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Love Doesn’t Leave You Traumatized: Understanding the Difference
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Love Doesn’t Leave You Traumatized: Understanding the Difference

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In the journey of love, it’s not uncommon to encounter experiences that leave scars on our hearts.

However, it’s essential to recognize that true love doesn’t leave you traumatized. Whatever happened to you was not love; it was something else entirely.

Love is meant to uplift, empower, and nurture us. It’s a force that brings out the best in us, encourages growth, and fosters a deep sense of connection.

But when we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling broken, hurt, and traumatized, it’s crucial to understand that it wasn’t love at play.

So, what exactly happened?

Often, what we perceive as love is a distorted version of it – a toxic relationship, an abusive dynamic, or a one-sided affair.

These experiences can leave lasting scars, affecting our self-worth, confidence, and ability to trust again. But it’s essential to remember that these experiences were not a reflection of love but rather a distortion of it.

True love is built on a foundation of respect, trust, and mutual understanding. It’s about honoring each other’s boundaries, supporting one another’s dreams, and being there through the highs and lows of life.

It’s about seeing each other for who we truly are and accepting each other unconditionally.

When love is genuine, it doesn’t leave you feeling traumatized. Instead, it helps you heal, grow, and become the best version of yourself.

It’s a source of strength and comfort, a sanctuary in a world filled with chaos and uncertainty.

If you’ve been through a traumatic experience in the name of love, it’s essential to seek healing and support.

Surround yourself with people who uplift and empower you, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Remember that you deserve to be loved in a way that honors and respects you – anything less is not love.

As you navigate your journey of healing, remember that true love exists, and it’s worth waiting for.

It may take time to find the right person who cherishes and values you, but when you do, it will be worth the wait.

Love shouldn’t leave you traumatized; it should leave you feeling cherished, valued, and whole.

So, hold onto hope, believe in the power of love, and never settle for anything less than you deserve.

You are worthy of a love that lifts you up, supports you, and brings you joy – don’t ever forget that.

imagecredit:justbereal

 

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Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns
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Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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We’ve all been there—choosing emotionally unavailable or shady partners, falling into the trap of people-pleasing, wrestling with perfectionism, and getting caught in the endless loop of overthinking.

For sure I have had experience with a really shady partner some time ago. He was a full-blown narcissist, emotionally unavailable, emotionally corrupt and he enjoyed causing pain to all those who unfortunately had dealings with him.

The weekend prior to our breakup was classic. He had undergone cosmetic treatment to his eyelids (vain af he was😂). I spent that entire weekend looking after him. He literally could barely open his eyes, they were so swollen and bruised. So I went over to his place, cooked his meals, took groceries to last him the week ahead as he was too vain to be seen out in public after his procedure. I brought wine, chocolates and all his favorite things to eat. I literally babied him the entire weekend.

Then he broke up with me in a text message the day I returned home.

Was I surprised? Yes and no. I knew the relationship was on its last legs. I knew he was toxic and causing me emotional distress and damage.

I knew he used me for emotional support for all the dramas he had been going through, there was absolutely no gratitude or kindness on his end.

So, yeah – it had to end. But it was still brutal. I had cared for him and nurtured him and my reward was a shitty little text breaking it off.

It happens, it shouldn’t, people should behave better. But some just cannot. They treat people as disposable.

We need to ensure that we stay safe, have good boundaries, surround ourselves with genuine, loving family and friends.

It’s a familiar narrative, one that many of us find ourselves entangled in at different points in our lives.

The question is: How do we break free from these patterns and declutter the emotional baggage that holds us back?

Choosing Emotional Availability Over Shadiness

Understanding Emotional Unavailability:

Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable can be a deeply ingrained pattern.

It often stems from our own insecurities or a desire to fix and nurture others. However, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward change.

The Decluttering Process:

Begin by reflecting on your own emotional needs and boundaries. What are your deal-breakers?

What do you truly deserve in a relationship? Letting go of emotionally unavailable partners means making space for connections that are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional availability.

Breaking the Chains of People-Pleasing

Identifying People-Pleasing Patterns:

People-pleasing is a common struggle for many, driven by a fear of rejection or conflict.

It often leaves us exhausted, as our actions become dictated by the expectations of others rather than our own authentic selves.

The Decluttering Process:

Start by becoming aware of your own needs and desires. Practice setting healthy boundaries and saying no when necessary.

