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Embracing Peace: Why Friendship Drama Becomes Less Appealing as We Age
Life

Embracing Peace: Why Friendship Drama Becomes Less Appealing as We Age

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As we journey through life, our priorities shift, and our perspectives evolve. One significant change many of us experience as we reach a certain age is a growing aversion to the drama often associated with some friendships.

I know that personally I ensure that if someone brings overwhelming stress to my table, they are no longer welcome. I can and I will prioritize myself and my personal well-being over the chaos of someone else’s chaotic life.

The Allure of Simplicity in Friendships

As we grow older, we begin to recognize that stressful friend dynamics can be draining.

We start to appreciate simplicity and authenticity in our relationships. The appeal of deep, meaningful connections becomes far more desirable than the fleeting excitement of drama.

Many individuals find themselves gravitating toward friends who bring positivity and support rather than those who contribute to stress and tension.

Prioritizing Mental Well-being Over Friendship Drama

As we mature, we face various life challenges—career pressures, family responsibilities, and health concerns. These factors heighten our awareness of mental health. We begin to understand the importance of surrounding ourselves with individuals who uplift us instead of those who bring drama into our lives.

Friendship drama can lead to anxiety, resentment, and emotional fatigue. As we age, we learn to prioritize our mental health and seek relationships that foster calm and support.

The desire for a peaceful life becomes paramount, and we become adept at recognizing friendships that enrich our lives rather than drain our energy.

Setting Healthy Boundaries in Friendships

Another vital aspect of this shift is the establishment of healthy boundaries. With age comes wisdom, and we learn that it’s acceptable to say “no” to relationships that no longer serve us.

We become more skilled at identifying toxic dynamics and are less inclined to tolerate behavior that disrupts our peace.

This doesn’t mean we abandon our friends when conflicts arise; rather, we approach friendships with a discerning eye. We understand that it’s okay to distance ourselves from those who thrive on drama or engage in constant negativity.

By setting boundaries, we create space for healthier, more fulfilling connections.

The Joy of Quiet Companionship

As we embrace this new phase of life, we often find joy in quieter, more stable friendships. These relationships are characterized by mutual respect, understanding, and a shared desire for peace. Activities like enjoying a quiet cup of coffee, going for a nature walk, or simply being in comfortable silence become cherished moments.

In this phase, we learn to appreciate the value of companionship without the need for constant excitement. The comfort of being with someone who understands us without the need for dramatic exchanges is a beautiful realization that often comes with maturity.

Finding Peace in Friendship

Reaching a certain age often brings a profound shift in our approach to friendships. The drama that once seemed thrilling can become burdensome, leading us to seek a quieter, more peaceful existence.

By prioritizing mental well-being, setting healthy boundaries, and embracing meaningful connections, we create a life that reflects our values and desires.

In the end, friendship, in its simplest form, is about connection—one that enriches our lives without the unnecessary chaos.

Embracing this phase can lead to deeper, more fulfilling relationships that nurture our souls and allow us to thrive in the serenity we crave.

Let’s celebrate this journey toward a peaceful life, where friendship drama becomes a distant memory, and tranquility reigns supreme. featured image credit:ktpaperdesigns

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When folk are overly interested in your life…
Life

When folk are overly interested in your life…

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It never ceases to amaze me how much some people love to gossip about others!

Mostly the gossip is either an exaggeration or outright fiction about others’ lives.

I’ve had my fair share of folk who flap their jaws bad-mouthing me. It always causes me to raise an eyebrow and wonder with curiosity as to what is so lacking in their lives that they try to turn mine into a soap opera!😂

Gossip is a reflection of the person doing the gossiping and not the person being gossiped about. They are weak and need other people’s approval to validate their self-worth.

The gossiper is usually a very insecure person. They talk about others so that no one notices their insecurities and their inadequacies.

People talk about others when they are not happy with themselves. If you are busy with a joyful, motivated life you really don’t have the kind of time required to engage in this type of activity.

