emotional wellbeing – 60plus and loving life

life is good, loving life & all that it brings!

By 60plus&lovinglife May 2, 2024 0

Here we are almost half way through the year! Woooo, time surely does fly!

For me, this has been a great year and I am sure it will continue to be fabulous.

Last year was a bit of a dumpster fire healthwise and slowed me down a tad. But not entirely, I still kept up my dancing and gym and running in amongst it all. I think all of those things kept me going both physically and for my emotional wellbeing.

I also surround myself with the best people. My friends and family (most notably my daughter) and my partner are the most supportive and beautiful humans you could ever wish to have in your life.

I finally learned to keep my boundaries strong and to recognise early on any toxic, negative people and to either keep them at a distance or gently remove them from my life.

I don’t do drama. I do not welcome aggressive or negative people in my life. They are welcome to be whoever they wish to be – but at a nice, healthy distance from me!

My partner is an absolute delight. He is gentle and warmhearted, kind, smart, unique, funny and adorable!

We have a lot in common and he is also my dance partner. He loves my dog and cat and that to me, is also the measure of a good man.

My dance friends are wonderful. Their energy and enthusiasm buoy me up whenever I am in their company. You cannot feel sad when you are on the dance floor! My dance teachers are also wonderful people – they are warm and welcoming.

They are supporting a lovely couple who joined relatively recently, picked up the moves quickly and recently won a couple of National titles. This couple are aiming for the world titles and our dance teachers are running a fundraising dance for them with full support from everyone in our community so we can send them across the country to compete! We all love Brooke & Pete – they are the loveliest couple you could ever wish to meet and we will all be wishing them the very best at the World Championship!

My gym buddies and trainers are likewise awesome people. They continually give me courage and strength to keep going and to aim for my strength and fitness goals. It is very much a community of likeminded people and we are welcoming of all newcomers and supportive of everyone, regardless of where they are at in their fitness & strength journey.

I retired early this year and it is the best decision and I wish I had done it earlier. I am loving living my life at my own, gentler pace. I am quite busy, but I have time and can make time to look after my wellbeing and take the occasional nap whenever I feel like it!

Apart from dancing, running & the gym. I am volunteering with my dog (George the Therapy Dog) doing one-off visits. I also volunteer with a cat rescue organisation and drive kittens and abandoned cats to carers and foster homes. I have also been volunteering with a refugee organisation. Basically, I am almost more busy than I was when working. However, it’s a type of busy that I enjoy and I have fun doing.

I occasionally work at my friend’s gym – on an ad-hoc basis. Usually, when she has other commitments and I can step in – again, only when it fits in with my life and my commitments.

All up, life is really good and I am happy and content. You really can’t ask for much more from life!

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The Liberating Act of Closing the Door on Negativity: Embracing a Life of Positivity

By 60plus&lovinglife October 5, 2023 0

Life is a journey – some of it difficult, some easy. Our path twists & turns and occasionally doubles back on itself. The people that we choose to allow into our lives can have a profound impact on our life journey and our emotional wellbeing.

In my journey, I’ve come to appreciate the profound benefits that come from firmly closing the door on negative people, those who emit low vibrations and seldom seek the help they need.

Instead, I’ve made the conscious choice to surround myself with loving, kind, warm, giving, and positive individuals who uplift my spirit and nurture my well-being. The transformation has been nothing short of extraordinary, and I’m eager to share the profound impact of this decision on my life.

Negativity has a way of seeping into our lives like a slow, creeping fog. It can be subtle, at first, like a whisper in the back of our minds, but if left unchecked, it can envelop us in a shroud of doubt, anxiety, and unhappiness.

These are the low vibrational energies that often emanate from negative people—individuals who may be struggling with their own demons but rarely seek the help they need.

For far too long, I allowed these negative forces to infiltrate my life, draining my energy and clouding my perspective.

It was a heavy burden to bear, and I realized that I needed to make a change. I needed to close the door on negativity and create space for the positivity that I deserved.

The act of firmly shutting that door was both liberating and empowering. It was a declaration that I valued my own well-being, and I refused to let anyone, or anything jeopardize it.

It was a statement that I would no longer be a receptacle for the negative energy of others.

By doing so, I created room for a different kind of energy—the warm, loving, and positive vibrations of people who genuinely care for my well-being.

These individuals radiated kindness and positivity, and their presence brought with it a sense of peace and contentment that I had long yearned for.