Embrace the discomfort that comes with standing up for yourself, and remember that your worth is not determined by others’ approval.

Dismantling the Perfectionism Trap

Recognizing the Perfectionism Cycle:

Perfectionism can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking risks and embracing imperfections.

It’s essential to understand that perfection is an unattainable goal and that the pursuit of it can hinder personal growth.

The Decluttering Process:

Challenge your inner critic by reframing your perspective on failure. Embrace the learning opportunities that come with making mistakes.

Cultivate self-compassion and recognize that imperfections are what make us beautifully human.

Escaping the Overthinking Maze

Understanding the Overthinking Tendency:

Overthinking often results from anxiety about the future or fixation on the past. It steals our present moment and prevents us from fully experiencing life.

The Decluttering Process:

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present.

Challenge irrational thoughts and focus on what you can control. Cultivate a mindset that values the present moment, allowing room for spontaneity and joy.

Crafting the Life You Deserve

Decluttering emotional baggage is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-reflection, courage, and a commitment to your own well-being.

By identifying and addressing these patterns, you pave the way for a life that aligns with your needs, desires, and inherent worth.

Remember, you have the power to break free from these patterns and create a life that reflects your authentic self.

Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and step into a future unburdened by emotional baggage—a future that holds the promise of genuine connections, self-love, and the fulfillment you truly deserve

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Navigating Life’s Drama: A Strategic Guide to Avoiding Unwanted Episodes
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Navigating Life’s Drama: A Strategic Guide to Avoiding Unwanted Episodes

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At some point in our lives, there inevitably exist individuals with a penchant for orchestrating melodrama.

Today I am exploring how we can seek to provide a nuanced exploration of tactics one may employ when confronted with those who seem determined to cast us in the leading role of a real-life soap opera.

With a touch of dark comedy and a dash of strategic finesse, we embark on a journey to master the art of evasion and maintain a drama-free existence.

Trust me! I speak from experience!! There are people who will try to control the narrative about you, but it’s easy enough to step back, laugh at their manoeuvres and re-write the script!

I have dealt with exes who have tried to control me and failing that tried to control the narrative about me, but as my dear departed father always said: “No-one can control you, my dear – you are and always will be your own woman!”

Chapter 1: Discerning the Dramatists (aka dealing with idiots!)

The initial step in safeguarding oneself from undue dramatization involves a careful identification of the instigators.

These are the individuals who possess an uncanny ability to transform the mundane into the extraordinary and thrive on interpersonal conflict.

By recognizing these dramatists, one gains a crucial advantage in circumventing their efforts to draw others into their scripted narratives.

Chapter 2: Cultivating a Subtle Presence

To dissuade drama enthusiasts from fixating on one’s narrative, it is prudent to adopt an understated and unassuming presence.

Opt for a discreet demeanour that defies the spotlight. In the realm of drama, subtlety can be a formidable shield.

Trust me! I am a chameleon!

Chapter 3: The Art of the Controlled Detour

When confronted with an imminent dramatization, mastering the art of the controlled detour becomes imperative.

Swiftly redirect conversations, subtly change topics, and gracefully navigate away from potential conflict zones.

This skilful navigation can serve as an effective deterrent, preventing the dramatists from gaining a foothold in one’s personal narrative.

Chapter 4: Utilizing Discretionary Measures

For moments when subtlety proves insufficient, adopting discretionary measures becomes paramount.

Develop the ability to gracefully disengage from potentially volatile situations, preserving one’s emotional well-being while avoiding the pitfalls of unwarranted drama.

Choose battles wisely and know when to withdraw from the stage of conflict.

Chapter 5: Setting Boundaries (yes, this one is in bold as our boundaries are critically important in evading drama-fuelled idividuals!) Narcissists, drama queens/kings and manipulative gas-lighters ALWAYS try to blur your boundaries! Do not let them!! 

Establishing clear boundaries serves as a fundamental strategy for avoiding undue drama. Communicate assertively and express personal limits, dissuading dramatists from overstepping into one’s private sphere.

Consistency in upholding these boundaries is key to maintaining a drama-free equilibrium.

Chapter 6: In conclusion, navigating the complex terrain of interpersonal dynamics, the ability to deftly sidestep the allure of drama is an invaluable skill.

By discerning dramatists, cultivating a subtle presence, mastering the art of controlled detours, implementing discretionary measures, and establishing firm boundaries, one can effectively shield oneself from the orchestrators of interpersonal theatrics.

