Relationships

It’s all about respect

By Posted on 1 2 m read
the word respect image

Storytime

I’ve been reflecting on how one of my relationships ended. It ended abruptly and brutally. Writing about it is both painful and cathartic.

To be honest I think the relationship was lurching towards a finish anyway. I had thoughts off and on about ending it. Communication was not really healthy and I would regularly let things slide to keep the peace. There comes a time when you can’t just brush things aside and if you are feeling unhappy or disrespected and have no opportunity to work through it, then it feels like the only option is to move on.

My partner’s favourite expression was “the grass isn’t always greener”, whenever he referred to his feelings about me/our relationship or when he was annoyed with me. I felt uncomfortable with that sentiment. It was as if I was only kept around because the other options were somehow less appealing and not that our relationship was intrinsically important or that I as a human being was valued. Hearing that on a regular basis caused me a great deal of discomfort.

Towards the end we had been at odds with each other – not necessarily more or less than at any other time when we were in disagreement about things. This is not about who is right or who is wrong. There are elements and degrees of mutual responsibility when two people are in disharmony.

What this is about is basic respect for another human being.

My partner ended our long-term relationship in a message.

Not in a phone call. Not face-to-face in a difficult conversation.

But in a message.

That is absolutely and utterly disrespectful.

I know in the dating world there is a lot of that behaviour, I read and hear about it all the time.

However, when you have shared your life fully with a person for several years, regardless of what led to the breakdown, you do owe the other person the courtesy of ending things in a civilized and respectful manner. That is not negotiable. We have an obligation to behave like decent human beings towards each other.

Anyway, it’s all in the past and I hope that he found that lush, green grass he was seeking. I also hope he reflected upon his behaviour and did not take that level of disrespect into his next relationship!

respect people's feeling

Credit for colorful RESPECT image to Marco Verch – professional photographer – https://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/

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Living my Best Life!

By Posted on 0 4 m read
words just living my best life

Weekend #1 post breakup.

Saturday

I was a bit anxious on Friday. For the last 3 ½ years I have literally spent every single weekend with my (ex) partner.

Contemplating my first solo weekend was a bit anxiety inducing and a bit sad too.

My day was usual, I don’t work Fridays. I went to the gym for a pump class at 6, then walked my dog at the park.

Then the usual Friday things, another gym session late in the morning – balance class this time, then grocery shopping, grabbing an almond milk long macchiato on the way home, lunch, read, housework, and another doggie walk.

Oh, and I had a facial too! Part of my self-care is doing all the things that make me feel good, including some pampering.

I’d already decided to go dancing, I know enough people to hang with. However, my friend Helen called in the afternoon. Mostly to check in that I was doing ok – which was thoughtful of her. I told her I was heading out dancing in the evening and invited her along.

She rocked up a bit before 8pm (I was driving from my place) and snap! We were wearing near identical dresses! Her clothing style and colour range is usually completely different to mine, but she’d gone shopping in the day to expand her range. I could have changed, but thought it was more fun to roll up twinning it.

two women in blue dresses

We got to the venue, and I ran into a couple of friends straight away and a few more once we got inside. Massive hugs all round, everyone thrilled to see me out and concerned about how I was feeling post breakup. I love my friends! Told everyone I was fine and dandy, bit of a sad day, but great to be out with familiar faces and ready for a night of dancing!

My mate John was there and I had the first couple of dances with him, he’s a great lead and very easy to dance with. The first dance or two felt strange, again I literally only ever danced with my (ex) partner over the years, and you get quite used to the one style.

Then everything was fine, I just got into the groove and started to feel relaxed and happy. I danced with lots of different guys, some friends from my classes, others I didn’t know. Some were great leads, some not so much.

In amongst all this I’ve had a few guys slip into my DMs or call me over Messenger as they’d seen or heard about my FB post re the breakup. Asking me to go out for drinks or catch up for a night out. Sigh! Calm down lads, I’m not up for dating anyone at the moment and sheesh, talk about giving a girl time to get over a breakup. That’s a hard no!