Surrounding myself with loving and kind individuals has had a transformative effect on my life. Their positivity is infectious, and it has seeped into every corner of my existence. It has bolstered my confidence, enhanced my mental and emotional well-being, and reignited my zest for life.

In their company, I have rediscovered the joy of simple pleasures, the beauty in everyday moments, and the power of genuine human connection.

They have become my support system, my cheerleaders, and my confidants, offering unwavering encouragement in times of need and celebration during moments of triumph.

While I believe that negativity is often a cry for help, it’s a journey that individuals must embark on themselves.

We can extend a hand and offer assistance, but ultimately, they must choose to seek the help they need to break free from the shackles of negativity. Until then, we must prioritize our own well-being and protect our positive energy.

Life is a beautiful thing when you firmly close the door to negativity and no longer allow it to seep into your life.

It’s a conscious choice to surround yourself with love, kindness, warmth, and positivity—a choice that has the power to transform your existence from one of darkness and doubt to one of light and limitless potential.

As I bask in the warm embrace of positive energies, I am reminded that we have the agency to curate our own lives.

We can choose who we allow in, and by surrounding ourselves with loving, kind, and positive individuals, we create a life filled with joy, love, and the profound beauty of positivity.

Sending you all peace, love, and light.

AI image of a woman in a forest with the light shining through the trees — *AI image*

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Reflections on Life

By 60plus&lovinglife September 15, 2023February 29, 2024 0

I have had a lot of time this year to reflect on my life. Time spent in countless medical waiting rooms to see various specialists, waiting for scans, staying still in scanning machines and a few stays in hospital for operations and other procedures.

All up I am deeply grateful for my life. I have the most wonderful, loving people around me and I could not be more blessed. Yes, there have been challenges and sometimes I have ended up in tears when it all got a bit overwhelming. But equally I have laughed many times at the absurdity of things and very much realise that life is strange, fabulous, harsh, beautiful and the most precious gift that we have.

When I have felt overwhelmed I have thought to myself “ok, deal with this one thing and move forwards.” Mostly that works. Occasionally, it’s like “seriously universe?” Overall, I am reminded that I am fortunate to live in a country with excellent health care and that I can afford private health insurance (I prefer private rooms in hospital – that’s just me and I am deeply grateful for the privilege.)

Today I reflect on all the things that brought me to this point in life. It has been a wonderous journey, occasionally strange and some wrong turns. But I always get back on track, put one foot in front of the other and look towards the future whilst appreciating my here and now.

I have some beautiful friends around me who always offer their love and support. I have been saddened to see four long-term relationships end over the last couple of months for some of my dearest friends. Each of my friends are the kindest, sweetest and most loving of people. It is now my turn to offer my loving friendship and support to them to be a small part of their path forwards into their new lives.

They are all at various stages in the grief process and it is heartbreaking to see them go through this challenge.💔 There is shock and bafflement as to why things have to end. I have wrapped my arms around them (two in person and two virtually due to distance) and told them they are beautiful souls who deserve to be loved and cherished. They really, really do deserve the very best.

Yesterday was RUOK Day and I am reminded that we do need to care for each other and reach out, not just today, but everyday and ask “how are you?” Do it from a place of authenticity. Ask with a genuine belief that you want to hear the answer. A lot of people are not ok at all. Many do not want to share their grief, pain or depression. But if you give them the space and be prepared to listen, hear and offer empathy, then you may help someone open up.

You don’t have to fix things for them. Often listening is enough or a start at least. I have had times where I have been stoic and just pushed through things. Other days I have walked into work feeling mostly fine, then someone says “hey, how are you?” and I end up in tears. I am deeply fortunate that I work in a very supportive environment with really wonderful people and an understanding and empathetic boss.

I am the Safety & Wellbeing officer in my workplace. For RUOK Day I took my dog into work (he’s a registered therapy dog) for customers and team to pet and cuddle. One girl said she was feeling really down that day and seeing George immediately lifted her spirits and changed the tone of her day.

My message to you all is to be gentle with yourself. Life has many twists and turns. We can have our hearts broken, we can suffer sudden or chronic illness, we can lose people. But if we genuinely and carefully nurture ourselves, then we have the capacity and bandwidth to help each other through the good times and the bad.