There is a word for this: “scandalmonger. a person who spreads malicious gossip.” (vocabulary.com)

According to Insight Therapy:

People gossip for a number of reasons (that really have nothing to do with you!)

  1. To feel superior. Many people who are insecure about themselves find temporary relief in judging others. Knowing something that others don’t can feel empowering, and sometimes, that’s all an uncertain gossiper needs. But, it can also make you appear untrustworthy.
  2. They have a sadistic personality. Emotional sadism – someone who comes off as harsh, aggressive, intimidating, or demeaning is rooted in gossip. This type of character enjoys knowing that someone else is experiencing pain or misfortune, delighted that it’s not happening to them.
  3. They’re bored. When people can’t generate exciting discussions based on knowledge or ideas, gossip can arouse people’s interest.
  4. Anxiety. Anxious people are more likely to spread rumors and partake in gossip, according to research. And since uncertainty or feeling out of control is significant in anxiety, gossiping can make someone get that sense of control back.
  5. To feel like part of the group. Alongside that feeling of connection we desire, sometimes people gossip to feel like they belong to the group. Being the center of someone or a group’s attention while gossiping can be compared to buying attention. Yet, this feeling of acceptance isn’t based on a person’s identity or personality but exclusion or maliciousness.

If you find yourself the focus of a gossip, regardless of their underlying motivation, the best thing you can do is maintain your dignity.

When it has happened to me, I never respond, I never clarify or explain and I never gossip back about the gossiper!

I always maintain my silence and my dignity. At the end of the day ALL my family and friends know me well. Those loyal to me would never for a minute countenance any garbage spoken about me or my character.

If anyone else does listen. Good. Enjoy the drama, season 2 is on the way! 😂

My advice to you is to keep your eyes on your own path. That is more important, more true and more relevant than ever listening to what others have to say about you. You know your self-worth and you really can rise above it all!

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life is good, loving life & all that it brings!
Life

life is good, loving life & all that it brings!

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Here we are almost half way through the year! Woooo, time surely does fly!

For me, this has been a great year and I am sure it will continue to be fabulous.

Last year was a bit of a dumpster fire healthwise and slowed me down a tad. But not entirely, I still kept up my dancing and gym and running in amongst it all. I think all of those things kept me going both physically and for my emotional wellbeing.

I also surround myself with the best people. My friends and family (most notably my daughter) and my partner are the most supportive and beautiful humans you could ever wish to have in your life.

I finally learned to keep my boundaries strong and to recognise early on any toxic, negative people and to either keep them at a distance or gently remove them from my life.

I don’t do drama. I do not welcome aggressive or negative people in my life. They are welcome to be whoever they wish to be – but at a nice, healthy distance from me!

My partner is an absolute delight. He is gentle and warmhearted, kind, smart, unique, funny and adorable!

We have a lot in common and he is also my dance partner. He loves my dog and cat and that to me, is also the measure of a good man.

cat on a wall climber

My dance friends are wonderful. Their energy and enthusiasm buoy me up whenever I am in their company. You cannot feel sad when you are on the dance floor! My dance teachers are also wonderful people – they are warm and welcoming.

They are supporting a lovely couple who joined relatively recently, picked up the moves quickly and recently won a couple of National titles. This couple are aiming for the world titles and our dance teachers are running a fundraising dance for them with full support from everyone in our community so we can send them across the country to compete! We all love Brooke & Pete – they are the loveliest couple you could ever wish to meet and we will all be wishing them the very best at the World Championship!

My gym buddies and trainers are likewise awesome people. They continually give me courage and strength to keep going and to aim for my strength and fitness goals. It is very much a community of likeminded people and we are welcoming of all newcomers and supportive of everyone, regardless of where they are at in their fitness & strength journey.

I retired early this year and it is the best decision and I wish I had done it earlier. I am loving living my life at my own, gentler pace. I am quite busy, but I have time and can make time to look after my wellbeing and take the occasional nap whenever I feel like it!

