuals who uplift my spirit and nurture my well-being. The transformation has been nothing short of extraordinary, and I’m eager to share the profound impact of this decision on my life.
Negativity has a way of seeping into our lives like a slow, creeping fog. It can be subtle, at first, like a whisper in the back of our minds, but if left unchecked, it can envelop us in a shroud of doubt, anxiety, and unhappiness.
These are the low vibrational energies that often emanate from negative people—individuals who may be struggling with their own demons but rarely seek the help they need.
For far too long, I allowed these negative forces to infiltrate my life, draining my energy and clouding my perspective.
It was a heavy burden to bear, and I realized that I needed to make a change. I needed to close the door on negativity and create space for the positivity that I deserved.
The act of firmly shutting that door was both liberating and empowering. It was a declaration that I valued my own well-being, and I refused to let anyone, or anything jeopardize it.
It was a statement that I would no longer be a receptacle for the negative energy of others.
By doing so, I created room for a different kind of energy—the warm, loving, and positive vibrations of people who genuinely care for my well-being.
These individuals radiated kindness and positivity, and their presence brought with it a sense of peace and contentment that I had long yearned for.
Surrounding myself with loving and kind individuals has had a transformative effect on my life. Their positivity is infectious, and it has seeped into every corner of my existence. It has bolstered my confidence, enhanced my mental and emotional well-being, and reignited my zest for life.
In their company, I have rediscovered the joy of simple pleasures, the beauty in everyday moments, and the power of genuine human connection.
They have become my support system, my cheerleaders, and my confidants, offering unwavering encouragement in times of need and celebration during moments of triumph.
While I believe that negativity is often a cry for help, it’s a journey that individuals must embark on themselves.
We can extend a hand and offer assistance, but ultimately, they must choose to seek the help they need to break free from the shackles of negativity. Until then, we must prioritize our own well-being and protect our positive energy.
Life is a beautiful thing when you firmly close the door to negativity and no longer allow it to seep into your life.
It’s a conscious choice to surround yourself with love, kindness, warmth, and positivity—a choice that has the power to transform your existence from one of darkness and doubt to one of light and limitless potential.
As I bask in the warm embrace of positive energies, I am reminded that we have the agency to curate our own lives.
We can choose who we allow in, and by surrounding ourselves with loving, kind, and positive individuals, we create a life filled with joy, love, and the profound beauty of positivity.
I have had a lot of time this year to reflect on my life. Time spent in countless medical waiting rooms to see various specialists, waiting for scans, staying still in scanning machines and a few stays in hospital for operations and other procedures.
All up I am deeply grateful for my life. I have the most wonderful, loving people around me and I could not be more blessed. Yes, there have been challenges and sometimes I have ended up in tears when it all got a bit overwhelming. But equally I have laughed many times at the absurdity of things and very much realise that life is strange, fabulous, harsh, beautiful and the most precious gift that we have.
When I have felt overwhelmed I have thought to myself “ok, deal with this one thing and move forwards.” Mostly that works. Occasionally, it’s like “seriously universe?” Overall, I am reminded that I am fortunate to live in a country with excellent health care and that I can afford private health insurance (I prefer private rooms in hospital – that’s just me and I am deeply grateful for the privilege.)
Today I reflect on all the things that brought me to this point in life. It has been a wonderous journey, occasionally strange and some wrong turns. But I always get back on track, put one foot in front of the other and look towards the future whilst appreciating my here and now.
I have some beautiful friends around me who always offer their love and support. I have been saddened to see four long-term relationships end over the last couple of months for some of my dearest friends. Each of my friends are the kindest, sweetest and most loving of people. It is now my turn to offer my loving friendship and support to them to be a small part of their path forwards into their new lives.
They are all at various stages in the grief process and it is heartbreaking to see them go through this challenge.💔 There is shock and bafflement as to why things have to end. I have wrapped my arms around them (two in person and two virtually due to distance) and told them they are beautiful souls who deserve to be loved and cherished. They really, really do deserve the very best.
Yesterday was RUOK Day and I am reminded that we do need to care for each other and reach out, not just today, but everyday and ask “how are you?” Do it from a place of authenticity. Ask with a genuine belief that you want to hear the answer. A lot of people are not ok at all. Many do not want to share their grief, pain or depression. But if you give them the space and be prepared to listen, hear and offer empathy, then you may help someone open up.
You don’t have to fix things for them. Often listening is enough or a start at least. I have had times where I have been stoic and just pushed through things. Other days I have walked into work feeling mostly fine, then someone says “hey, how are you?” and I end up in tears. I am deeply fortunate that I work in a very supportive environment with really wonderful people and an understanding and empathetic boss.
I am the Safety & Wellbeing officer in my workplace. For RUOK Day I took my dog into work (he’s a registered therapy dog) for customers and team to pet and cuddle. One girl said she was feeling really down that day and seeing George immediately lifted her spirits and changed the tone of her day.