As I take one step after another into my future I am fortunate to have my daughter, family & friends by my side offering love and support, laughter and joy. Equally, I am there for them for anything they may face – good or bad – now and in the times ahead. Gratitude is my daily mantra:

I put my energy into things that matter to me. I am grateful for my life’s challenges for helping me grow and become who I am. I am grateful for my dreams and I know I have the power to manifest them. I love myself, respect myself, and accept myself exactly as I am.

mainimage credit:brandreka

gratitudejar-credit:teachcheat

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Healing

By 60plus&lovinglife August 24, 2023 0

As I reflect on what it takes to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, I am mindful to let you know that this is my personal journey, based on my lived experiences. Your experiences will differ, however there will be points of commonality and synchronicity and some of what I write about may resonate with you.

Healing from anything takes time, healing from trauma takes time. Some days you will feel fine and the world will be a glorious place. Other days you reflect on what you went through and feel sad. Healing is not borne from and does not dwell in anger or bitterness, rather it comes from a place of love and light and a genuine desire to heal the wounds within.

Although I do have every right to be angry and to express anger – no-one should be telling you that you can’t be angry at being mistreated. It is healthy to acknowledge anger and to deal with it in appropriate ways. Being with a narcissist, especially for several years, is a rollercoaster of trauma and takes some processing from which to recover and move on.

The constant walking on eggshells, the constant keeping the peace so they don’t go into a tantrum and scream at you. The constant emotional torture, warm and kind for a brief while, then cold, distant and remote and ignoring you, even when you are seated or laying right next to them is cruelty. You never know which one they will be on any given day.

The constant emotional manipulation, the (not so subtle) put-downs. Trying to navigate that terrain is both exhausting and emotionally debilitating. You come out the other side relieved and feeling like you escaped and you feel grateful every single day that that person is no longer in your life bringing you pain and grief.

They always play the victim, they will tell you every ex was a “psycho” – until you realise that they were the ones who destroyed their past partners. Narcissists are incapable of having a warm, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship. There is something seriously lacking in their psyche. They are emotionally cold, they feel that they are superior to everyone around them and that they are always right.

If you unmask them, they will unleash a fury that is astonishing to behold. They will lash out in a frenzy and you need to make sure you dance away out of their reach!

Coming to terms with all of this is a convoluted journey. It’s not a linear path, there are twists and turns and some dead ends. You just keep moving forwards and looking after yourself, nurturing yourself, surrounding yourself with love and light and most of all be kind to yourself. You have been hurt deeply and you need to heal that hurt and gently put yourself back together again.

I do not dwell in anger and I certainly harbour no bitterness. You see, if you mire yourself in anger and bitterness, they have won. They have emotionally destroyed you. Do not let them. Feel your anger, deal with it the best way you know how and move on.

Talk with family and friends if they are supportive and understanding, if not seek professional help if you can afford it. If all else fails read everything you can get your hands on about how to recover from emotional abuse. Some of it will be helpful, some not so much. But for sure, it will give you a path to healing and recovery, it’s up to you to take that path as complex as it may be and feel.

I absolutely have the right to acknowledge and explore my feelings and to share them with you – perhaps I have touched on something in your life that causes you grief or pain. Perhaps I have given you pause to reflect upon your relationship, do you recognise yourself in my words?

Do you know a loved one or friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship? Can you reach out to them? If they come to you, just listen – don’t try to solve it for them, just listen and be there. Often that is all that is needed, for now.

Writing is cathartic. It is an avenue for exploration and understanding. It allows me to reflect, to work through the knots of trauma, to gently untangle those knots and allow them to drift away in the breeze.

My healing journey belongs to me and no-one can take that away from me. How I choose to heal is the right way for me, how you choose to heal is the right way for you❤️

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flying monkeys & other bullies…

By 60plus&lovinglife August 13, 2023 0

Hello my loyal readers🥰

I hope you’re having a wonderful week. Isn’t it glorious when you are surrounded by peaceful, calm and loving people? Life is beautiful ❤️I am so blessed and feeling full of love and gratitude. My life is going well, my health is improving, my relationship is loving and I am so lucky we found each other!

Unfortunately, some folk just can’t let go and keep on being bullies! It is a sad reflection on them and I would like to send them healing vibes. Blessings be upon them and may they find it within their hearts to be kinder and more decent humans.

An earlier blog post was in response to hateful comments I have received, which of course led to another nasty response. Big surprise there (not)😂

They do not give their name and always use a fake email address – but they do name people, so I make sure I do not publish their comments for privacy & confidentiality reasons.

