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health and fitness

Embracing Life: Celebrating Victory Over Breast Cancer

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In the grand narrative of life, there are chapters that test our resilience, chapters that redefine our strength, and chapters that celebrate our triumphs. Today, as I sit down to share my story, I find myself basking in the radiant glow of victory, for I am officially free from breast cancer.

The journey has been nothing short of tumultuous, a rollercoaster of emotions, fears, and hopes. Yet, through the darkest nights and the brightest days, I have not merely survived; I have thrived. With unwavering determination and boundless courage, I confronted each obstacle head-on, refusing to let adversity define me.

Just recently, I received the long-awaited results from my PET & CT scans and blood tests—a testament to the relentless pursuit of healing and the power of resilience. No sign of breast cancer! *happy dance*

The non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, once scattered throughout my abdominal area like ominous clouds, has regressed. Several nodes have shrunk, one has vanished entirely, leaving behind whispers of hope and whispers of gratitude.

Yet, amidst the triumph, there lingers one stubborn node, a reminder that life’s battles are not always easily won. But as they say, there’s always one, isn’t there?

In this moment of celebration, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude, for I have not walked this path alone. To my healthcare providers, whose care and remarkable skill have been beacons of light in the darkest of times, I extend my deepest appreciation. Your unwavering dedication has been the cornerstone of my journey, guiding me towards healing and restoration.

To my gym trainers and gym buddies, who stood by me through the toughest of workouts and the most challenging of days, your encouragement fueled my spirit and strengthened my resolve. In your company, I found solace and strength, forging bonds that transcend mere friendship.

To my beautiful daughter, my rock amidst the raging storm, your love and unwavering support have been my greatest source of strength. In your eyes, I found the courage to press on, to fight fiercely, and to never lose sight of the beauty that lies beyond the shadows.

And to my dance community and friends, whose laughter and camaraderie lit up even the darkest of nights, your unwavering support and boundless love lifted my spirits and carried me through the storm. In your company, I found the courage to dance amidst the rain, to embrace life’s melodies, and to celebrate each precious moment.

As I stand on the threshold of a new beginning, I am reminded that life’s greatest victories are not measured by the battles we win, but by the love we share, the friendships we cherish, and the moments we hold dear. In the tapestry of life, every thread, every triumph, and every tear, weaves together to form the masterpiece of our existence.

Today, as I embrace the warmth of the sun and the gentle caress of the wind, I am reminded of the beauty that lies within each moment, the magic that resides within each heartbeat.

In my life, amidst the laughter and the tears, there lies the promise of a new beginning, a promise of hope, and a promise of love.

And so, as I bid farewell to the shadows of yesterday and embrace the light of tomorrow, I do so with a heart full of gratitude, a spirit renewed, and a soul ablaze with the fire of resilience.

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Life

Dancing with Resilience: A Message of Hope for Those Overcoming Trauma

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dance with the waves and set your soul free

In the vast ocean of life, many of us find ourselves navigating tumultuous waves, facing the challenges of trauma that threaten to pull us under.

Today, I want to share a message of hope, inspired by the profound wisdom that lies in the saying, “Dance with the waves, move with the sea, let the rhythm of the water set your soul free.”

I want to dedicate this post to the beautiful souls who have triumphed over trauma and to those who are still entangled in the nets of pain. Many of you have reached out to me and I hear you and I am here for you. Take care and be gentle with yourself, you deserve loving kindness.

There is a promise of light at the end of the tunnel, and I wish you kindness, love, blessings, and, above all else, peace.

The Ocean of Life

Life, much like the vast expanse of the ocean, is filled with highs and lows, calm moments, and stormy seas.

For those who have experienced trauma, it often feels like being caught in a tempest that threatens to drown us. Yet, within the chaos, there lies an inherent rhythm—a rhythm that, when embraced, can lead us to liberation.

Dancing with the Waves

“Dance with the waves.” It’s an invitation to engage with life’s challenges, not as adversaries, but as partners in a cosmic dance.

