Relationships – 60plus and loving life

Love Doesn’t Leave You Traumatized: Understanding the Difference

By 60plus&lovinglife March 28, 2024 0

In the journey of love, it’s not uncommon to encounter experiences that leave scars on our hearts.

However, it’s essential to recognize that true love doesn’t leave you traumatized. Whatever happened to you was not love; it was something else entirely.

Love is meant to uplift, empower, and nurture us. It’s a force that brings out the best in us, encourages growth, and fosters a deep sense of connection.

But when we find ourselves in situations that leave us feeling broken, hurt, and traumatized, it’s crucial to understand that it wasn’t love at play.

So, what exactly happened?

Often, what we perceive as love is a distorted version of it – a toxic relationship, an abusive dynamic, or a one-sided affair.

These experiences can leave lasting scars, affecting our self-worth, confidence, and ability to trust again. But it’s essential to remember that these experiences were not a reflection of love but rather a distortion of it.

True love is built on a foundation of respect, trust, and mutual understanding. It’s about honoring each other’s boundaries, supporting one another’s dreams, and being there through the highs and lows of life.

It’s about seeing each other for who we truly are and accepting each other unconditionally.

When love is genuine, it doesn’t leave you feeling traumatized. Instead, it helps you heal, grow, and become the best version of yourself.

It’s a source of strength and comfort, a sanctuary in a world filled with chaos and uncertainty.

If you’ve been through a traumatic experience in the name of love, it’s essential to seek healing and support.

Surround yourself with people who uplift and empower you, and don’t be afraid to seek professional help if needed. Remember that you deserve to be loved in a way that honors and respects you – anything less is not love.

As you navigate your journey of healing, remember that true love exists, and it’s worth waiting for.

It may take time to find the right person who cherishes and values you, but when you do, it will be worth the wait.

Love shouldn’t leave you traumatized; it should leave you feeling cherished, valued, and whole.

So, hold onto hope, believe in the power of love, and never settle for anything less than you deserve.

You are worthy of a love that lifts you up, supports you, and brings you joy – don’t ever forget that.

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Vibing with the right person…

By 60plus&lovinglife March 16, 2024 0

What is astonishingly good is when you connect with someone and you can have an actual conversation with them.

A real, genuine – goes two ways conversation!

I know, right?!?

Not just listening to some bore droning on about the minutiae of their life.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all happy to have someone share their day-to-day with me. I can listen, be empathetic and engaged.

I’m talking about that person that literally drones on & on, barely pausing for breath and showing scant interest in you or what is going on in your life.

The one-way monologue.

The bore-fest of “me, me, me” and all their woes, constant negativity. and victimhood. Never owning their own actions, blaming absolutely everybody else in their life for everything that has gone wrong for them.

Not for one minute showing any insight into their own self-inflicted drama.

The one who gossips about absolutely everyone else and telling your everybody’s secrets and private information that you really do not want to know about.

For damn sure, they are now gossiping about you! Trust me, he who gossips and bitches about others, will be spreading your private life to anyone who will take the time to listen!

After a number of dud relationships, I am so happy I have a connection with a genuine human with whom I can have engaging and thoughtful conversations. We have shared values and can talk politics and the state of the world and know our world view is aligned.

He is mindful and smart, well read and always keen to learn more. He is open to looking at things from other perspectives. He never gossips and does not bitch about other people. Such a breath of fresh air!

It is delightful to spend time with him exploring our thoughts and ideas and sharing things we have read about and valuing each other’s perspective on life.

You have no idea how lovely it is to have this kind of relationship, for me it is rare. It’s like a caring, genuine friendship and love connection all wrapped up together and it truly warms my heart.

The last time I had anything similar to this was my first husband who sadly died 27 years ago.

I have peace of mind, I am happy as a lark and life is fine and dandy🥰

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Someday…

By 60plus&lovinglife March 7, 2024 0

It really is true.

Sometimes we give our love to the very wrong people.

And eventually we realize.

We understand that our love has been wasted on the narcissists, the negative/emotionally abusive ones, the emotionally distant ones and those that are just incapable of showing love.

Then along comes someone who is truly worthy of sharing our love. The person who just ‘gets’ you, the person who shares your sense of humour, the person who has the time to listen and understand who you are and the life journey you have been travelling and you understand theirs and there is no judgement.

Those conversations that start and spark ideas & thoughts and then suddenly several hours have passed and you look at each other and you just know.

Someone with common values and beliefs. Someone who is caring towards other people and animals.

That person, who when you look at them, you think “yes, it’s you.”

Then you know that life just got a heck of a lot better and the journey ahead will be fun & adventurous and full of shared experiences.

Let go of the ones who are not right for you and move towards the one who is meant to be in your life.