Apart from dancing, running & the gym. I am volunteering with my dog (George the Therapy Dog) doing one-off visits. I also volunteer with a cat rescue organisation and drive kittens and abandoned cats to carers and foster homes. I have also been volunteering with a refugee organisation. Basically, I am almost more busy than I was when working. However, it’s a type of busy that I enjoy and I have fun doing.

George the Therapy Dog

I occasionally work at my friend’s gym – on an ad-hoc basis. Usually, when she has other commitments and I can step in – again, only when it fits in with my life and my commitments.

All up, life is really good and I am happy and content. You really can’t ask for much more from life! 

imagecredit:tatyanagladskih 

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When you fall, I will pick you up…
Life

When you fall, I will pick you up…

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I was chatting with a friend of mine the other day, she has depression and some days she finds it really hard to get out of bed and start her day.

I feel her pain.

Some mornings are like that. You awaken feeling flat or down for no apparent reason.

You lie in bed and feel the weight of everything and nothing holding you down like a weighted blanket (but not the good kind).

My friend teaches part-time, usually in the mornings. That has become her lifeline. She gets up and gets going so as to not let down her students.

What is your lifeline? What gets you up in the morning? And what can you do if it all feels too hard?

Many people still don’t understand depression.

Another friend was puzzled by his friend who had severe depression, he said – “he had a lovely wife and home and job, there was no reason for him to be depressed.”

But that’s not how depression works.

You can look as though you have everything going right in your life, but still feel everything is wrong.

Depression is like a shadow that dims the brightest of days and cloaks the most vibrant of lives in a shroud of darkness. It’s a complex and multifaceted mental health condition that can affect anyone, regardless of their external circumstances or perceived successes.

Depression doesn’t discriminate based on wealth, status, or achievements – it can silently infiltrate the minds and hearts of individuals from all walks of life.

At first glance, it may seem paradoxical – how can someone who appears to have it all be consumed by such overwhelming sadness and despair? Yet, the reality is that depression often lurks beneath the surface, hidden behind carefully curated facades and painted smiles.

It’s not always visible to the outside world, and those grappling with depression may go to great lengths to conceal their inner turmoil behind a mask of “I’m ok, thank you for asking.” When in actuality they, like my friend, are battling dark demons every single day!

On the surface, their lives may seem picture-perfect – successful careers, loving relationships, material wealth – yet, internally, they may be battling a constant sense of emptiness, hopelessness, and worthlessness.

Depression can distort one’s perception of reality, making it difficult to find joy in life’s pleasures or see a way out of the darkness.

It’s important to understand that depression is not a reflection of personal weakness or failure. It’s a complex interplay of genetic, biological, environmental, and psychological factors that can disrupt brain chemistry and mood regulation.

Despite outward appearances, those struggling with depression may be fighting an uphill battle against their own minds every single day. And that is absolutely exhausting! Can you imagine battling your own mind and thoughts all the time? The weariness that brings? Some days it works, other days – not so much.

The stigma surrounding mental illness often exacerbates the suffering of those with depression. They may fear judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding from others, leading them to suffer in silence and isolate themselves further.

The misconception that “having it all” should equate to happiness only adds to the burden of guilt and shame that many individuals with depression carry. We all need to be less judgmental as we do not know what is going on in the minds of those around us.

It’s crucial to recognize that depression is a real and debilitating illness that requires compassion, understanding, and support. It’s not enough to judge someone’s well-being based solely on external markers of success or happiness.

Instead, we must strive to create a culture of empathy and acceptance, where individuals feel safe to seek help without fear of stigma or shame.

Ultimately, depression teaches us that appearances can be deceiving and that true understanding lies beneath the surface. It reminds us to look beyond the outward façade and extend kindness and empathy to those who may be silently struggling.