When we learn to move with the ebb and flow of our experiences, acknowledging the pain without letting it define us, we discover an inner resilience that allows us to ride the waves with grace.

Moving with the Sea

“Move with the sea.” It’s a call to surrender to the currents of life, recognizing that resistance often intensifies the struggle.

By moving with the sea, we release the need for control, allowing the natural forces to guide us. In doing so, we find a sense of acceptance that becomes the foundation for healing.

Let the Rhythm Set Your Soul Free

“Let the rhythm of the water set your soul free.” In the dance of life, there’s a rhythm that transcends the chaos—a rhythm that, when embraced, leads to freedom.

It’s a freedom born from the understanding that, despite the pain, our souls have an innate ability to heal and rediscover joy.

For the Beautiful Souls

This message is for the beautiful souls who have experienced trauma and have emerged as resilient warriors.

Your strength is an inspiration, and your journey is a testament to the transformative power of the human spirit.

Your scars tell a story of survival, and your light shines as a beacon of hope for others navigating stormy seas.

A Promise of Light

To those who are still caught in the nets of pain, I want to offer a promise: there is light at the end of the tunnel.

The storms may rage, but they do not last forever. Your capacity to endure is greater than you realize, and as you dance with the waves, you’ll discover an inner strength that guides you towards the serenity you deserve.

Wishing You Peace

I wish you all kindness, love, blessings, and, above all else, peace.

May the dance of life lead you to a place of healing, and may the rhythm of your soul set you free from the depths of pain.

You are not alone, and there is a community of support ready to embrace you as you navigate the seas of life.

So, my beautiful souls, dance with resilience, move with acceptance, and let the rhythm of healing waters set your soul free. The journey may be challenging, but there is a symphony of hope playing just beyond the waves. Embrace it, and may your life be filled with the harmonious melodies of peace and recovery.

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Relationships

Unmasking the Past: Unexpected Reactions to Sharing a Toxic Relationship Anecdote Over Lunch

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anecdote about a narcissist

Lunch with friends, a time for laughter, shared stories, and the joy of catching up on each other’s lives. Little did I know that a seemingly innocuous anecdote from my past would leave my friends shocked and deeply concerned.

Today, I want to share the unexpected turn of events that occurred when I opened up about a chapter in my life, thinking it was just one of many experiences.

The Setting: A Casual Lunch Gathering

Picture this – a cozy restaurant, the clinking of cutlery, and the hum of conversation as I sat down for a long-overdue lunch with friends.

The atmosphere was light, and I felt comfortable sharing snippets from my past, little fragments that make up the mosaic of who I am today.

The Unveiling of an Anecdote: My Time with a Toxic Narcissist

As the conversation flowed, I found myself sharing an anecdote from my time in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

In my mind, it was just one of many stories – a part of my past that I had learned and grown from.

However, as I spoke, I noticed a shift in the room. The laughter subsided, and a wave of shock and concern washed over my friends’ faces.

The Unexpected Reaction: A Reality Check

Stopping mid-sentence, I couldn’t help but wonder why my friends were reacting this way.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized the gravity of the situation I had described.

What I considered a minor chapter in my life was, for them, a shocking revelation of emotional turmoil and manipulation.

Perception vs. Reality: The Complexity of Experience

It’s fascinating how our perception of our own experiences can differ so vastly from how others perceive them.

What I considered just a piece of the puzzle, my friends saw as a red flag – a clear sign of a tumultuous journey I had endured.

It was a moment of introspection for me, realizing that the impact of certain experiences can be deeply rooted, even if we perceive them as less significant in the grand scheme of things.

The Power of Sharing: Breaking the Silence

Despite the initial shock, the revelation sparked a conversation about toxic relationships, narcissistic behavior, and the importance of breaking the silence.

It was a moment of shared vulnerability, turning what could have been a discomforting experience into an opportunity for mutual support and understanding.

As I reflect on that lunch gathering, I’m reminded of the power of sharing our stories – the good, the bad, and the complex.