May this strategic guide empower you to curate a life free from the scripted narratives of others and foster a more harmonious existence.

imagecredit:karmareturns

 

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The Liberating Act of Closing the Door on Negativity: Embracing a Life of Positivity
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The Liberating Act of Closing the Door on Negativity: Embracing a Life of Positivity

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Life is a journey – some of it difficult, some easy. Our path twists & turns and occasionally doubles back on itself. The people that we choose to allow into our lives can have a profound impact on our life journey and our emotional wellbeing.

In my journey, I’ve come to appreciate the profound benefits that come from firmly closing the door on negative people, those who emit low vibrations and seldom seek the help they need.

Instead, I’ve made the conscious choice to surround myself with loving, kind, warm, giving, and positive individuals who uplift my spirit and nurture my well-being. The transformation has been nothing short of extraordinary, and I’m eager to share the profound impact of this decision on my life.

Negativity has a way of seeping into our lives like a slow, creeping fog. It can be subtle, at first, like a whisper in the back of our minds, but if left unchecked, it can envelop us in a shroud of doubt, anxiety, and unhappiness.

These are the low vibrational energies that often emanate from negative people—individuals who may be struggling with their own demons but rarely seek the help they need.

For far too long, I allowed these negative forces to infiltrate my life, draining my energy and clouding my perspective.

It was a heavy burden to bear, and I realized that I needed to make a change. I needed to close the door on negativity and create space for the positivity that I deserved.

The act of firmly shutting that door was both liberating and empowering. It was a declaration that I valued my own well-being, and I refused to let anyone, or anything jeopardize it.

It was a statement that I would no longer be a receptacle for the negative energy of others.

By doing so, I created room for a different kind of energy—the warm, loving, and positive vibrations of people who genuinely care for my well-being.

These individuals radiated kindness and positivity, and their presence brought with it a sense of peace and contentment that I had long yearned for.

Surrounding myself with loving and kind individuals has had a transformative effect on my life. Their positivity is infectious, and it has seeped into every corner of my existence. It has bolstered my confidence, enhanced my mental and emotional well-being, and reignited my zest for life.

In their company, I have rediscovered the joy of simple pleasures, the beauty in everyday moments, and the power of genuine human connection.

They have become my support system, my cheerleaders, and my confidants, offering unwavering encouragement in times of need and celebration during moments of triumph.

While I believe that negativity is often a cry for help, it’s a journey that individuals must embark on themselves.

We can extend a hand and offer assistance, but ultimately, they must choose to seek the help they need to break free from the shackles of negativity. Until then, we must prioritize our own well-being and protect our positive energy.

Life is a beautiful thing when you firmly close the door to negativity and no longer allow it to seep into your life.

It’s a conscious choice to surround yourself with love, kindness, warmth, and positivity—a choice that has the power to transform your existence from one of darkness and doubt to one of light and limitless potential.

As I bask in the warm embrace of positive energies, I am reminded that we have the agency to curate our own lives.

We can choose who we allow in, and by surrounding ourselves with loving, kind, and positive individuals, we create a life filled with joy, love, and the profound beauty of positivity.

Sending you all peace, love, and light.

AI image of a woman in a forest with the light shining through the trees
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mainimagecredit:HarmeetKaur

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Rumors, Gossip, and Living Fabulously: The Power of Ignoring Haters
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Rumors, Gossip, and Living Fabulously: The Power of Ignoring Haters

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In the world of social interactions, there’s an unfortunate reality we all have to face at some point—people gossiping about us behind our backs and spreading rumors.

It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but it’s one that most of us have tasted at some point in our lives.

So, what’s the best tactic when faced with such negativity? In my opinion, it’s to ignore them and keep living your best life, surrounded by love, laughter, and unapologetic fabulousness.

The Sting of Gossip

We’ve all been there—those hushed conversations, the curious glances, and the feeling that something is amiss.

Rumors and gossip can feel like a dagger aimed right at your heart, questioning your character and integrity without your consent. It’s a painful experience that can weigh you down if you let it.

I know for sure I have had bizarre rumors spread about me. I have been shown text messages by some people I know confirming the bs. They showed me because they care about me and they are disturbed by the unhinged messaging and the unwarranted vitriol directed at me and wanted to warn me.

The Power of Ignorance

But here’s the secret that I’ve learned: Gossip only has power if you give it attention. The moment you stop feeding into the drama and cease to acknowledge those who spread rumors, their power over you diminishes. Ignorance, in this case, truly is bliss.