On Saturday. I woke early, feeling happy and relaxed. I walked Georgie-boy at the park, had breakfast (avo on toast and coffee). I have my first gym session at 9.45 and another one at 1pm. In between, I’m writing this blog post and chatting with my daughter over Messenger and on the phone (we’re catching up tomorrow for brunch).

First gym session was a Balance Class. That one I really love. A mix of yoga and Pilates. How can you not smile when doing Happy Warrior II pose? It makes me feel strong, powerful and lightweight in my strength. We always end with a relaxation session and a heart chakra pose. I always leave feeling blissful, flexible, and happy.

Link https://www.yogajournal.com/poses/warrior-ii-pose/

I bought my coffee and some flowers on the way home.

flowers in a vase

Little bit more housework this afternoon, wash the doggo and then I’ll head to another dance this evening. I’ll go with Helen again, but this time she’ll be driving and definitely no twinning our dresses tonight!

Sunday

Dance last night was awesome! My dance card was full, I barely left the dance floor!

Woke up happy and relaxed again this morning. Took the dog to the park, he’s loving the extra walks. Went to church to reflect and found peace.

I feel as though I have stepped back into my own life. Have you ever been with someone and felt as though you have been inserted into their life and consequently lost touch with your own? I allowed it to happen, but it is a massive relief to feel back to myself again.

My daughter came over later in the morning and we ended up going out for brunch at a café by the river. So nice to see and spend time with her, she’s amazing, kind, considerate, loving, smart and just the best daughter!

Then this afternoon my dance classes started up again for 2023. I’ve been really looking forward to them starting up. It’s a bit later this year, it’s usually mid-January, so it’s been a bit of a hiatus.

And OMG! It was brilliant! So great to see everyone and my dance teachers, lots of new students too. Two hours of classes and some line dancing afterwards. I felt a bit sad at first, then got into the swing of it all and just had fun and laughs! Nice to feel light-hearted enough to laugh!

All in all, I’d say weekend #1 was a success. Sure, there were moments of sadness and missing him. But making the effort to go out and see people, dance and socialize and have fun really helped me get through this first difficult time.

I’m going to be ok. I have so much love and support around me, I am truly blessed.

Credit for living my best life image – http://www.redbubble.com/people/ohya

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Relationships

Breakups!

By Posted on 4 4 m read
vase of flowers

How to build resilience during/after a relationship breakup…

My relationship of 3 and 1/2 years recently hit the skids. Unfortunate and kinda sad, but such is life!

I did not instigate the breakup, I’m more a person who likes to take time to figure things out and try to resolve any tensions. Oh well.

Anyway, this post is about building resilience, it’s how I deal with traumatic life events and what works for me. Take what resonates and leave the rest if it does not.

First up. Do not wallow in self pity. Sure it’s tempting to rock in the corner sobbing over a container of Ben & Jerry’s or sit hugging a bottle of wine. However, that really does not help. Not at all. You might think it’s comforting, but it’s not. You only end up having a pity party for one and feeling even more crap!

Pick yourself up and take care of yourself. You are important, you are valued and you have to look after yourself.

I think relationship breakups send us into a state of shock and you feel somewhat unmoored and adrift in life. What once was there has suddenly gone and you are left reeling.

As you know from earlier posts, I am big on exercise and healthy eating. It helps with my physical and emotional well-being. Therefore, when life throws me a curve ball, I ramp it all up.

Literally.

1. Exercise

I spend more time at the gym. Seriously, you cannot wallow or worry if you are lifting weights and doing endless squats and lunges. Ramping up your exercise regimen is a good thing. You feel strong and powerful and your mind is very much focused on the next move. I also have a lot of friends at the gym and I love my instructors, it’s such a supportive and social environment. If the gym is not your thing, increase whatever it is you do for exercise, take longer walks, swim further, dance more! Trust me, it helps a lot.

2. Eat healthy and well

Next, I make sure that my 95%-ish plan of eating healthy food, increases to 100%. Good, healthy, nutritious food not only nourishes your body, it is giving your mind and emotions the wherewithal to stay on an even keel. You are also performing an act of self-love. Preparing and cooking beautiful meals helps with the healing process.