What may seem like a minor anecdote to us can be a significant revelation for others.

It’s a reminder that each of our experiences is unique, and the impact of those experiences can ripple through our lives in unexpected ways.

So here’s to the power of conversation, the strength found in vulnerability, and the unexpected revelations that come when we share the chapters of our lives.

It’s a journey of growth, understanding, and, ultimately, healing.

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Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

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You have the power to protect your peace

We’ve all been there—choosing emotionally unavailable or shady partners, falling into the trap of people-pleasing, wrestling with perfectionism, and getting caught in the endless loop of overthinking.

For sure I have had experience with a really shady partner some time ago. He was a full-blown narcissist, emotionally unavailable, emotionally corrupt and he enjoyed causing pain to all those who unfortunately had dealings with him.

The weekend prior to our breakup was classic. He had undergone cosmetic treatment to his eyelids (vain af he was😂). I spent that entire weekend looking after him. He literally could barely open his eyes, they were so swollen and bruised. So I went over to his place, cooked his meals, took groceries to last him the week ahead as he was too vain to be seen out in public after his procedure. I brought wine, chocolates and all his favorite things to eat. I literally babied him the entire weekend.

Then he broke up with me in a text message the day I returned home.

Was I surprised? Yes and no. I knew the relationship was on its last legs. I knew he was toxic and causing me emotional distress and damage.

I knew he used me for emotional support for all the dramas he had been going through, there was absolutely no gratitude or kindness on his end.

So, yeah – it had to end. But it was still brutal. I had cared for him and nurtured him and my reward was a shitty little text breaking it off.

It happens, it shouldn’t, people should behave better. But some just cannot. They treat people as disposable.

We need to ensure that we stay safe, have good boundaries, surround ourselves with genuine, loving family and friends.

It’s a familiar narrative, one that many of us find ourselves entangled in at different points in our lives.

The question is: How do we break free from these patterns and declutter the emotional baggage that holds us back?

Choosing Emotional Availability Over Shadiness

Understanding Emotional Unavailability:

Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable can be a deeply ingrained pattern.

It often stems from our own insecurities or a desire to fix and nurture others. However, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward change.

The Decluttering Process:

Begin by reflecting on your own emotional needs and boundaries. What are your deal-breakers?

What do you truly deserve in a relationship? Letting go of emotionally unavailable partners means making space for connections that are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional availability.

Breaking the Chains of People-Pleasing

Identifying People-Pleasing Patterns:

People-pleasing is a common struggle for many, driven by a fear of rejection or conflict.

It often leaves us exhausted, as our actions become dictated by the expectations of others rather than our own authentic selves.

The Decluttering Process:

Start by becoming aware of your own needs and desires. Practice setting healthy boundaries and saying no when necessary.

Embrace the discomfort that comes with standing up for yourself, and remember that your worth is not determined by others’ approval.

Dismantling the Perfectionism Trap

Recognizing the Perfectionism Cycle:

Perfectionism can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking risks and embracing imperfections.

It’s essential to understand that perfection is an unattainable goal and that the pursuit of it can hinder personal growth.

The Decluttering Process:

Challenge your inner critic by reframing your perspective on failure. Embrace the learning opportunities that come with making mistakes.

Cultivate self-compassion and recognize that imperfections are what make us beautifully human.

Escaping the Overthinking Maze

Understanding the Overthinking Tendency:

Overthinking often results from anxiety about the future or fixation on the past. It steals our present moment and prevents us from fully experiencing life.

The Decluttering Process:

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present.

Challenge irrational thoughts and focus on what you can control. Cultivate a mindset that values the present moment, allowing room for spontaneity and joy.

Crafting the Life You Deserve

Decluttering emotional baggage is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-reflection, courage, and a commitment to your own well-being.

By identifying and addressing these patterns, you pave the way for a life that aligns with your needs, desires, and inherent worth.

Remember, you have the power to break free from these patterns and create a life that reflects your authentic self.

Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and step into a future unburdened by emotional baggage—a future that holds the promise of genuine connections, self-love, and the fulfillment you truly deserve

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Life

Embracing Reflection and Kindness as We Step Into a New Year

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colourful image with the words: don't look back with regret, look forward with hope

As we stand on the threshold of a new year, it’s only natural to find ourselves in a reflective state, contemplating the journey we’ve traveled in the past twelve months. The highs and lows, the moments of triumph and the challenges overcome – each episode contributing to the rich tapestry of our lives.

This is a time for introspection, a time to look back at the person we were and consider how every experience has shaped us, molding us into a better version of ourselves.

Reflecting on the past year, I find myself acknowledging the highs with gratitude and approaching the lows with a newfound resilience.

Life, after all, is a series of lessons, and each triumph or stumble is an opportunity for growth. It’s through these experiences that we discover our strengths, understand our weaknesses, and emerge wiser and more compassionate.

As I bid farewell to the old and welcome the new, I am reminded of the incredible blessings that surround me. I am loved, not just by those close to me but by life itself, which presents opportunities for growth and connection in the most unexpected ways.

My beautiful family and friends, the anchors of my life, have been my unwavering support, sharing in the laughter and wiping away tears when needed.

Waking up each day with gratitude in my heart has become a ritual, a conscious choice to appreciate the simple joys that often go unnoticed. It’s about finding beauty in the mundane and recognizing that life’s true treasures lie in the relationships we nurture and the moments we share.

As I step into the new year, I carry with me the essence of loving kindness. It’s a mindset that extends beyond personal reflection, encouraging us to approach the world with empathy and compassion.

In a world where chaos can often overshadow goodness, choosing kindness becomes a revolutionary act. It’s a reminder that, despite our differences, we are all connected by our shared humanity.

In the coming year, let us strive to be a source of light and positivity for ourselves and others. Kindness is a currency that knows no bounds – it costs nothing, yet its impact is immeasurable.

A simple gesture, a kind word, or a thoughtful act has the power to brighten someone’s day and create a ripple effect of positivity.

So, here’s to the new year – a blank canvas awaiting the strokes of our experiences, lessons, and moments of kindness. May we embrace the opportunity to let go of the past, to forgive ourselves and others, and to look forward with a heart full of loving kindness.

Wishing each and every one of you a wonderful and happy 2024. May it be a year filled with growth, joy, and an abundance of kindness.

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Harmony in Motion: Celebrating the Fabulous Community of Rock and Roll Dancers

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Hey there, dance enthusiasts and rock and roll rebels! Today, I’m thrilled to share the joyous tale of our vibrant rock and roll dance community, a tapestry woven with friendship, talent, and the irresistible beat of classic tunes.

From the infectious energy on the dance floor to the heartfelt camaraderie that binds us together, our community is truly something special.

A Community of Fabulous Friends:

In our rock and roll dance community, we’re more than just dance partners; we’re friends who groove together. Whether we’re stepping, spinning, or simply enjoying the music, the bonds we’ve forged go beyond the dance floor.

We support each other’s triumphs and cheer each other on through the highs and lows, creating a network of fabulous friends that make every dance night a celebration.

The Maestros Behind the Magic:

Our dance teachers are the unsung heroes of our rock and roll journey. With a perfect blend of humor and expert instruction, they guide us through intricate routines and inspire us to embrace the rhythm with gusto.

Their dedication and passion infuse our community with the spirit of rock and roll, turning each lesson into a memorable experience.

Decking the Halls in Rock and Roll Style:

One of the highlights of our community calendar is the annual Christmas dance extravaganza.

The hall comes alive with laughter and the sound of jingle bells as we all come together to decorate and transform the space into a rock and roll Christmas wonderland.

It’s not just about tinsel and lights; it’s about infusing the space with the same festive spirit that defines our dance community.

Dancing the Night Away:

And then comes the magical night itself. The Christmas dance is the culmination of our efforts, where the twinkle in our eyes matches the sparkle of the decorations.

We dance the night away, reveling in the joy of movement and the company of our fantastic community.