Georgie-boy
My message to you all is to be gentle with yourself. Life has many twists and turns. We can have our hearts broken, we can suffer sudden or chronic illness, we can lose people. But if we genuinely and carefully nurture ourselves, then we have the capacity and bandwidth to help each other through the good times and the bad.
As I take one step after another into my future I am fortunate to have my daughter, family & friends by my side offering love and support, laughter and joy. Equally, I am there for them for anything they may face – good or bad – now and in the times ahead. Gratitude is my daily mantra:
I put my energy into things that matter to me. I am grateful for my life’s challenges for helping me grow and become who I am. I am grateful for my dreams and I know I have the power to manifest them. I love myself, respect myself, and accept myself exactly as I am.
Gratitude is an interesting concept. It’s important to acknowledge what we have in life for which we can be grateful. Sometimes it’s challenging to find something. When life is testing you or presenting you with serious challenges you can lose sight of the good things.
I’ve had a rocky start to 2023. It began with a long-term relationship ending suddenly and abruptly. However, with time to reflect, I have realized it was one of the best things to happen. The person who removed themselves from my life was not good for me and given the things that happened shortly afterwards, I am deeply and sincerely grateful that they decided to end things. It has given me the space and time to reflect, move on and prioritize my own well-being.
In rapid succession I was diagnosed with breast cancer, then non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and a wee bout of Covid thrown into the mix! In the weirdest way I am grateful I found the lump in my breast and eventually got the surprising (and unwelcome) diagnosis of cancer. Because of that I had scans that picked up the non-Hodgkins.
If the other person had not decided to walk himself out of my life – I think my health would have been far worse as the stress and impact on my emotional and physical wellbeing would have been overly taxing!
As for my health journey, I am feeling fantastic. I have a team of medicos looking after me and I have a Naturopath for the complementary treatments and advice. I have tweaked my diet to be even healthier than ever, no alcohol, no refined sugar and exercise daily.
For me gratitude is important. Even if it’s just “hey, I woke up and here I am!” I am meditating daily and I have found that is so helpful in staying centred, calm and balanced emotionally.
What am I grateful for?
my daughter (she is my rock)
my sister (she is in touch daily and we share health updates and humour)
my body (it has allowed me to recover from surgery quickly and it is capable of so many things)
my dog (he is awesome!)
my job (it’s fun and I have the best colleagues)
my meditation app (Balance – check it out and no, I’m not paid to promote it)
My gym (I have literally the best trainers and gym buddies)
My friends (they know when to get in touch and when to let me get on with things)
My dance classes and teachers and dance friends (they are supportive and fun)
The place where I live (it is literally paradise on earth!)
Running (I love to get outdoors and go for a run, living near the river is a bonus!)
Hiking and getting out into the countryside (I find my emotional well-being is uplifted)
My medical team (I don’t always agree with them, but they are all fabulous in looking after me)
The amazing women and men I have met on this cancer journey (their strength and endurance astounds me, our gallows humour is the best!)
And you! All of you 🥰
I probably have many more things to be grateful for and I will add to the list when I think of them
Lastly, I would like to acknowledge gratitude to the man who walked out of my life at the beginning of the year, he did me a favour by leaving and for that I am deeply grateful. I wish him well in life (far, far away from me!😂)
.
It is important to forgive. The best way to move forward in life is to forgive those who either intentionally or unintentionally hurt us. There is actual research to support this concept – click this link from the Mayo Clinic to read about the benefits of forgiveness.
“By embracing forgiveness, you also can embrace peace and hope” I love that quote. I aim for a peaceful life and I remain optimistic, often in the face of challenging situations. That allows me to have hope for the future and to always move forwards in life.
Forgiveness does not mean you accept another’s poor behaviour. It’s not about them, it’s about yourself and letting go of the pain that holds you back.
Benefits of forgiveness include:
Healthier relationships.
Improved mental health.
Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
Fewer symptoms of depression.
Lower blood pressure.
A stronger immune system.
Improved heart health.
Improved self-esteem.
Here is a good mantra you can try if you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship:
I can honestly say that I forgive you. I forgive the hurt you caused me, both intentional and possibly unintentional. I understand that you inflict emotional pain because of your insecurities and fears and long-held anger. I can forgive you and let it all go. By forgiving I can reclaim my peace of mind and feel a true sense of lightness and freedom.
I can also forgive myself for staying in that situation far longer than was healthy for my heart, mind and spirit.
That way you will release any hurt you are holding onto and be able to move forwards
This weekend has been emotionally fraught and draining. It’s Sunday afternoon and I have been feeling quite wiped out. I was messaging my daughter and told her I might go for a swim or just be lazy.
She replied immediately and said to go for a swim as it would make me feel better and she’s correct.
Mind you, it wasn’t that straightforward. Fortunately, I live in a town where we have lots of public swimming pools. The first one I went to was closing as the power had gone out in the neighbourhood.