It is all a learning experience, sometimes it’s a bit hard and not what we wanted to have to deal with and survive. But look at you! You have survived and now you are thriving – go get it! ❤️❤️

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Unmasking the Past: Unexpected Reactions to Sharing a Toxic Relationship Anecdote Over Lunch

By 60plus&lovinglife January 18, 2024 0

Lunch with friends, a time for laughter, shared stories, and the joy of catching up on each other’s lives. Little did I know that a seemingly innocuous anecdote from my past would leave my friends shocked and deeply concerned.

Today, I want to share the unexpected turn of events that occurred when I opened up about a chapter in my life, thinking it was just one of many experiences.

The Setting: A Casual Lunch Gathering

Picture this – a cozy restaurant, the clinking of cutlery, and the hum of conversation as I sat down for a long-overdue lunch with friends.

The atmosphere was light, and I felt comfortable sharing snippets from my past, little fragments that make up the mosaic of who I am today.

The Unveiling of an Anecdote: My Time with a Toxic Narcissist

As the conversation flowed, I found myself sharing an anecdote from my time in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

In my mind, it was just one of many stories – a part of my past that I had learned and grown from.

However, as I spoke, I noticed a shift in the room. The laughter subsided, and a wave of shock and concern washed over my friends’ faces.

The Unexpected Reaction: A Reality Check

Stopping mid-sentence, I couldn’t help but wonder why my friends were reacting this way.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized the gravity of the situation I had described.

What I considered a minor chapter in my life was, for them, a shocking revelation of emotional turmoil and manipulation.

Perception vs. Reality: The Complexity of Experience

It’s fascinating how our perception of our own experiences can differ so vastly from how others perceive them.

What I considered just a piece of the puzzle, my friends saw as a red flag – a clear sign of a tumultuous journey I had endured.

It was a moment of introspection for me, realizing that the impact of certain experiences can be deeply rooted, even if we perceive them as less significant in the grand scheme of things.

The Power of Sharing: Breaking the Silence

Despite the initial shock, the revelation sparked a conversation about toxic relationships, narcissistic behavior, and the importance of breaking the silence.

It was a moment of shared vulnerability, turning what could have been a discomforting experience into an opportunity for mutual support and understanding.

As I reflect on that lunch gathering, I’m reminded of the power of sharing our stories – the good, the bad, and the complex.

What may seem like a minor anecdote to us can be a significant revelation for others.

It’s a reminder that each of our experiences is unique, and the impact of those experiences can ripple through our lives in unexpected ways.

So here’s to the power of conversation, the strength found in vulnerability, and the unexpected revelations that come when we share the chapters of our lives.

It’s a journey of growth, understanding, and, ultimately, healing.

imagecredit:untamedhero

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Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

By 60plus&lovinglife January 3, 2024February 29, 2024 0

We’ve all been there—choosing emotionally unavailable or shady partners, falling into the trap of people-pleasing, wrestling with perfectionism, and getting caught in the endless loop of overthinking.

For sure I have had experience with a really shady partner some time ago. He was a full-blown narcissist, emotionally unavailable, emotionally corrupt and he enjoyed causing pain to all those who unfortunately had dealings with him.

The weekend prior to our breakup was classic. He had undergone cosmetic treatment to his eyelids (vain af he was😂). I spent that entire weekend looking after him. He literally could barely open his eyes, they were so swollen and bruised. So I went over to his place, cooked his meals, took groceries to last him the week ahead as he was too vain to be seen out in public after his procedure. I brought wine, chocolates and all his favorite things to eat. I literally babied him the entire weekend.

Then he broke up with me in a text message the day I returned home.

Was I surprised? Yes and no. I knew the relationship was on its last legs. I knew he was toxic and causing me emotional distress and damage.

I knew he used me for emotional support for all the dramas he had been going through, there was absolutely no gratitude or kindness on his end.

So, yeah – it had to end. But it was still brutal. I had cared for him and nurtured him and my reward was a shitty little text breaking it off.

It happens, it shouldn’t, people should behave better. But some just cannot. They treat people as disposable.

We need to ensure that we stay safe, have good boundaries, surround ourselves with genuine, loving family and friends.

It’s a familiar narrative, one that many of us find ourselves entangled in at different points in our lives.

The question is: How do we break free from these patterns and declutter the emotional baggage that holds us back?

Choosing Emotional Availability Over Shadiness

Understanding Emotional Unavailability:

Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable can be a deeply ingrained pattern.

It often stems from our own insecurities or a desire to fix and nurture others. However, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward change.

The Decluttering Process:

Begin by reflecting on your own emotional needs and boundaries. What are your deal-breakers?

What do you truly deserve in a relationship? Letting go of emotionally unavailable partners means making space for connections that are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional availability.

Breaking the Chains of People-Pleasing

Identifying People-Pleasing Patterns:

People-pleasing is a common struggle for many, driven by a fear of rejection or conflict.