The laughter, the spins, and the electric energy on the dance floor create memories that linger long after the last note fades away.

Our rock and roll dance community is a vibrant testament to the power of friendship, dance, and celebration.

From our talented teachers to the friends who dance beside us, each person contributes to the magic that is uniquely ours.

As we continue to sway, spin, and shimmy together, we’re not just creating dance routines – we’re crafting a symphony of joy, laughter, and everlasting camaraderie that defines the heart and soul of our fabulous rock and roll family. (mainimagecredit:creativecommons)

a group of people who have decorated a hall for a Christmas dance

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Relationships

Navigating Life’s Drama: A Strategic Guide to Avoiding Unwanted Episodes

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black background and words "run from drama"

At some point in our lives, there inevitably exist individuals with a penchant for orchestrating melodrama.

Today I am exploring how we can seek to provide a nuanced exploration of tactics one may employ when confronted with those who seem determined to cast us in the leading role of a real-life soap opera.

With a touch of dark comedy and a dash of strategic finesse, we embark on a journey to master the art of evasion and maintain a drama-free existence.

Trust me! I speak from experience!! There are people who will try to control the narrative about you, but it’s easy enough to step back, laugh at their manoeuvres and re-write the script!

I have dealt with exes who have tried to control me and failing that tried to control the narrative about me, but as my dear departed father always said: “No-one can control you, my dear – you are and always will be your own woman!”

Chapter 1: Discerning the Dramatists (aka dealing with idiots!)

The initial step in safeguarding oneself from undue dramatization involves a careful identification of the instigators.

These are the individuals who possess an uncanny ability to transform the mundane into the extraordinary and thrive on interpersonal conflict.

By recognizing these dramatists, one gains a crucial advantage in circumventing their efforts to draw others into their scripted narratives.

Chapter 2: Cultivating a Subtle Presence

To dissuade drama enthusiasts from fixating on one’s narrative, it is prudent to adopt an understated and unassuming presence.

Opt for a discreet demeanour that defies the spotlight. In the realm of drama, subtlety can be a formidable shield.

Trust me! I am a chameleon!

Chapter 3: The Art of the Controlled Detour

When confronted with an imminent dramatization, mastering the art of the controlled detour becomes imperative.

Swiftly redirect conversations, subtly change topics, and gracefully navigate away from potential conflict zones.

This skilful navigation can serve as an effective deterrent, preventing the dramatists from gaining a foothold in one’s personal narrative.

Chapter 4: Utilizing Discretionary Measures

For moments when subtlety proves insufficient, adopting discretionary measures becomes paramount.

Develop the ability to gracefully disengage from potentially volatile situations, preserving one’s emotional well-being while avoiding the pitfalls of unwarranted drama.

Choose battles wisely and know when to withdraw from the stage of conflict.

Chapter 5: Setting Boundaries (yes, this one is in bold as our boundaries are critically important in evading drama-fuelled idividuals!) Narcissists, drama queens/kings and manipulative gas-lighters ALWAYS try to blur your boundaries! Do not let them!! 

Establishing clear boundaries serves as a fundamental strategy for avoiding undue drama. Communicate assertively and express personal limits, dissuading dramatists from overstepping into one’s private sphere.

Consistency in upholding these boundaries is key to maintaining a drama-free equilibrium.

Chapter 6: In conclusion, navigating the complex terrain of interpersonal dynamics, the ability to deftly sidestep the allure of drama is an invaluable skill.

By discerning dramatists, cultivating a subtle presence, mastering the art of controlled detours, implementing discretionary measures, and establishing firm boundaries, one can effectively shield oneself from the orchestrators of interpersonal theatrics.

May this strategic guide empower you to curate a life free from the scripted narratives of others and foster a more harmonious existence.

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health and fitness

Gym for the win!!