So I went a couple suburbs over to my other favourite pool. Hopped in and swam 14 laps and the pool attendant called out to me to stop. They were putting up the wall to turn the 50 metre pool into a 25 metre pool. They do that sometimes if they are having kids lessons in the other half.
I usually like to swim at least 20 laps of the 50 metre. I could have continued with the 25 metre after waiting a few minutes for them to raise the wall in the middle. But I thought, you know what? 14 laps are good for today and I sure did feel a lot better.
I find swimming soothing and meditative. I find I can ease stressed emotions and basically let go of what is bothering me. I was also composing this blog post as I swam along.
Swimming is a great all round exercise, it doesn’t stress your joints as it’s low-impact. It’s a workout for your whole body, it’s good for your heart and lungs and really good for your mental health/emotional wellbeing. Check out this article for more information on the benefits of swimming.
I love to swim in the summer months and try to go at least once/week. During the winter I find it a bit more challenging to fling myself in the water, but when I do I always love it! Another benefit for my being a “senior” now is that I get discounted entry to the pool!
What’s not to love? Oh and I love my new swimsuit – Speedos – comfy and flexible, perfect for swimming and check out the green!
Everyone talks about gratitude and how to include gratefulness into your everyday life. Whether that’s thinking of 5 things to be grateful for when you wake up or recalling 5 things from the day when you go to sleep. You can even buy a “gratitude journal” to record and review your thoughts.
I try to remember to incorporate thoughts of gratitude most days. Some days are easier. For example, when it’s a lovely sunny day or something goes well in my daily life or my dog looks at me in that cute, doggie way!
When I was younger the thought of gratitude was not high on my list. I had a lot of resentments about life. Why did my relationships always end (and often end badly), why couldn’t I hang on to someone? Why were my jobs so difficult? I had many great career opportunities in my mid life, but the early years were difficult, heck so were some of my career choices! I’ve also had my fair share of mean or bullying bosses and that can make your work life intolerable.
I often used to say to myself that if either my work life or my relationship life were ok, then I was fine. But if both fell apart, then life became overwhelming! There were times when both did spectacularly fall apart and I’d be left reeling.
At one point I went to see a psychologist to try and figure things out with some counselling. They said I was smart enough to figure things out for myself (really? then why was I in their office seeking help?) I got sent home with a bunch of articles and notes on books I should read. The one takeaway that I found of value was the concept of daily gratitude.
Initially it was a struggle to find things that invoked gratitude, but it did become easier over time. Although it is always easier if life is being reasonable! However, it is definitely worth it when life is complex and difficult.
Several years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and that diagnosis actually helped a lot. It made sense of things and I finally understood that constant feeling of underlying dread and fear that has been a constant thread in my life. I try to maintain a “drama” free lifestyle and I prefer to not have people or situations in my life that create mayhem and havoc. Sometimes it is unavoidable and I have had people who are manipulative and controlling trying to have a negative impact on my life.
However, I am way better at identifying this behaviour from the get-go and that really changes my response. I create a safe space within my mind and my heart that allows me the distance needed to understand what is going on and to recognize that it is not about me, it’s about them! ❤️
It’s beautiful Spring weather in my part of the world. Finally! After a very soggy and rainy winter we are seeing some sunny days. It seemed the perfect time to head out into nature over the weekend and visit one of our national parks. It’s wildflower season and there are beautiful blooms out there. I love the native flowers the most. However, we have a tulip festival in our town at this time of year and the tulips were glorious in all their colours!Tulips
I’ve long believed that taking time out of the city and getting into nature is great for my emotional wellbeing and I’ve recently read research that supports my thoughts. Every time I have the chance to have a weekend in the countryside, I feel a sense of peace and tranquility as soon as I leave behind the suburbs and drive alongside country roads surrounded by trees. The stresses of life seem to melt away tree-by-tree. This is partly by being in nature and partly because being away from work and other stressors, there is this sense that you must let go, at least for a while.
Back to reality now, but not too soon. It’s a long weekend here, so I have the day free. I decided to go for a 10k run this morning. I usually run around 5-6k, but I’m nearing the end of a running challenge for September, called The Long Run, a fundraiser for prostate cancer.
I’m in a bit of a competition with a couple of my workmates and as much as I love younger people, they think it’s a done deal that one or other of them will have the most kilometres by the end of the month. I’d slipped a bit in my km’s last week as I had acute bronchitis and pharyngitis.
Feeling all better, I tied up my running shoes this morning and off I went. Only to come a cropper at the 4.5k mark. Tripped (no idea on what or if it’s just my own feet getting in the way) ? I landed on my hands, elbows and one knee. Ripped a hole in the knee of my favourite running tights and scraped myself up a bit! I figured I was close to the 5k turnaround and unless I called a rideshare to get me home, I may as well trot along and finish the 10k.