The anonymity and fake email addresses are cowardly. Put your name to your comments and stop hiding behind your keyboard! Stop lurking behind the shadows and come out into the light little flying monkey – I know who you are!🐒

In addition, there is one of my exes who always uses his real name and email address and his comments are wild! Again, I won’t publish them as they are hateful & full of unhinged vitriol – but I have kept them and shown them to the people I love and who care about me.

I shall address the latest flying monkey comment here:

My blog is written from my lived experience. It does not relate to any one person, it flows from experiences I have had throughout my life.

Your attributing them to one person is baffling. You are commenting on matters to which you were not privy and therefore you do not know what you are talking about.

You then made an obscure reference about a conversation I was having with a friend in the ladies bathroom one time which I wrote about in another blog post (well done for being a loyal reader!). However, you forgot to mention that the conversation related to my cancer diagnosis.

The “unwanted” interaction in the bathroom was from a few months ago. It was from a lady who came out of one of the stalls and decided it was ok to tell me what I should do about having cancer – here’s the link to the blog post where I talk about the incident.

As well meaning as some people are, it really is not helpful getting advice from all and sundry when you are dealing with cancer. Trust me, I’ve had some weird and wacky suggestions!

I prefer to take my advice from my specialists and treatment team.

Anyway, before you put your fingers to your keyboard again to send me yet another (unwanted and unwarranted) piece of diatribe, get your facts straight. Better yet, shut up and go away!🐒

Peace and love y’all✌️

main image credit:ElvireStudio

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health and fitness

Healing Energy: Nurturing Well-Being on the Cancer Journey

By 60plus&lovinglife July 7, 2023 0

It’s been a little while since I gave you all a health update 😊

And I’m not entirely sure what to say. I have good days and days where I’m just really super tired and a bit emotional. But that’s normal for my new normal. Today started off good and now it’s not so great, that’s the way it goes.

I had to go back to my Haematologist a bit earlier than planned for my follow-up. I have been quite unwell over the last month and that ended up with a visit to the ER and a CT scan.

On that scan they picked up that the Lymphoma has gotten worse.

I’ve had more blood tests, yet another CT scan, and another PET scan.

I get the results and discuss treatment options/plans this coming Monday.

Then I will know the next stage of this rather strange and fascinating journey that I am on.

All in all, I am deeply grateful for the support of my beautiful and loving daughter and the care and love of my partner. I have not enough words to express the depth of love I feel for these special people without whom I would be lost.

Now onto the main topic – meditation & mindfulness and how these two practices are shaping my life:

Dealing with cancer is undoubtedly one of life’s most profound challenges. The physical and emotional toll it takes can be overwhelming, leading to a rollercoaster of good and challenging days. In the midst of this turbulent journey, however, lies the transformative potential of meditation and mindfulness. Personally I find that these practices offer solace, strength, and a renewed perspective, reminding me of the privilege of life and the importance of valuing my health and well-being.

Navigating the Ups and Downs

Living with cancer can be an unpredictable journey, with good days and challenging days intertwined. On the good days, when energy and optimism surge, it’s essential to embrace them fully. These moments allows me to savour life’s simple pleasures, appreciate the beauty around me, and strengthens my resolve to fight.

However, I’ve found it’s equally important to acknowledge and honour the challenging days when fatigue, pain, or emotional turmoil loom large. These moments can be disheartening, but they, too, hold valuable lessons and opportunities for growth.

The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness

I have found that both meditation and mindfulness are invaluable tools for navigating the peaks and valleys of my cancer journey. By training my mind to be present and aware, these practices have enabled me to find inner peace and resilience amidst uncertainty.

Here’s how they can make a significant difference:

Cultivating Inner Calm:

Through meditation, I have learned to focus my attention on the present moment, allowing worries and anxieties to fade into the background. By observing my thoughts without judgment, I have been able to reduce stress and foster a sense of calm, even in the face of adversity.

Enhancing Emotional Well-being:

Cancer can bring forth a range of emotions, from fear and sadness to anger and frustration. Mindfulness has helped me to improve my emotional intelligence, allowing me to acknowledge and process these feelings without being consumed by them. By cultivating self-compassion, I have found solace and acceptance within myself.

Building Resilience:

Meditation has really strengthened my ability to respond to adversity with resilience. It has absolutely helped me develop a deep inner wellspring of strength and equanimity, enabling me to bounce back from setbacks and face each day with renewed determination.

Connecting with the Present Moment:

Cancer can disrupt my sense of time, pulling me into thoughts of the past or worries about the future. Mindfulness always brings me back to the present moment, helping me appreciate the beauty and wonder of life that exists in the here and now. It allows me to experience moments of joy, love, and gratitude amidst the challenges that I currently face.