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I love my gym! And they love me! I have so many friends in both the personal trainers and the lovely people I know in my regular classes. I won Member of the Month after being nominated by my personal trainers and I am honoured to have been chosen!😀🏋️🧘‍♀️

As 2023 begins to draw towards a close, I find myself reflecting on a year that, like for many, brought its share of challenges. Yet, amidst the storms, I discovered an unwavering anchor—the gym.

In a world of uncertainty, it became my sanctuary, my happy place, and the foundation for navigating the tumultuous seas of life.

The Gym as My Happy Place:

In the rhythmic hum of weights clanging and the steady beat of my heart, I discovered solace. The gym transformed into more than a place to break a sweat; it became a haven where I recharged my spirit and found clarity.

The endorphin-fueled euphoria that follows a workout became my refuge from the anxieties of the outside world.

Navigating the Challenges:

This year presented health challenges that tested my resilience. However, I am profoundly grateful for the strong foundation of fitness I had built over the years.

Staying committed to my fitness routine turned out to be a lifeline during moments of uncertainty.

The strength, both physical and mental, that I cultivated in the gym became my armour against the adversities I faced.

The Importance of Fitness as We Age:

As the candles on the birthday cake increase, the value of maintaining fitness, strength, and balance becomes clearer.

The gym is not just a place for the young; it’s a sanctuary for those of us who’ve danced a bit longer under the sun. In fact, it’s as we age that the importance of consistent exercise becomes paramount.

A Personal Revelation:

I can’t help but believe that my journey through health challenges would have been far more arduous if I hadn’t prioritized my fitness.

The stamina built in strength and cardio classes, the muscles sculpted through weight training, and the balance refined in yoga all contributed to my resilience.

This journey has been a testament to the saying, “We do not stop exercising because we grow old; we grow old because we stop exercising.”

Sailing into 2024:

As the year comes to a close, I find myself in a great place—physically robust and emotionally resilient. The gym, my steadfast companion, has not only been a refuge but a launchpad propelling me into the coming year with optimism and vigour.

The weights lifted, the kilometres (miles) run, and the moments of mindfulness in the yoga studio have not only shaped my physique but also forged a resilient mindset that transcends the physical.

Closing Thoughts:

So here’s to the gym, the tireless supporter that stood by me in challenging times. As the clock ticks down to a new year, I sail into 2024 on a high note, armed with the strength and tenacity cultivated in the embrace of my fitness sanctuary.

If there’s one lesson I carry with me, it’s the profound impact of prioritizing our well-being, especially as we age. The gym isn’t just a place; it’s a vessel propelling us toward a future where we are not just surviving but thriving.

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Relationships

Navigating Red Flags in Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing, Responding, and Prioritizing Self-Love

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red flag forrest

I have talked about “red flag” behaviour in previous relationships in previous blog posts. I’ve discussed how sometimes it was subtle to begin with, then the gaslighting, lying, emotional manipulation and controlling behavior increased over time and how you always end up second guessing yourself.

I have gained a lot of self-awareness from these previous toxic connections and learned how to recognize red flags, ensure that I set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care.

Because I have experienced this type of behaviour and I know for sure many people are dealing with toxic relationships that I will share my personal experiences with you all and shine a light on how to identify and deal with “red flag” behavior.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. While we often find ourselves basking in the honeymoon phase, it’s crucial to remain vigilant for signs of potential trouble. Red flag behaviors in relationships can be elusive, sometimes only surfacing later down the track. As someone who has navigated the complexities of relationships, I understand the importance of recognizing these red flags and taking decisive action to ensure your well-being.

Identifying Red Flag Behavior:

It’s not uncommon for red flags to remain hidden in the initial stages of a relationship. As excitement and infatuation take center stage, we may overlook subtle signs of concerning behavior. It’s vital to cultivate self-awareness and pay attention to changes in your partner’s conduct. Common red flags include:

  1. Controlling Behavior: If your partner exhibits a need for control over various aspects of your life, it may be a cause for concern. This could manifest in decisions both big and small, from what you wear to who you spend time with.
  2. Isolation Tactics: Be wary if your partner actively discourages you from spending time with friends and family. Healthy relationships encourage independence and personal growth, rather than isolation.
  3. Lack of Communication: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your partner consistently avoids discussing important matters or becomes defensive when approached, it’s a red flag.
  4. Manipulative Tactics: Manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping to gaslighting. If you find yourself questioning your own reality or feeling emotionally drained, it’s crucial to address these manipulative behaviors.

