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When you fall, I will pick you up…

I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day, she has depression and some days she finds it really hard to get out of bed and start her day.

I feel her pain.

Some mornings are like that. You awaken feeling flat or down for no apparent reason.

You lie in bed and feel the weight of everything and nothing holding you down like a weighted blanket (but not the good kind).

My friend teaches part-time, usually in the mornings. That has become her lifeline. She gets up and gets going so as to not let down her students.

What is your lifeline? What gets you up in the morning? And what can you do if it all feels too hard?

Many people still don’t understand depression.

Another friend was puzzled by his friend who had severe depression, he said – “he had a lovely wife and home and job, there was no reason for him to be depressed.”

But that’s not how depression works.

You can look as though you have everything going right in your life, but still feel everything is wrong.

Depression is like a shadow that dims the brightest of days and cloaks the most vibrant of lives in a shroud of darkness. It’s a complex and multifaceted mental health condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their external circumstances or perceived successes.

Depression doesn’t discriminate based on wealth, status, or achievements – it can silently infiltrate the minds and hearts of individuals from all walks of life.

At first glance, it may seem paradoxical – how can someone who appears to have it all be consumed by such overwhelming sadness and despair? Yet, the reality is that depression often lurks beneath the surface, hidden behind carefully curated facades and painted smiles.

It’s not always visible to the outside world, and those grappling with depression may go to great lengths to conceal their inner turmoil behind a mask of “I’m ok, thank you for asking.” When in actuality they, like my friend, are battling dark demons every single day!

On the surface, their lives may seem picture-perfect – successful careers, loving relationships, material wealth – yet, internally, they may be battling a constant sense of emptiness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.

Depression can distort one’s perception of reality, making it difficult to find joy in life’s pleasures or see a way out of the darkness.

It’s important to understand that depression is not a reflection of personal weakness or failure. It’s a complex interplay of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can disrupt brain chemistry and mood regulation.

Despite outward appearances, those struggling with depression may be fighting an uphill battle against their own minds every single day. And that is absolutely exhausting! Can you imagine battling your own mind and thoughts all the time? The weariness that brings? Some days it works, other days – not so much.

The stigma surrounding mental illness often exacerbates the suffering of those with depression. They may fear judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding from others, leading them to suffer in silence and isolate themselves further.

The misconception that “having it all” should equate to happiness only adds to the burden of guilt and shame that many individuals with depression carry. We all need to be less judgmental as we do not know what is going on in the minds of those around us.

It’s crucial to recognize that depression is a real and debilitating illness that requires compassion, understanding, and support. It’s not enough to judge someone’s well-being based solely on external markers of success or happiness.

Instead, we must strive to create a culture of empathy and acceptance, where individuals feel safe to seek help without fear of stigma or shame.

Ultimately, depression teaches us that appearances can be deceiving and that true understanding lies beneath the surface. It reminds us to look beyond the outward façade and extend kindness and empathy to those who may be silently struggling.

Because no matter how well someone’s life may appear on the surface, they may still be in the grip of depression, yearning for a glimmer of hope to guide them through the darkness.

imagecredit:insprepositive

 

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…and forgive those who trespass against us

It is important to forgive. The best way to move forward in life is to forgive those who either intentionally or unintentionally hurt us. There is actual research to support this concept – click this link from the Mayo Clinic to read about the benefits of forgiveness.

“By embracing forgiveness, you also can embrace peace and hope” I love that quote. I aim for a peaceful life and I remain optimistic, often in the face of challenging situations. That allows me to have hope for the future and to always move forwards in life.

Forgiveness does not mean you accept another’s poor behaviour. It’s not about them, it’s about yourself and letting go of the pain that holds you back.

Benefits of forgiveness include:

  • Healthier relationships.
  • Improved mental health.
  • Less anxiety, stress and hostility.
  • Fewer symptoms of depression.
  • Lower blood pressure.
  • A stronger immune system.
  • Improved heart health.
  • Improved self-esteem.

Here is a good mantra you can try if you’ve ever been in a toxic relationship:

I can honestly say that I forgive you. I forgive the hurt you caused me, both intentional and possibly unintentional. I understand that you inflict emotional pain because of your insecurities and fears and long-held anger. I can forgive you and let it all go. By forgiving I can reclaim my peace of mind and feel a true sense of lightness and freedom.

I can also forgive myself for staying in that situation far longer than was healthy for my heart, mind and spirit.

That way you will release any hurt you are holding onto and be able to move forwards

 

 

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Gratitude

What does gratitude look like to you?

Everyone talks about gratitude and how to include gratefulness into your everyday life. Whether that’s thinking of 5 things to be grateful for when you wake up or recalling 5 things from the day when you go to sleep. You can even buy a “gratitude journal” to record and review your thoughts.

I try to remember to incorporate thoughts of gratitude most days. Some days are easier. For example, when it’s a lovely sunny day or something goes well in my daily life or my dog looks at me in that cute, doggie way!

When I was younger the thought of gratitude was not high on my list. I had a lot of resentments about life. Why did my relationships always end (and often end badly), why couldn’t I hang on to someone? Why were my jobs so difficult? I had many great career opportunities in my mid life, but the early years were difficult, heck so were some of my career choices! I’ve also had my fair share of mean or bullying bosses and that can make your work life intolerable.

I often used to say to myself that if either my work life or my relationship life were ok, then I was fine. But if both fell apart, then life became overwhelming! There were times when both did spectacularly fall apart and I’d be left reeling.

At one point I went to see a psychologist to try and figure things out with some counselling. They said I was smart enough to figure things out for myself (really? then why was I in their office seeking help?) I got sent home with a bunch of articles and notes on books I should read. The one takeaway that I found of value was the concept of daily gratitude.

Initially it was a struggle to find things that invoked gratitude, but it did become easier over time. Although it is always easier if life is being reasonable! However, it is definitely worth it when life is complex and difficult.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and that diagnosis actually helped a lot. It made sense of things and I finally understood that constant feeling of underlying dread and fear that has been a constant thread in my life. I try to maintain a “drama” free lifestyle and I prefer to not have people or situations in my life that create mayhem and havoc. Sometimes it is unavoidable and I have had people who are manipulative and controlling trying to have a negative impact on my life.

However, I am way better at identifying this behaviour from the get-go and that really changes my response. I create a safe space within my mind and my heart that allows me the distance needed to understand what is going on and to recognize that it is not about me, it’s about them! ❤️

 

 

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