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When folk are overly interested in your life…
Life

When folk are overly interested in your life…

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It never ceases to amaze me how much some people love to gossip about others!

Mostly the gossip is either an exaggeration or outright fiction about others’ lives.

I’ve had my fair share of folk who flap their jaws bad-mouthing me. It always causes me to raise an eyebrow and wonder with curiosity as to what is so lacking in their lives that they try to turn mine into a soap opera!😂

Gossip is a reflection of the person doing the gossiping and not the person being gossiped about. They are weak and need other people’s approval to validate their self-worth.

The gossiper is usually a very insecure person. They talk about others so that no one notices their insecurities and their inadequacies.

People talk about others when they are not happy with themselves. If you are busy with a joyful, motivated life you really don’t have the kind of time required to engage in this type of activity.

There is a word for this: “scandalmonger. a person who spreads malicious gossip.” (vocabulary.com)

According to Insight Therapy:

People gossip for a number of reasons (that really have nothing to do with you!)

  1. To feel superior. Many people who are insecure about themselves find temporary relief in judging others. Knowing something that others don’t can feel empowering, and sometimes, that’s all an uncertain gossiper needs. But, it can also make you appear untrustworthy.
  2. They have a sadistic personality. Emotional sadism – someone who comes off as harsh, aggressive, intimidating, or demeaning is rooted in gossip. This type of character enjoys knowing that someone else is experiencing pain or misfortune, delighted that it’s not happening to them.
  3. They’re bored. When people can’t generate exciting discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can arouse people’s interest.
  4. Anxiety. Anxious people are more likely to spread rumors and partake in gossip, according to research. And since uncertainty or feeling out of control is significant in anxiety, gossiping can make someone get that sense of control back.
  5. To feel like part of the group. Alongside that feeling of connection we desire, sometimes people gossip to feel like they belong to the group. Being the center of someone or a group’s attention while gossiping can be compared to buying attention. Yet, this feeling of acceptance isn’t based on a person’s identity or personality but exclusion or maliciousness.

If you find yourself the focus of a gossip, regardless of their underlying motivation, the best thing you can do is maintain your dignity.

When it has happened to me, I never respond, I never clarify or explain and I never gossip back about the gossiper!

I always maintain my silence and my dignity. At the end of the day ALL my family and friends know me well. Those loyal to me would never for a minute countenance any garbage spoken about me or my character.

If anyone else does listen. Good. Enjoy the drama, season 2 is on the way! 😂

My advice to you is to keep your eyes on your own path. That is more important, more true and more relevant than ever listening to what others have to say about you. You know your self-worth and you really can rise above it all!

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life is good, loving life & all that it brings!
Life

life is good, loving life & all that it brings!

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Here we are almost half way through the year! Woooo, time surely does fly!

For me, this has been a great year and I am sure it will continue to be fabulous.

Last year was a bit of a dumpster fire healthwise and slowed me down a tad. But not entirely, I still kept up my dancing and gym and running in amongst it all. I think all of those things kept me going both physically and for my emotional wellbeing.

I also surround myself with the best people. My friends and family (most notably my daughter) and my partner are the most supportive and beautiful humans you could ever wish to have in your life.

I finally learned to keep my boundaries strong and to recognise early on any toxic, negative people and to either keep them at a distance or gently remove them from my life.

I don’t do drama. I do not welcome aggressive or negative people in my life. They are welcome to be whoever they wish to be – but at a nice, healthy distance from me!

My partner is an absolute delight. He is gentle and warmhearted, kind, smart, unique, funny and adorable!

We have a lot in common and he is also my dance partner. He loves my dog and cat and that to me, is also the measure of a good man.

cat on a wall climber

My dance friends are wonderful. Their energy and enthusiasm buoy me up whenever I am in their company. You cannot feel sad when you are on the dance floor! My dance teachers are also wonderful people – they are warm and welcoming.

They are supporting a lovely couple who joined relatively recently, picked up the moves quickly and recently won a couple of National titles. This couple are aiming for the world titles and our dance teachers are running a fundraising dance for them with full support from everyone in our community so we can send them across the country to compete! We all love Brooke & Pete – they are the loveliest couple you could ever wish to meet and we will all be wishing them the very best at the World Championship!

My gym buddies and trainers are likewise awesome people. They continually give me courage and strength to keep going and to aim for my strength and fitness goals. It is very much a community of likeminded people and we are welcoming of all newcomers and supportive of everyone, regardless of where they are at in their fitness & strength journey.