Living Your Best Life

Instead of dwelling on negativity, focus your energy on the things that truly matter in life. Surround yourself with people who love and support you unconditionally.

Spend time with friends and family who appreciate you for who you are, not who others claim you to be.

I am so fortunate to have loyal and loving friends and family who have my back – always and without question! They are a loving circle of support and positive energy surrounding me with a vibe of protection and enduring love.

Dance Like Nobody’s Watching

One of my favorite ways to combat the negativity of gossip is by dancing my heart out. There’s something liberating about moving to the beat, losing yourself in the music, and letting go of all the worries and doubts.

Dance like nobody’s watching because, frankly, they shouldn’t matter.

Embrace Your Fabulousness

Being yourself, unapologetically, is a superpower. It’s about embracing your quirks, your passions, and your uniqueness.

When you stay true to yourself, the rumors and gossip lose their impact. Your authenticity shines like a beacon, leaving no room for doubt or speculation.

Surround Yourself with Love

Your tribe, the people who truly care about you, will always have your back. Lean on them for support during tough times and celebrate the good times together.

When you’re surrounded by love, the negativity of gossip seems inconsequential in comparison.

The Art of Resilience

Living fabulously doesn’t mean that you’re immune to pain or that you should pretend like rumors don’t hurt.

It means that you have the resilience to rise above them, to keep moving forward, and to focus on what truly brings you joy.

Gossip and rumors are like passing storms—they may be turbulent, but they will eventually pass. The best response is to keep living your best life, surrounded by love, laughter, and the things that make your heart sing.

Dance, stay fabulous, and ignore the haters, because in the end, it’s your happiness and authenticity that matter most.

So, let the gossipers gossip, and you just keep being your fabulous self, because for sure I am!

Image credit:@dreamgirl (dress from Etsy:heartmycloset)

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I have a voice and I am loved!
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I have a voice and I am loved!

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The Strength Within: Overcoming Toxicity and Refusing to Be Silenced

In life, we encounter individuals who may try to stifle our voices, dampen our spirits, and diminish our sense of self-worth. Yet, amidst these challenges, we discover our inner strength and the unwavering support of loved ones.

In today’s post, I share my journey of facing two toxic people who aimed to silence me, but with the love and support of my family and friends, I found the courage to stand tall and refuse to be silenced.

Confronting Toxicity

In the depths of my journey, I found myself face-to-face with two toxic individuals determined to undermine my voice. Their words and actions aimed to erode my self-confidence and make me doubt my own worth. However, it has not worked, they have failed in their quest to bully me into silence.

The Strength Within

Amidst the darkness, I discovered a wellspring of strength deep within me. I realized that my voice held power, and I refused to let it be silenced. I embraced my uniqueness, my thoughts, and my dreams. I recognized that my perspective mattered, and that my words had the potential to inspire, uplift, and make a difference.

The Power of Support

Surrounded by a loving and supportive network of family and friends, I found solace and encouragement. Their unwavering belief in me became a shield against the negativity of those who sought to silence me.

With their support, I began to rebuild my confidence and regain my voice. Their presence reminded me that I was not alone in my struggles and that I possessed the strength to overcome any obstacle.

Rising Above

As I embraced my inner strength with the support of my loved ones, I started to rise above the toxicity. I refused to internalize the negative narratives imposed upon me and instead focused on my own growth and self-expression.

I channelled my energy into my passions, dreams, and creative endeavours, finding solace in the joy they brought me. Each step forward was a testament to my resilience and determination.

Unsilenced and Empowered

Today, I stand tall, my voice resounding with authenticity and unwavering conviction. I have reclaimed my power, refusing to let the toxic individuals silence me. Their attempts appear endless, their constant emotional abuse is relentless, but I continue to rise above it.

And I am surrounded by a loving support system that empowers me to continue speaking my truth and embracing the limitless potential that lies within me.

While encountering toxic individuals who aim to silence us can be disheartening, we possess the strength to rise above their negativity. With the support of our loved ones, we find the courage to reclaim our voices, refusing to be silenced.

Embracing our authenticity and nurturing our self-worth, we emerge from these trials stronger and more resilient than ever before. Remember, your voice matters, and the world deserves to hear your unique perspective.