Responding to Red Flags

When red flags appear on the horizon, it’s essential to respond proactively. Ignoring or rationalizing concerning behavior can lead to more significant challenges in the future. Here are some steps to consider:

  1. Trust Your Instincts: Your intuition is a powerful guide. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Acknowledge your feelings and take them seriously.
  2. Open Communication: Share your concerns with your partner in a calm and assertive manner. Healthy relationships thrive on communication, and addressing issues early can prevent escalation.
  3. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them to your partner. If these boundaries are disrespected, it may be a sign that the relationship is not built on mutual respect.
  4. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends and family. Discussing your concerns with those who care about you can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.

Prioritizing Self-Love and Safety

Above all, remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and recognize when a relationship may not be serving your best interests. Here are some key considerations:

  1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your needs, values, and goals. A healthy relationship should contribute positively to your life and personal growth.
  2. Know Your Worth: Understand that you deserve love and kindness from a partner. Settling for less than you deserve can lead to long-term emotional harm.
  3. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If red flags persist and your safety is at risk, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide guidance and assistance.

Navigating red flag behaviors in relationships requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal well-being. Drawing from personal experience, I encourage everyone to prioritize self-love, trust their instincts, and seek support when needed. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, kindness, and understanding.

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The Covenant that ties…

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ocean view and the words "time with family is a gift"

What is family? Who do you count as family? Is it just blood ties or do you have friends that you consider family?

This time of year we are close to Christmas and in the US it is Thanksgiving time. Both occasions are all about family, times of love & happiness, but can also be fraught with conflict and discord.

My daughter is my family and we love each other dearly. I also have family on the other side of the country. Family for me includes close friends. One friend hosts an “orphans” Christmas breakfast at the beach each year (we live in Australia, so Christmas is peak summertime for us!).

Having been married twice, I also have extended family. My first husband’s sister is someone I will always consider family, even though our connection is no longer via the marriage bond, she is someone I hold dear. My second husband and I are still friends (years after we divorced) and always will be and I remained close with his mother until she passed.

A previous partner, however, had a very tumultuous and toxic family. Always feuding with each other. Always threatening each other and sending abusive messages to each other. They thought that was normal. I was both appalled and aghast when shown the vitriol that was sent back and forth. It was ugly!

Vicious name calling and I mean vicious, no foul language was off limits! Abuse & threats were sent back & forth in equal measure. I had never in all my life witnessed such toxic behaviour, ever!! And I hope I never do again. Even reading such sickening messages was emotionally damaging and they were not aimed at me.

No-one in my life, family or friends, have ever spoken to me or me to them in the horrid and abusive way of this mob. It was insane! They have behaved like this for many, many years and amongst themselves they have normalized this abusive and damaging behavior. None of them cared about the damage they inflicted on each other, it was harrowing to witness. My then partner was regularly brought to tears of grief and despair – then he would fire back equally vile messages in retaliation! It was nuts!

Those people made it very clear that I was NOT family, regardless of my being in a relationship with one of theirs for some time. Praise be for that I say! Never would I wish to be known as belonging to such toxic people. They were all big on “blood is thicker than water” – clearly an excuse for toxic and damaging behaviour towards each other. The kicker is that they (and many other people) have got that expression totally wrong. They think it means ties of blood/kin are stronger than ties of “water” or non-kin.

However, the actual expression is “The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” As in bonds that you’ve made by choice are more important than the people that you are bound to by the water of the womb. Here’s a link that explains the original Covenant quote.

I hope however you celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas that you are surrounded by loving, kind and genuine folk who care for you as you care for them, whether they are ties of the womb or Covenant of blood. 💕

imagecredit:Margienance

 

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