Because no matter how well someone’s life may appear on the surface, they may still be in the grip of depression, yearning for a glimmer of hope to guide them through the darkness.

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Vibing with the right person…
Relationships

Vibing with the right person…

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What is astonishingly good is when you connect with someone and you can have an actual conversation with them.

A real, genuine – goes two ways conversation!

I know, right?!?

Not just listening to some bore droning on about the minutiae of their life.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m all happy to have someone share their day-to-day with me. I can listen, be empathetic and engaged.

I’m talking about that person that literally drones on & on, barely pausing for breath and showing scant interest in you or what is going on in your life.

The one-way monologue.

The bore-fest of “me, me, me” and all their woes, constant negativity. and victimhood. Never owning their own actions, blaming absolutely everybody else in their life for everything that has gone wrong for them.

Not for one minute showing any insight into their own self-inflicted drama.

The one who gossips about absolutely everyone else and telling your everybody’s secrets and private information that you really do not want to know about.

For damn sure, they are now gossiping about you! Trust me, he who gossips and bitches about others, will be spreading your private life to anyone who will take the time to listen!

After a number of dud relationships, I am so happy I have a connection with a genuine human with whom I can have engaging and thoughtful conversations. We have shared values and can talk politics and the state of the world and know our world view is aligned.

He is mindful and smart, well read and always keen to learn more. He is open to looking at things from other perspectives. He never gossips and does not bitch about other people. Such a breath of fresh air!

It is delightful to spend time with him exploring our thoughts and ideas and sharing things we have read about and valuing each other’s perspective on life.

You have no idea how lovely it is to have this kind of relationship, for me it is rare. It’s like a caring, genuine friendship and love connection all wrapped up together and it truly warms my heart.

The last time I had anything similar to this was my first husband who sadly died 27 years ago.

I have peace of mind, I am happy as a lark and life is fine and dandy🥰

imagecredit:viveradesign

 

 

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Embracing Reflection and Kindness as We Step Into a New Year
Life

Embracing Reflection and Kindness as We Step Into a New Year

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As we stand on the threshold of a new year, it’s only natural to find ourselves in a reflective state, contemplating the journey we’ve traveled in the past twelve months. The highs and lows, the moments of triumph and the challenges overcome – each episode contributing to the rich tapestry of our lives.

This is a time for introspection, a time to look back at the person we were and consider how every experience has shaped us, molding us into a better version of ourselves.

Reflecting on the past year, I find myself acknowledging the highs with gratitude and approaching the lows with a newfound resilience.

Life, after all, is a series of lessons, and each triumph or stumble is an opportunity for growth. It’s through these experiences that we discover our strengths, understand our weaknesses, and emerge wiser and more compassionate.

As I bid farewell to the old and welcome the new, I am reminded of the incredible blessings that surround me. I am loved, not just by those close to me but by life itself, which presents opportunities for growth and connection in the most unexpected ways.

My beautiful family and friends, the anchors of my life, have been my unwavering support, sharing in the laughter and wiping away tears when needed.

Waking up each day with gratitude in my heart has become a ritual, a conscious choice to appreciate the simple joys that often go unnoticed. It’s about finding beauty in the mundane and recognizing that life’s true treasures lie in the relationships we nurture and the moments we share.

As I step into the new year, I carry with me the essence of loving kindness. It’s a mindset that extends beyond personal reflection, encouraging us to approach the world with empathy and compassion.

In a world where chaos can often overshadow goodness, choosing kindness becomes a revolutionary act. It’s a reminder that, despite our differences, we are all connected by our shared humanity.

In the coming year, let us strive to be a source of light and positivity for ourselves and others. Kindness is a currency that knows no bounds – it costs nothing, yet its impact is immeasurable.

A simple gesture, a kind word, or a thoughtful act has the power to brighten someone’s day and create a ripple effect of positivity.

So, here’s to the new year – a blank canvas awaiting the strokes of our experiences, lessons, and moments of kindness. May we embrace the opportunity to let go of the past, to forgive ourselves and others, and to look forward with a heart full of loving kindness.