3. Avoid the wine

Stay away from alcohol. It’s a depressant. It alters your brain chemistry and can make you more sad and/or depressed. Just give it a miss for a while, you will feel better about yourself.

4. Connect with your social network

Spend time with your support network. My family love me and are unconditionally supportive. I have a wide network of friends that I have built over the years. I have friends from the dance community, the gym, friends I run with and friends I’ve known for years that I hang with and chat and laugh together. I am there for them in the good times and the bad and I know I can call on them in my times of need and they are there without question, offering tea, a shoulder to cry on, hugs and love. I feel honoured to be surrounded with love.

5. Don’t stay home – go out!

Accept those offers, go out, even if you don’t really feel like it. It’s important to keep up your social life and not sit at home feeling sad and blue. A lovely friend of mine has invited me to a party this evening, he often has casual get togethers with other people I know and some I don’t. I will be there. This weekend there are a couple of dances on and for sure I will be there dancing up a storm. It’s what I love and makes me feel happy.

6. Listen to uplifting music

Do not play those sad ballads, they will just bring you down and make you cry. Find a list of happy songs (whatever genre you prefer) or those breakup songs that are empowering. A couple to consider are GRL Ugly Heart, Lizzo’s Good as Hell, Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off. My current and all time favourite is Miley’s current and perfect breakup song Flowers – this one for sure you can play on repeat! It’s powerful and will help you reclaim your power!!

6. Moving forward

Yes, life will feel strange and different for a while. It’s a jolt to have been in a deeply intimate relationship with another human and then it suddenly ends. There’s really nothing you can do to change that. Do not text. Do not call. Do not stalk their social media. Mute them on socials or block if the breakup was unpleasant and the chance of a friendship developing has a snowballs chance in hell. Focus on yourself, your needs and keep moving forward one step and one day at a time. Soon enough the uncomfortable feelings will dissipate, you will find hours, then days when they do not enter your thoughts at all. And then, one day not too far in the future you will feel absolutely fine.

And as Miley says “I can love me better than you can”. Brb, just stepping out to buy myself some flowers, then go dancing!

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health and fitness

Self Care

By Posted on 0 2 m read
self care image

In a hectic world…

…it is important to prioritize self care. It’s easy enough to forget and not focus on the things that nourish our mind, spirit and well-being.

Whether life is going well or you are in a difficult space, try to remember to be mindful that you need to be kind to yourself.

Sure, if life is tricky and you really feel you need to, then eat that ice-cream or chomp that chocolate. But then do something kind and gentle for yourself. Eat the healthy meal first, take a walk, meditate, go for a run or a swim, catch up with a friend or family member.

I aim to do a little meditation practice on most days. I keep up my exercise regimen and ramp up my healthy eating when I feel I’ve lost control of my world. In times of stress your body and mind are negatively impacted (and I’m not talking about “good” stress, which in itself can be motivating). I’m talking about those times when you hit a rough patch and you cannot quite see the way clear.

By caring for yourself you give yourself the space to reflect upon your situation and clarify your thoughts and understand what has or is happening and what you can do or if you just have to sit still for a bit or let go.

I came across an interesting take on meditation which is the concept of “sending and taking”. With each in breath we take in someone’s pain, with each out breath, we send them relief. It’s a form of focusing on others which then has the effect of increasing our compassion for others and ourselves. Here’s a link for you to read more about this practice.

Self-care is important for all the reasons I have outlined. However getting too caught up in our own thoughts and issues can be counterproductive. Hence, my resonating with this form of meditation. Look after yourself and be kind and compassionate to yourself and others ❤️

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Car parking lots…

By Posted on 0 2 m read
red car with dent

My poor shiny car!

When I downsized from my house to my unit, I bought a new car. My old one was on it’s last legs (wheels) and more than ready for a trade-in. Really, all it was worth were maybe a couple of spare parts.

And I bought a shiny red Mazda in that gorgeous “soul red crystal’ colour that I absolutely love!

I’ve had my new car for a year now and it just had it’s first service a week ago. It’s a great car, super reliable, easy to drive, has 360 degree cameras and really economical with petrol (gas).