Embracing Life’s Privilege

The cancer journey inevitably confronts us with the fragility and preciousness of life. Each day becomes an opportunity to cherish the gift of existence and to honour my health and well-being. Meditation and mindfulness serve as gentle reminders to value the present moment and nourish my body, mind, and spirit.

By incorporating meditation and mindfulness into my life, I have cultivated a deeper connection with myself and the world around me. I have become more attuned to my body, listening to its needs and responding with care. I have learned to appreciate the small joys and find beauty in even the most difficult of circumstances. Ultimately, I have recognized that every breath is a privilege, and every day is an opportunity for growth and gratitude.

As cancer presents its myriad challenges, the power of meditation and mindfulness shines through as a beacon of hope and strength. These practices provide invaluable tools for navigating the unpredictable journey with grace and resilience.

By embracing the good and challenging days alike, I find I can foster a deeper appreciation for life’s preciousness.

Let us remember to value our health and well-being, cherishing each moment as a privilege and a gift.

image credit: RizelleAnneGalvez. Words my own.

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Be the lighthouse!

By 60plus&lovinglife March 29, 2023 0

I was out for an 8km walk today, the day after my surgery (more on that in my next post and yes my surgeon said I can walk for miles!).

Whilst out walking (and when I go for my runs) is when I do my best thinking. My mind is clear and open to thoughts and ideas and I was composing this post as I was walking by the foreshore.

I’ve often said to people that I cannot understand why people that have suffered hurt or trauma in their lives inflict it on other people in their lives. It really has baffled me.

I have had hurt and trauma inflicted upon me, including childhood abuse and a couple of seriously toxic relationships as an adult.

However, I make it my life’s effort never to knowingly hurt another human being and if I do so unintentionally I will always own it and give a heartfelt apology and make amends. I choose to be this way as I know what it is to feel emotional pain and I do not want anyone else to feel that pain at my expense.

Unfortunately, I have had a couple of emotionally unhealthy relationships. One was with the MOST narcissistic, toxic man I have ever had the misfortune to come across.

I am no victim. I do not enter relationships with the aim of changing or fixing the other person. However, I have built an enormous tolerance for emotional pain and that has not held me in good stead for looking after my emotional well-being when I have connected with an emotionally abusive man.

I recently came across a life-coach who said the following which really resonated with me:

“There is a saying that is very true, but multiple things can be true at once…hurt people do hurt people. That’s a fact. I’ve felt that, I’m sure you have. But you want to know what else is a fact? That genuine people hold space for others. Safe people that worked really hard to become so safe with themselves and others. They shelter those who do not feel safe. Lighthouses, people who are lighthouses, I’m sure you’ve found one before in your life, I know I have. I am absolutely a lighthouse and I love being one. Lighthouses shine light for others. I hope that this helps shift your perspective, because although hurt people do hurt people, you can become shelter for those who need it.”

@heather.powell.coaching

So there you have it. The puzzle for me is no longer a puzzle. Be a lighthouse. I know I am. I have also found my lighthouse. A man who genuinely cares about the safe space he has in my life and I in his. A man who wishes to cause no harm to me and is the shelter for me as I am for him.

Image credit: @Ravenwolf

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all about the dog

Even therapy dogs need a bath!

By 60plus&lovinglife March 25, 2023 0

George goes to the groomers for a bath and haircut every few weeks. In between times I take him to the local pet supply store who offer a free hydrobath for local dogs!

Having a bath is not entirely his favorite activity. He does always get a treat afterwards (don’t tell him it’s a dental hygiene treat 😉) But he’s pretty chill and relaxed about it.

His groomer, my friend Ang, tells me that when he’s having a bath there he is so relaxed he almost falls asleep!

My daughter came along with me this time, so she was able to snap some pics of bathtime for good boy!

He looks pretty chill here… don’t mind the li’l bandages on my arms, I’d just been to have my bloods taken that morning 😊

I give him a good scrub down with the shampoo, comb it through his fur and rinse… then he rewards me by shaking water and shampoo all over me 😂

Then it’s the baby wipes to clean his eyes and ears and a vigorous rub down with the towel.

Then we are done! Much to his relief!

I usually take him for a walk to the park to air-dry him further, less likely to have my place smell of wet dog! 😂 Not that I mind…

He’s a happy doggo and everyone loves him. He brings so much joy to people’s lives.