Wishing each and every one of you a wonderful and happy 2024. May it be a year filled with growth, joy, and an abundance of kindness.

imagecredit:Hope_KlisaLange

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Who am I? A year of learning about myself, more than I ever thought I could be!
musings about ageing

Who am I? A year of learning about myself, more than I ever thought I could be!

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I caught up with a good friend of mine for lunch today. We always talk about random things and deep dive on any issues we might have and untangle thoughts and feelings to get at the core of things.

It’s wonderful to have friends like that and she is an absolute gem!

We talked about my health which has been a bit of a dumpster fire this year. My friend talked about my identity as a healthy and fit woman. She is correct, my identity is very much wrapped around health & fitness and being a role model for women in their 60s.

Heck, one of the reasons I started this blog was to talk about health & fitness and how to stay well as one ages!

My family of origin has and is riddled with heart disease, metabolic illness, and COPD.

My whole life and part of my motivation to stay healthy and fit was to keep, primarily, heart disease at bay and I can say I have been overwhelmingly successful in this endeavour.

So, you can imagine my utter shock when cancer decided to knock on the door earlier this year. Specifically, breast cancer. No-one in my family has had breast cancer and it took some time to wrap my head around it all and what that meant for my health, fitness, and self-identity.

This year has had enough plot twists to write a book about. On top of the breast cancer, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgin Lymphoma, Lymphocytic Colitis and then Sudden Sensorineuro Hearing loss in my left ear – meaning I will need surgery to be fitted with a Cochlear Implant.

In amongst all of these hectic challenges, I have kept my spirits up, dealing with one thing at a time. I have kept up my exercise regimen when I could.

There were some weeks when recovering from a procedure or two, that I have had to take a break to rest and recuperate. I have had to take the time to allow my body and spirit time to rest and recover and to get better.

If I couldn’t go for a run, I’d go for a brisk walk. If I couldn’t go to the gym to do weights training, I’d pick up an extra yoga or Pilates class. Going for a swim is always a nice option, gentle, weight bearing and slow. Dancing is a constant too.

If it was all too much, then resting, reading, walking my dog, and spending gentle time with family and my friends were the order of the day!

I also had some emotional turmoil to deal with this year. A person whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to relentlessly bully me via my blog and to get his minion to do likewise.

Generally, I am very much of the opinion that bullies are just cowards that if you ignore them, they eventually go away. But this one was unrelentingly persistent.

In the end I got rid of them, but it took some work to do so and if they ever rear their heads again, I will go straight to the Magistrate and get an AVO. I have all the written evidence and witnesses of in-person bullying and harassment. Plus, nasty sh*t sent to friends of mine, that has also been kept as evidence.

All up the year has presented some unique issues for me to deal with and overcome.

But you know what? I am resilient, I am strong, I fully believe my fitness has enabled me to deal with the health issues effectively. Exercise and eating well also helps with emotional upheaval.

The other thing I have in my favour is a supportive family and the best friends and community. They literally wrap themselves around me like a warm hug!

I am blessed and honoured and humbled by the love and support I have received this year.

imagecredit:negativespace,quotebyauthor

 

 

 

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Embracing Serendipity: Love, Friendship, and the Dance of Destiny
Relationships

Embracing Serendipity: Love, Friendship, and the Dance of Destiny

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Life is a dance of unpredictable twists and turns, often leading us to moments of joy and connection we never could have anticipated. From the serendipity of finding love when we least expect it to the value of steadfast friendships and the warmth of a caring community, the tapestry of our lives is woven with threads of destiny that ultimately guide us to where we belong. In this reflection, I share my journey of discovering the beauty of life through loving relationships, cherished friendships, and the vibrant world of dance.