Then on Friday morning I went to the gym, parked my car well within the parking lines (check the pic above! And I just realized you can see a reflection of my legs and feet in the car! It sure is shiny!🤣). When I got back to my car I found that someone had opened their door with some force and left a dent and white paint on my passenger door 😞

They did not leave a note, so I have no idea who it was. Which means I either claim the damage on my car insurance and lose my “no claim bonus” and my insurance premiums will go up for making a claim. That’s because without the other parties details I can’t claim against their insurance (assuming they had any and hey maybe they can’t afford insurance, so I can’t get too grudgey!) Thus the default position is that it’s my fault for claiming. Insurance rules sure are interesting!

The other option is to go to a panel beater, get a quote and then pay for the repair out of my pocket and not bother with my insurance company. Likely that is what I will do, even though it’s not an expense I need in my budget. The damage is noticeable enough and worth getting fixed.

I was briefly a bit steamed about it, but really there is nothing I can do. Once I realized there was no note, I shrugged and thought “oh well” such is life!

 

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health and fitness

Swimming as therapy (for your mind!)

By Posted on 0 2 m read
woman in green swimsuit

Swim/swam. Splish/splash…

This weekend has been emotionally fraught and draining. It’s Sunday afternoon and I have been feeling quite wiped out. I was messaging my daughter and told her I might go for a swim or just be lazy.

She replied immediately and said to go for a swim as it would make me feel better and she’s correct.

Mind you, it wasn’t that straightforward. Fortunately, I live in a town where we have lots of public swimming pools. The first one I went to was closing as the power had gone out in the neighbourhood.

So I went a couple suburbs over to my other favourite pool. Hopped in and swam 14 laps and the pool attendant called out to me to stop. They were putting up the wall to turn the 50 metre pool into a 25 metre pool. They do that sometimes if they are having kids lessons in the other half.

I usually like to swim at least 20 laps of the 50 metre. I could have continued with the 25 metre after waiting a few minutes for them to raise the wall in the middle. But I thought, you know what? 14 laps are good for today and I sure did feel a lot better.

I find swimming soothing and meditative. I find I can ease stressed emotions and basically let go of what is bothering me. I was also composing this blog post as I swam along.

Swimming is a great all round exercise, it doesn’t stress your joints as it’s low-impact. It’s a workout for your whole body, it’s good for your heart and lungs and really good for your mental health/emotional wellbeing. Check out this article for more information on the benefits of swimming.

I love to swim in the summer months and try to go at least once/week. During the winter I find it a bit more challenging to fling myself in the water, but when I do I always love it! Another benefit for my being a “senior” now is that I get discounted entry to the pool!

What’s not to love? Oh and I love my new swimsuit – Speedos – comfy and flexible, perfect for swimming and check out the green!

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health and fitness

Some days (weeks) I’m just not feeling it!

By Posted on 0 4 m read
image of a woman's leg in running shoe

Health journey… (with links to reliable articles to explain medical terms and conditions)

I would love to be able to say I eat healthily and exercise every single day and for the most part I do (more or less). However, there are days (and sometimes a week or two) whereby I just don’t.

There are so many articles, books, blog posts, Instagram stories of fit, healthy and fabulous people trying to inspire us to live a better and healthier lifestyle. Some of the thoughts and images are both inspirational and sometimes discouraging as they portray a certain perfection that is not necessarily attainable. Then you have the posts of “real” images – which are better, but still.

I’m kind of one of them. Sort of. I try to show and maintain a fit and healthy image and lifestyle, I try to be relatable and real. I don’t follow any particular “diet” as I find they are limited in nutritional value and primarily set people up for failure. You can follow most diets and achieve weight loss (not necessarily an improvement in your health, unless you need to lose weight for weight related diseases such as metabolic syndrome, cardiovascular disease and/or type II diabetes).

However, most diets are self limiting and not designed to be ongoing. Especially if they are particularly restrictive, most people will either get fed up with following the diet, start craving the foods that caused their ill health in the first place or stop when they have reached a goal weight. Then go back to how it used to be and wonder why the diet hasn’t worked long term.