I retired early this year and it is the best decision and I wish I had done it earlier. I am loving living my life at my own, gentler pace. I am quite busy, but I have time and can make time to look after my wellbeing and take the occasional nap whenever I feel like it!

Apart from dancing, running & the gym. I am volunteering with my dog (George the Therapy Dog) doing one-off visits. I also volunteer with a cat rescue organisation and drive kittens and abandoned cats to carers and foster homes. I have also been volunteering with a refugee organisation. Basically, I am almost more busy than I was when working. However, it’s a type of busy that I enjoy and I have fun doing.

George the Therapy Dog

I occasionally work at my friend’s gym – on an ad-hoc basis. Usually, when she has other commitments and I can step in – again, only when it fits in with my life and my commitments.

All up, life is really good and I am happy and content. You really can’t ask for much more from life! 

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When you fall, I will pick you up…
Life

When you fall, I will pick you up…

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I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day, she has depression and some days she finds it really hard to get out of bed and start her day.

I feel her pain.

Some mornings are like that. You awaken feeling flat or down for no apparent reason.

You lie in bed and feel the weight of everything and nothing holding you down like a weighted blanket (but not the good kind).

My friend teaches part-time, usually in the mornings. That has become her lifeline. She gets up and gets going so as to not let down her students.

What is your lifeline? What gets you up in the morning? And what can you do if it all feels too hard?

Many people still don’t understand depression.

Another friend was puzzled by his friend who had severe depression, he said – “he had a lovely wife and home and job, there was no reason for him to be depressed.”

But that’s not how depression works.

You can look as though you have everything going right in your life, but still feel everything is wrong.

Depression is like a shadow that dims the brightest of days and cloaks the most vibrant of lives in a shroud of darkness. It’s a complex and multifaceted mental health condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their external circumstances or perceived successes.

Depression doesn’t discriminate based on wealth, status, or achievements – it can silently infiltrate the minds and hearts of individuals from all walks of life.

At first glance, it may seem paradoxical – how can someone who appears to have it all be consumed by such overwhelming sadness and despair? Yet, the reality is that depression often lurks beneath the surface, hidden behind carefully curated facades and painted smiles.

It’s not always visible to the outside world, and those grappling with depression may go to great lengths to conceal their inner turmoil behind a mask of “I’m ok, thank you for asking.” When in actuality they, like my friend, are battling dark demons every single day!

On the surface, their lives may seem picture-perfect – successful careers, loving relationships, material wealth – yet, internally, they may be battling a constant sense of emptiness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.

Depression can distort one’s perception of reality, making it difficult to find joy in life’s pleasures or see a way out of the darkness.

It’s important to understand that depression is not a reflection of personal weakness or failure. It’s a complex interplay of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can disrupt brain chemistry and mood regulation.

Despite outward appearances, those struggling with depression may be fighting an uphill battle against their own minds every single day. And that is absolutely exhausting! Can you imagine battling your own mind and thoughts all the time? The weariness that brings? Some days it works, other days – not so much.

The stigma surrounding mental illness often exacerbates the suffering of those with depression. They may fear judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding from others, leading them to suffer in silence and isolate themselves further.

The misconception that “having it all” should equate to happiness only adds to the burden of guilt and shame that many individuals with depression carry. We all need to be less judgmental as we do not know what is going on in the minds of those around us.

It’s crucial to recognize that depression is a real and debilitating illness that requires compassion, understanding, and support. It’s not enough to judge someone’s well-being based solely on external markers of success or happiness.

Instead, we must strive to create a culture of empathy and acceptance, where individuals feel safe to seek help without fear of stigma or shame.

Ultimately, depression teaches us that appearances can be deceiving and that true understanding lies beneath the surface. It reminds us to look beyond the outward façade and extend kindness and empathy to those who may be silently struggling.

Because no matter how well someone’s life may appear on the surface, they may still be in the grip of depression, yearning for a glimmer of hope to guide them through the darkness.

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Transformation, strength & renewal
Life

Transformation, strength & renewal

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A dear friend of mine sent me this quote by Viktor Frankl:

“When the situation is good, enjoy it.

When the situation is bad, transform it.

When the situation cannot be transformed,

transform yourself.”

She said it reminded her of me.