It often leaves us exhausted, as our actions become dictated by the expectations of others rather than our own authentic selves.

The Decluttering Process:

Start by becoming aware of your own needs and desires. Practice setting healthy boundaries and saying no when necessary.

Embrace the discomfort that comes with standing up for yourself, and remember that your worth is not determined by others’ approval.

Dismantling the Perfectionism Trap

Recognizing the Perfectionism Cycle:

Perfectionism can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking risks and embracing imperfections.

It’s essential to understand that perfection is an unattainable goal and that the pursuit of it can hinder personal growth.

The Decluttering Process:

Challenge your inner critic by reframing your perspective on failure. Embrace the learning opportunities that come with making mistakes.

Cultivate self-compassion and recognize that imperfections are what make us beautifully human.

Escaping the Overthinking Maze

Understanding the Overthinking Tendency:

Overthinking often results from anxiety about the future or fixation on the past. It steals our present moment and prevents us from fully experiencing life.

The Decluttering Process:

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present.

Challenge irrational thoughts and focus on what you can control. Cultivate a mindset that values the present moment, allowing room for spontaneity and joy.

Crafting the Life You Deserve

Decluttering emotional baggage is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-reflection, courage, and a commitment to your own well-being.

By identifying and addressing these patterns, you pave the way for a life that aligns with your needs, desires, and inherent worth.

Remember, you have the power to break free from these patterns and create a life that reflects your authentic self.

Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and step into a future unburdened by emotional baggage—a future that holds the promise of genuine connections, self-love, and the fulfillment you truly deserve

imagecredit:designsformakers

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Navigating Life’s Drama: A Strategic Guide to Avoiding Unwanted Episodes

By 60plus&lovinglife December 11, 2023 0

At some point in our lives, there inevitably exist individuals with a penchant for orchestrating melodrama.

Today I am exploring how we can seek to provide a nuanced exploration of tactics one may employ when confronted with those who seem determined to cast us in the leading role of a real-life soap opera.

With a touch of dark comedy and a dash of strategic finesse, we embark on a journey to master the art of evasion and maintain a drama-free existence.

Trust me! I speak from experience!! There are people who will try to control the narrative about you, but it’s easy enough to step back, laugh at their manoeuvres and re-write the script!

I have dealt with exes who have tried to control me and failing that tried to control the narrative about me, but as my dear departed father always said: “No-one can control you, my dear – you are and always will be your own woman!”

Chapter 1: Discerning the Dramatists (aka dealing with idiots!)

The initial step in safeguarding oneself from undue dramatization involves a careful identification of the instigators.

These are the individuals who possess an uncanny ability to transform the mundane into the extraordinary and thrive on interpersonal conflict.

By recognizing these dramatists, one gains a crucial advantage in circumventing their efforts to draw others into their scripted narratives.

Chapter 2: Cultivating a Subtle Presence

To dissuade drama enthusiasts from fixating on one’s narrative, it is prudent to adopt an understated and unassuming presence.

Opt for a discreet demeanour that defies the spotlight. In the realm of drama, subtlety can be a formidable shield.

Trust me! I am a chameleon!

Chapter 3: The Art of the Controlled Detour

When confronted with an imminent dramatization, mastering the art of the controlled detour becomes imperative.

Swiftly redirect conversations, subtly change topics, and gracefully navigate away from potential conflict zones.

This skilful navigation can serve as an effective deterrent, preventing the dramatists from gaining a foothold in one’s personal narrative.

Chapter 4: Utilizing Discretionary Measures

For moments when subtlety proves insufficient, adopting discretionary measures becomes paramount.

Develop the ability to gracefully disengage from potentially volatile situations, preserving one’s emotional well-being while avoiding the pitfalls of unwarranted drama.

Choose battles wisely and know when to withdraw from the stage of conflict.

Chapter 5: Setting Boundaries (yes, this one is in bold as our boundaries are critically important in evading drama-fuelled idividuals!) Narcissists, drama queens/kings and manipulative gas-lighters ALWAYS try to blur your boundaries! Do not let them!!

Establishing clear boundaries serves as a fundamental strategy for avoiding undue drama. Communicate assertively and express personal limits, dissuading dramatists from overstepping into one’s private sphere.

Consistency in upholding these boundaries is key to maintaining a drama-free equilibrium.

Chapter 6: In conclusion, navigating the complex terrain of interpersonal dynamics, the ability to deftly sidestep the allure of drama is an invaluable skill.

By discerning dramatists, cultivating a subtle presence, mastering the art of controlled detours, implementing discretionary measures, and establishing firm boundaries, one can effectively shield oneself from the orchestrators of interpersonal theatrics.

May this strategic guide empower you to curate a life free from the scripted narratives of others and foster a more harmonious existence.

imagecredit:karmareturns

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