I’ve always said that however you eat for health, good nutrition needs to be your actual lifestyle. Your day to day eating plan, exercise regimen and how you live your life will govern your best health outcomes.

Which is why I puzzle my own self when I have days where I either eat way too much or pick up something at the store that is nutritionally unsound (crap, rubbish, junk food). I know most health promoters talk about cheat meals or treats and yes, that is all well and good. But I’m talking more about just sabotaging your own health plan and goals.

I know for me personally I need to maintain a certain body weight, I know 100% that if I go over a certain weight my blood pressure starts creeping up. High blood pressure and heart disease is in my family – inherited and genetically based.

My father had heart disease and had his first heart attack in his early 50s, he also had a stroke in his 60s and a quadruple heart bypass surgery in his early/mid 60s.

Both my sisters have early signs of heart disease. They have both been on blood pressure medication since their late 40s, cholesterol lowering meds since their early 50s and the older one is also on angina medication. So I am mindful of my family history and genetic predisposition, so I have always maintained my health and fitness levels.

So, to wind up, I started on my health and fitness journey probably from my late 20s (I quit smoking and took up swimming and eating better). I am now 64 and very fit and fairly healthy – I don’t have any chronic diseases or any signs of heart disease. My blood pressure (last time it was checked was 116/66 which is really, really good!)

I get disappointed in myself when I sabotage my own health journey. But the good thing is that it’s never all the time, I don’t just give up and give in (I guess I’m tenacious like that!). I’m still trying to figure out the sabotage, it’s sometimes when I’m feeling down or feeling stressed or sometimes I have no freaking idea… but I think because of 40 years of improving my eating and my exercise/fitness, I always want to go back to the health journey that I want to be on and set aside the setbacks as literally just that – setbacks.

There is no magic potion, book, article, blog or Instagram post that will be the “thing” that makes you want to improve your health and fitness. You start with one step forward, the odd step sideways, sometimes a step or two backwards, then back to one step forward.

A little progress each day really does add up to big results long term! You may not always be able to see or feel it, but trust that it will and trust yourself and know that the little “saboteur” within us may wreak occasional havoc, but your better self is mostly in the lead!

 

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health and fitness

Foam Fest!

By Posted on 0 2 m read
mother and daughter

I convinced my daughter to join me in Foam Fest 2023

It was a 5km obstacle run! She was a little uncertain about joining in, but I said I’d signed up and she did likewise.

It was in the countryside at Brigadoon in Western Australia, so almost like a trail run – with obstacles! There were water slides, mud pits, lily pads, more water slides, log roles, hurdles and rope climbs…

We were in the first wave as I figured the course would get fairly mucky later in the day. That meant a 6am rise and at the course by 7am for check in… on a Saturday!

My little girl is a real trooper and was fine with my stealing her Saturday morning rest and relaxation time.

We went through a foam curtain to start off and then just ran! The first obstacle was a hurdle, my daughter leaped over, myself? More an undignified scramble 🤣

We were happily running together and chatting, it was a slightly cool start, but the sun soon put on the heat!

We got to the first mud pit and waded through, I slipped and fell in half way through and then at the end we had to clamber out. She reached back for my hand to help haul me out.

All the obstacles I managed and got through them. I am really proud and pleased with myself as some of them were quite challenging!

Nearing the end, we got to the lily pads, you can see from the photo above we had to run across them without landing in the water… My daughter ran across like a graceful gazelle! Me? More like a waddling, demented duck! At the end my daughter was waiting with her hands out and she helped me get back onto land before we continued running.

Every obstacle, she checked in with me either during or at the end to make sure I was ok. She offered her hands for every one that I needed help hauling myself out of…

The last one was a giant water slide! I’ve never been fond of water slides (I was ok with the middling ones on this course) and I also don’t like heights.

My daughter launched herself down and waited for me.

I baulked. I sat at the top, crossed my arms like instructed, then panicked. I got up and climbed back down. I kind of wish I had just thrown myself down and have mild regret that I didn’t. However, I also realise that sometimes I just can’t and you know, that’s ok!

My daughter waited for me and we then ran together to the finish line – hand in hand.