So, stand tall, let your voice be heard, and shine brightly in the face of adversity.

image credit:nubuworks

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Ugly comments & how to deal with the unhinged!
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Ugly comments & how to deal with the unhinged!

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Tips on what to do when people are toxic liars and a couple stories to share with you

Writing a public blog is a wonderful way to express yourself, be creative and have your voice heard. I highly recommend anyone wanting to write on a topic or topics close to their heart to start one.This is my second blog, and it has become really successful since I launched it last October.

The feedback I get is extremely positive and is encouraging me to continue writing and sharing my voice with you all.

I would like to say a sincere thank you to the many of you who leave beautiful and heartfelt comments. I hear you and I appreciate you and I care about you 🥰

Pretty much all my readers & subscribers find my words relatable, and of value. And that is exactly what I was aiming for when I began writing my blog. Especially given I range from topics as diverse as relationship issues, health & wellbeing, my own cancer journey and return to wellbeing, and of course, my therapy dog George!

However, like with anything when you put yourself out there, particularly online, there is the potential danger of trolls leaving nasty comments. Fortunately, I moderate my blog and I choose not to publish nasty, ugly words or comments that malign my nature or myself as a human being. Because it is my blog afterall and I have the choice to not put negative energy out there!

Steps to dealing with trolls:

For those of you new to blogging or considering blogging and having concerns about trolls, here are some things you can do.

  1. Make sure you set-up your blog to allow you to moderate comments. That means that comments go to a part of your blog that only you can see. You are the Admin of your blog and you can set it up to work the way you want it to.
  2. If you get vile and nasty comments. DO NOT RESPOND. Like literally, no matter how mean or callous or untruthful, do not give the troll or trolls any oxygen. Let the narcissists & flying monkeys vent their spleen. If you respond it will only spiral into even more ugliness.
  3. Read the comments, delete the comments.
  4. It sounds simple, but I know some of you will struggle. It is difficult to be the brunt of someone’s anger and hatred. However, keep in mind that it is their problem, not yours.
  5. You know your intrinsic worth as a human being, your loved ones know you and love you. Other people’s ridiculous opinions are simply that, ridiculous.

Some of the garbage comments that garbage humans have written to me:

Some of the stupid comments I have received literally make no sense whatsoever and do leave me a bit baffled and scratching my head.

I guess people just have too much time on their hands and look for someone who they think is an easy target and then get busy on their keyboards!

Below are a couple of examples and I easily debunk them and prove them for what they are – outright lies made by disturbed people.

There was a comment from a troll accusing me of having a “criminal record” (amongst many other weird & bizarre accusations). Seriously! No idea why or in what context they thought that made any gosh darned sense, maybe they think all Bloggers are sketchy? I don’t know. 🤷

But it is an outright falsehood and easily proven to be a lie (my friends & family were howling with laughter when I told them.)

I worked in education for over 20 years, and I have been a volunteer with a literacy program, a dementia facility and at childcare centres, primary (elementary) and high schools. My workplaces and volunteer organizations require what we call here in Australia a “National Police Clearance Check” – basically a criminal record check – mine is clear, as in, I do not have a criminal record and never have. I also have a Working with Children Card – which again requires a National Police check as I volunteer at schools with my therapy dog.

The comment went on to accuse my ex-husband as well – again no idea why such unhinged commentary was written. First up, I’ve been married twice. My first husband died in 1997 and he is not around to clear his good name, but I am in touch with his lovely sister and for sure she would be stunned at such rank & disturbing lies. My second husband and I are still friends, he is absolutely an upstanding citizen and would be very shocked to hear that he had been personally attacked. But no-one is safe from these lying scumbags.

Go figure!

But the thing with trolls is that they will tell (generally outrageous and laughable) lies. What their intention may be is unknowable, and I don’t waste any time trying to understand, you cannot fathom the irrational.

Another accusation from a nasty troll was that I “slept with a 20-year-old.” Ummm, that one literally had me rolling on the floor laughing🤣

I am 64 years old and as much as I may be in pretty good shape, I think it highly unlikely that a 20-year-old would be interested in me in that way! I guess I could find that accusation flattering? But again, I literally have no idea as to the purpose of such nonsense comments and I won’t waste my time trying to figure it out.

So, to the trolls and the keyboard warriors – jog on!

Therefore, be mindful that blogging is very much a rewarding activity, but there will always be trolls. Just ignore and keep writing, we need to hear your voice!