Love Finds Its Way: A Tale of Unexpected Joy

They say that what’s meant to be will always find its way to you, and I couldn’t agree more. Love, that most elusive and enchanting of emotions, has a way of sneaking into our lives when we least expect it. It’s like stumbling upon a hidden treasure while wandering through life’s uncharted territories. The joy of a loving relationship is unparalleled – the way it blossoms and flourishes despite the odds, creating a bond that enriches our days and warms our hearts. The magic of finding the right person at the right time is a testament to the beauty of serendipity.

Dance: A Language of Connection and Friendship

As I traverse the path of life, I’ve been blessed to find companionship not only in romantic relationships but also in the form of loving friendships. These connections, forged through shared experiences and heartfelt conversations, have become the pillars of my existence. Among these, the dance community stands out as a testament to the power of common passions to bring souls together.

Within the embrace of the dance floor, I’ve discovered a world that transcends words – a realm where movement becomes a language, and connection is forged through rhythm and grace. The dance community has gifted me with not only the joy of self-expression but also the gift of lifelong friends who share in the thrill of each step and twirl. These friendships are a testament to the joy of finding kindred spirits in unexpected places.

Guided by Passionate Teachers and a Loving Community

In this dance of life, my journey has been enriched by the presence of incredible dance teachers who have guided me with their expertise, humour, and unwavering support. Their dedication to nurturing and uplifting the dance community goes beyond mere instruction; it’s a reflection of the profound impact a caring mentor can have on one’s journey. My dance teachers have not only taught me the art of movement but have also instilled values of camaraderie, discipline, and the importance of giving back to the community.

Blessed by Loving Kindness

Reflecting on the tapestry of my life, I am reminded of the countless moments of serendipity that have shaped my path. From chance encounters to profound connections, each experience has added a unique hue to the canvas of my existence. I am grateful for the friendships that have stood the test of time, and the dance community that continues to inspire and uplift me.

In a world that often seems chaotic and unpredictable, I find solace in the knowledge that what’s meant to be will always find its way. Embracing this truth has allowed me to cherish the moments of good fortune, navigate the twists and turns with grace, and revel in the loving kindness that surrounds me. As I continue to dance through life, I am guided by the belief that destiny has a way of leading us to where we truly belong – wrapped in the arms of love, friendship, and the beauty of shared experiences.

 

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Crossroads
health and fitness

Crossroads

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When you reach a crossroad in your life, what do you do to move forward and nurture yourself?

For me that is self-care, writing this blog, going to the gym, running outdoors and staying connected with family and friends. Oh and dancing, always dancing!

Taking the time to pause, reflect and think about the best way forward. Again, for me, that means eating well (aka healthily), re-committing to my exercise regimen and going out and having fun.

I am fortunate that I have good friends, I can draw them around me like a cloak of warmth and love.

My daughter is my best friend and closest ally. We have always had a close and loving relationship. We are each other’s cheer squad. We also understand each other’s low times.

My sister is always there, every single day. Even though she lives over 3,000km away. We message and chat every day. She checks in with me and I with her.

I value good health and fitness, they are my life and they allow me to live my life in the best way possible.

The thing that I do not value is toxic people, unfortunately they can enter one’s life when you let your guard down. Often in the guise of superficial charm. However, if you allow toxicity in, you will find in time that the cracks show and the poison seeps out, sometimes so slowly that you don’t realize that you have been covered in a miasma of unhealthy behaviours. You will catch glimpses, but you may rationalize them away, easier than admitting you have made a mistake.

It is often only when you step out of that connection that you can fully reflect upon all the damaging patterns that recurred like an endless groundhog day.

But when you do step away, pick up your strength and remember who you are. Firmly put one foot in front of the other and move in a healthier and happier direction. Forwards, always forwards. Don’t look back. There is nothing to see in the rear view mirror.

Life can be beautiful and it can be cruel. I choose to focus on the beautiful. Nature, friendship, family, my dog, love and kindness, respect and warmth. Trust me, it is there!

a little pic of Georgie-boy running in the park…

 

 

 

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