❤️

It is accurate. Whenever I encounter difficult situations in life, I try to figure out a way to work through it. I like to solve problems and puzzles. But some people and situations, like impossible puzzles, cannot be worked out.

When situations become untenable, I have the capacity to walk away, brush off the dust and transform my life into an even better version.

I value, above all else, peace of mind.

To me it is the most valuable commodity I have.

My life, at this point in time, is the most peaceful and tranquil it has ever been.

I surround myself with kindred souls, people who do not bring stress or drama into my (or their own) life.

That’s not to say I am not supportive when someone is struggling with an aspect of their life. I’m always there for them. I’m there with a listening ear, a cup of tea or coffee and occasionally some useful advice. And if they do not seek my counsel, I can listen without judgement or censure and just let them talk themselves out.

However, I do not allow people to take advantage of me and I keep my boundaries strong and secure.

The peace and serenity in my life is beautiful and glorious and I could not be happier.

It has been hard won. There have been times in my life with some relationships and friendships whereby toxic people have tried to break down my boundaries and drain my energy with their negative, drama filled nonsense.

I have the capacity, even when dragged into the cesspit of someone’s chaos, of being able to maintain a level of distance – like a protective self-shield, that allows me to bear witness to the chaos and understand that it is not of my making.

I can and I will step away.

If someone is trying to destroy your peace of mind or make you feel less than, know that you are worth more than that.

You are a beautiful being full of light and joy. Surround yourself with people who value and cherish you.

Never let anyone pull you down into their vortex of negativity. Rise above it, remove the talons of despair that threaten to rip your skin. And rise, rise like the Phoenix from the ashes. The Phoenix represents transformation, strength, and renewal. You are all of that! I see you❤️

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Healing from Childhood Trauma: A Journey to Emotional Well-being
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Healing from Childhood Trauma: A Journey to Emotional Well-being

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Someone dear to me confided in me about their traumatic childhood. They re-live the trauma over and over again, and their life has been one of great unhappiness and pain.

He is literally the most unhappy person I have ever met, he is filled with negativity, repressed anger and sadness. It has been a sorrow to me watching this lovely person struggle with life and relationships and knowing that there is nothing I can do to help without being sucked into the vortex of negativity.

He did not and does not realise that he carries this trauma like a weighted rock on his back and that the impact of unhealed trauma negatively impacted every aspect of his life.

I am dedicating today’s blog post to this friend of mine and I hope that one day he can find true peace of mind.

Today, we’ll explore how these unresolved issues can manifest in adulthood, and we’ll outline steps to recovery and a blueprint for building a more fulfilling life.

Childhood is meant to be a time of innocence and wonder, a period where memories are formed, and dreams take shape. However, for many individuals, childhood can also be marked by experiences of trauma, pain, and emotional distress.

Unresolved childhood trauma, internalized pain, and repressed anger can cast long shadows over our lives, shaping our relationships, our perceptions, and our emotional well-being.

Understanding the Impact of Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma can take many forms—physical abuse, emotional neglect, parental divorce, bullying, and more.

These experiences can leave deep emotional scars that linger long into adulthood. Individuals who have experienced childhood trauma may find themselves grappling with a host of issues, including low self-esteem, trust issues, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and a pervasive sense of shame and unworthiness.

Moreover, the pain and anger associated with childhood trauma can become internalized, leading to a cycle of self-destructive behaviour and emotional distress.

The Manifestations of Unresolved Trauma

The effects of unresolved childhood trauma can ripple through every aspect of our lives, from our personal relationships to our professional endeavours.

In relationships, unresolved trauma can breed insecurity, jealousy, and a fear of intimacy, leading to a pattern of broken relationships and emotional turmoil.

In the workplace, it can manifest as chronic stress, difficulty concentrating, and a sense of inadequacy that undermines our professional success.

Left unaddressed, these issues can perpetuate a cycle of negativity and emotional distress, robbing us of the joy and fulfillment we deserve.

Steps to Recovery and Emotional Healing

Recovering from childhood trauma requires courage, patience, and a commitment to self-discovery. Here are some steps to help you on your journey to healing:

  1. Acknowledge the Pain:

The first step towards healing is acknowledging the pain and trauma you experienced in childhood.

Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that accompany these experiences, without judgment or self-criticism.

  1. Seek Professional Help:

Healing from childhood trauma often requires the guidance of a trained therapist or counsellor who can provide support, validation, and tools for coping with difficult emotions.