Image credit: Ravenwolf

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It’s been a hot minute!
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It’s been a hot minute!

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Hey everyone – hope all is well in your corner of the world…

I’ve been a bit distracted lately with the ole breast cancer (getting better and thanks for asking!) I’ve got radiation coming up in a couple of weeks. But I’m happy to say that the Oncologist has advised me that they got the tumor completely out with healthy margins and one sketchy lymph node (and they took 5 jic!) and she actually used the word “cured” and that was good to hear! Unlikely to come back, but I will need hormone blockers for 5 – 10 years as it was estrogen (oestrogen) sensitive.

Then on top of that I came down with Covid (second time, first time was last July).

I was starting to think the universe was just plain messing with me!

I’ve had the last couple of days off work – I’m symptomatic and don’t want to spread Covid to workmates or other folk I come in contact with…

And as you do, I’ve been at a bit of a loss. Felt a bit too ill and brain foggy to write a blog post. Couldn’t even read my book yesterday (and anyone that knows me, knows I am a total book-worm, so if I can’t focus to read – I must be unwell!). So I’ve been doing Insta, TikTok and FB scrolling for entertainment, until my head hurt too much and I had to stop and have another nap or three!

The above image came across my feed and literally made me laugh and almost spit out my morning coffee! Talk about accurate!!

I mentioned in an earlier post about a previous r/ship I was in whereby the man involved was a narcissistic, gaslighting, manipulative, lying and cheating scumbag (well probably more than one post, but hey!). The one I am referring to is this one here – feel free to have a quick read, then come back. I’ll be waiting for you.

So, suffice to say that the above image really resonated with me. It’s a tactic of toxic people to make you think you are the problem. They sound convincing, but you know in your heart and soul that it is just not true what they are saying.

Trust yourself, believe in your gut instincts. Do not be manipulated. Run.

This man and his entire family were toxic. The way that they spoke to each other was absolutely appalling. He would show me messages from members of his family where they were either abusing him in the most disgusting and degrading manner or abusing each other. It was the most ugly behaviour I have ever had the misfortune to come across in my entire life. Seriously, nothing comes close. Nothing!

not my circus not my monkeys

 

 

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How to stop a narcissist in their tracks!
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How to stop a narcissist in their tracks!

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Disengage. Ignore. Give them no oxygen. 

According to the Mayo Clinic: “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.”(Mayo Clinic )

If you ever have the misfortune of being involved with such a person. Run.

Things to look out for that indicate this type of personality – some of these I know from personal experience interacting with such personalities, other indicators come from well-regarded research:

  1. They have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration (Mayo Clinic);
  2. Controlling behaviour (trying to tell you what to wear or what not to wear, isolating you from friends and/or family);
  3. Consider themselves superior to everyone around them;
  4. Manipulative behaviour. “when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person’s psychological well-being” Very Well Health
  5. Throw temper tantrums to get their own way;
  6. Self aggrandizement – make themselves sound important, even when they are not;
  7. Be critical of everyone else;
  8. Take advantage of other people;
  9. Lie to get what they want – literally, they will lie about anything to get their own way;
  10. Belittle other people to make themselves feel superior (Mayo Clinic)

Often narcissists suffer crippling low self-esteem (even when aiming to appear superior), they are riddled with insecurities and often self-loathing.

They have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure. (Mayo Clinic)

There is a common misconception that narcissists target weaker personalities in order to control and damage them. However, a narcissist will often target intelligent and emotionally strong people, they see it as a challenge. If they can control, subdue and damage the self-esteem of a strong person, then the narcissist feels better about themselves. As if they have confirmed their perceived “superiority.”

These people need treatment, yet they are unlikely to recognize their own behaviour. They lack insight and self-awareness and they blame everyone else for their problems, they try to make themselves out to be the victim. Literally. They never acknowledge that they may be in the wrong and they never apologize for poor behaviour.

On a final note, this is what the Mayo Clinic has to say:

“People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don’t seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol misuse, or another mental health problem. What they view as insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.”

That is really sad. Sad for the narcissist as they desperately need treatment and, in spite of their damaging behaviour, they are often depressed, moody and unhappy and suffer lifelong misery. Sad for the people that unfortunately get entangled with a narcissist as they will be emotionally damaged by the encounter.

Unless you are particularly mentally strong, recognize the behaviour and take action to keep yourself safe. Run. Run and don’t look back. Disengage. Ignore. Give them no oxygen.

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