She is the best person in my life, hands down!!!

If you are interested in Foam Fest, here is the link for more information.

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all about the dog

When your dog is sick…

By Posted on 0 3 m read
dog on his dog bed

My poor boy George was unwell yesterday. Dogs can get really sick really fast and then recover just as quickly. He had been nibbling at some grass at the park in the morning which made me wonder if he was not feeling great.

I went to the gym mid morning and stayed for a double class. I stopped for a coffee on the way home and as soon as I opened the door I was like hmmmm, that smells a bit funky!

George had had a couple of bouts of diarrhea on my bed and on the floor in the living room and he had also vomited on his dog bed. It was a bit of a smelly mess. I gave him lots of pets and used my most soothing voice to reassure him that it was all ok and to rest up whilst I cleaned up.

Thank goodness for latex gloves, paper towels and my mop! I stripped the bed and put the sheets in the wash, I scrubbed the mattress and then sprayed it liberally with Glen-20. I scooped up all the loose poop on the floor and the vomit on his dog-bed and threw it all and the gloves in a trash bag and flung it in the bin outside.

He had to go outside a few more times to poop and I just hosed it into the grass, there was no scooping of that loose mess!

I washed his dog bed, but it’s not ideal, the cover doesn’t come off and it’s been shoved in the machine a few times over the last few years and it’s become all lumpy and hard.

I decided we needed to go to his favourite pet supply store and buy him a new bed. He came for the ride as the store is pet friendly and he’s allowed inside on a leash. Bit of a risk as he might have hurled on the back seat, but he just lay down and napped. He perked up at the store, it’s his favourite place to visit (that and his doggy daycare).

We looked around for beds and chose the one in the pic above. It’s one of those calming dog beds and it has a removable cover, so it can be washed easily and the bed itself will maintain its structure. He sniffed it suspiciously when we got home, but you can see he decided that he does love it afterall.

He only drank water for the remainder of the day and didn’t seem to want food. I gave him a small handful of dog kibble this morning and he has brightened up considerably.

It’s good to see him back in top form and he was all a-gallop at the park and played with a couple of his doggy friends. If he’d been sick during the night it would have meant a trip to the vet, animals can get dehydrated really quickly, but because he got up in the night to drink more water I figured whatever had upset his stomach had passed and he was ok.

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dancing

And it’s 2023!

By Posted on 0 2 m read
Wearing red for new year's eve

Happy New Year! 🎊💃🥂🕛🎇

I spent NYE dancing and managed to last the distance until midnight! It was a long haul!😂

The last hour was tough and a few of my friends bailed before the midnight hour! My partner is always really keen to make it to midnight on New Year’s and I was determined to not just make it, but still be dancing and laughing all the way. I guess for sure it’s a sign of getting older that staying out late is not so appealing. Usually we hang around dancing for a good couple of hours, then leave on a high note.

I love dancing with my partner, we have a great rhythm and sync really well with our dance moves and we are just so comfortable dancing with each other. Rock & Roll and Jive are our favourite styles. But we also love the slower waltzes and shmoozy dance tunes. Progressive dances are always a hoot as well, especially now that we actually know all the steps to them and no longer step on or crash into other dancers!

They have progressives and line dancing when the band take their breaks. I love watching the line dances, but I’m not that adept at them (yet!). I did jump in on the Chilli ChaCha and the Fireball, I had most of the steps, but still managed to turn the wrong way now & again. There was a lovely lady in front letting me know which way to turn and when to wiggle in the ChaCha!! Her wiggle was awesome, mine was way more awkward, but still it was fun!

Then they put on Nutbush City Limits just before midnight, it’s a real Aussie dance routine, the minute the opening bars start playing literally everyone will jump on the dance floor and join in (check out the link if you are not familiar with it). It’s great fun and was the perfect song and dance routine to end the year before wishing everyone a Happy New Year!

I sometimes wonder why it’s so important to wait for the clock to tick over to the new year. However, I will say I did feel quite emotional this time and also quite hopeful that 2023 will be a gentler year for everyone. I wish you a happy, healthy, fulfilling and kind 2023!

 

 

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