Therapy can help you process past traumas, challenge negative thought patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

  1. Practice Self-Compassion:

Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the healing process.

Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit, whether it’s mindfulness meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative expression.

  1. Cultivate Healthy Relationships:

Surround yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who validate your experiences and uplift you on your journey to healing.

Healthy relationships built on trust, respect, and empathy can provide a source of comfort and strength as you work towards emotional well-being.

  1. Release Repressed Emotions:

Explore healthy outlets for releasing repressed anger and pent-up emotions, such as physical exercise, expressive arts therapy, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

A Blueprint for a Fulfilling Life

As you embark on your journey to healing, envision the life you desire—one characterized by resilience, authenticity, and emotional well-being.

Cultivate practices that nourish your soul and align with your values, whether it’s pursuing meaningful hobbies, setting boundaries to protect your emotional health, or embracing opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

Remember that healing is not a linear process, and it’s okay to seek support and guidance along the way.

With time, patience, and a commitment to self-care, you can break free from the chains of childhood trauma and embrace a life filled with positivity, resilience, and inner peace.

Childhood trauma casts a long shadow, but it does not have to define your future.

By acknowledging the pain, seeking support, and embracing practices that foster healing and emotional well-being, you can break free from the cycle of negativity and create a life that is rich in fulfillment, joy, and authenticity.

Remember, you are worthy of love, healing, and happiness—today and always.

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p.s. I’ve retired!
Life

p.s. I’ve retired!

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Throughout our lives, we encounter a myriad of individuals—some enriching, some challenging, and then there are those who fit into a category all their own: pests. They’re the ones who seem to derive joy from making our lives a tad more complicated, injecting unnecessary drama and stress into otherwise peaceful waters.

Today, I find myself reflecting on one such pest—a character who once inhabited the periphery of my existence and recently decided to resurface in a most peculiar manner. This individual, who shall remain nameless, took it upon themselves to lodge an anonymous complaint about my blog to my former workplace. Yes, you read that correctly: anonymous complaint, former workplace. Allow me to unpack this curious tale.

In the annals of my blog, I’ve occasionally touched upon anecdotes and experiences from my professional life. Always done so with discretion, mind you, and never in a manner that would compromise confidentiality or professionalism. Yet, like a hawk circling its prey, this pest scoured through my digital musings, seeking to unearth anything that could be twisted into a tool for their own amusement.

Their complaint? A trifling matter, to say the least. A few passing mentions of workplace incidents, all carefully anonymized, mind you, and certainly nothing that could incite a maelstrom of controversy. Nevertheless, the pest persisted, hoping, perhaps, to stir up trouble where there was none to be found.

What this pest failed to grasp, however, is that their efforts were as futile as shouting into the void. For you see, I have long since bid adieu to the realm of office politics and water cooler gossip. Retirement beckoned, and I heeded its call with open arms. My days are now spent basking in the glow of newfound freedom, far removed from the machinations of corporate life.

Imagine my bemusement, then, when a friend in HR kindly brought the anonymous complaint to my attention—a feeble attempt at sabotage, destined for the dustbin of irrelevance. Oh, the irony! To think that someone would expend such energy on a venture so utterly devoid of consequence.

But here’s the thing about pests: they thrive on attention, on the notion that they hold sway over our emotions and actions. And so, rather than succumb to indignation or frustration, I choose instead to laugh—to revel in the absurdity of it all. For what greater victory is there than to greet adversity with a hearty chuckle and a dismissive wave?

To the pest who sought to darken my doorstep with their petty grievances, I offer a simple message: cheers! Your efforts may have been in vain, but your persistence is nothing if not admirable. Keep trying, by all means, and I shall continue to find solace in the knowledge that your antics serve only to reaffirm my resilience.

In life we will find that pests will come and go, their presence but a fleeting nuisance in the grand scheme of things. And so, with that thought in mind, I raise a toast to the resilience of the human spirit—to the indomitable resolve that allows us to weather even the most trivial of storms.

Here’s to laughing in the face of adversity, to embracing life’s quirks with a smile and a shrug. For in the end, it is not the pests that define us, but our unwavering determination to rise above them, unscathed and undeterred.

Cheers to that, my friends. And may we never lose sight of the joy that comes from turning life’s lemons into the sweetest of lemonades.❤️

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