Love to you all and I hope you have a fabulous day 🥰

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the cheaters and the liars…

By 60plus&lovinglife March 23, 2023 0

As a woman who has been around the block a time or two, I thought I had seen it all. But the one thing that always surprises me is how many men cheat on their partners.

It’s no secret that infidelity is a major issue in many relationships. But why do so many men cheat, even when they seem to have it all?

First, let’s look at the reasons why men cheat. Often, it’s not just about sex. Many men cheat because they feel emotionally disconnected from their partners or they feel they are losing control over the relationship and seek control elsewhere. For others it’s their sense of entitlement – they can and will do whatever they please, regardless of the consequences or the pain they will cause.

Whatever the reason, cheating is never acceptable. It’s painful, damaging, and can lead to the breakdown of a relationship. If you suspect your partner is cheating, it’s important to address the issue head-on.

I also speak from experience; I have had at least two cheating partners (that I know of 😂). One of them literally gave me the heads up at the get go. Now if that’s not a 🚩 I don’t know what is!

Early on, he was happy to tell me about all his dating, relationship, and sexual conquests and proud of himself too – thought he was quite the lad! And, woo, were there some doozies in all of those stories.

One that stood out was that towards the end of a long-term relationship he cheated on his then partner. He was drinking alone in a bar and a woman he didn’t know asked him to buy her a drink. He did and then she asked if he lived alone (note, she didn’t ask if he was single, just if he lived alone). Which he did and confirmed that he lived alone. He didn’t bother to mention the long-term relationship he was in. He took bar woman home to his place for a romp in the hay.

Then he broke up with his long-term girlfriend. But get this, he never admitted he cheated and that’s why he was ending things. He lied and told his girlfriend it was her fault that they were done.

That literally sent chills down my spine. That poor woman, to this day, still thinks he blames her for the breakup or that it was something that she did wrong. She has no idea that he was a cheating scumbag who lied to her.

You might well ask that knowing that, why did I get involved with him? All I can say is that there is no accounting for stupid🤷

Unsurprisingly, in the end he cheated on me as well.

Now, let’s talk about how to prevent cheating in the first place. Here are a few tips to bear in mind:

Keep communication open: Make sure you’re talking to your partner regularly, and that they feel safe and comfortable talking to you too. Be honest and transparent, and don’t be afraid to express your feelings.
Strengthen your emotional connection: Make time for each other and do things that bring you closer together. Show your partner that they are valued and appreciated.
Be aware of warning signs: If your partner is suddenly distant or secretive, or sexual intimacy is gone or infrequent, it’s important to address the issue. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and look for clues that something may be wrong.
Seek help if necessary: If your relationship is struggling, don’t be afraid to seek professional help. A therapist can help you work through your issues and communicate better with each other.

Remember, cheating is never the answer. If you’re in a committed relationship, it’s important to stay true to your partner and work together to build a stronger, healthier relationship. By keeping communication open, valuing each other, and seeking help, if necessary, you can prevent cheating and build a strong, lasting connection.

And if all of that does not work, then pick up your courage and dignity and walk away. Your self-respect and emotional well-being are important. Don’t settle for the liars and the cheaters. Walk away, start anew, have faith and surround yourself with family and friends who genuinely love and care about you. You got this!

image credit: Dion Kalen facebook.com/artbykalen

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Mindful March and what the heck is closure?

By 60plus&lovinglife March 4, 2023March 21, 2023 2

An interesting thing came across my radar today.

It’s “Mindful March” from the Action for Happiness website (click the link for more detail). It’s a downloadable and printable calendar that has a mindfulness reminder for every day.

I’ve downloaded the calendar and put it up on my fridge as a daily reminder for myself, I’ve even added it to my Google calendar on my phone in case I need a reminder during the day when I’m at work or out and about!

Today (March 4) is “notice how you speak to yourself, and choose to use kind words.”

It is too easy to be self-critical and speak poorly of oneself or have negative thoughts. I regularly hear friends berate themselves for something they feel they have done wrong (regardless of if they have or have not), or feel that they have caused to be done wrong to them.

If someone has done you dirty, that is entirely on them. Not you. Be kind to yourself and recognize that you are worthy of kindness and respect.

It reminds me of a friend of mine who recently went through a relationship breakup. Every time I see her she is wondering what she did wrong, she berates herself for her perceived failings. She is stuck in a spiral of regularly texting this man that left her and receiving no reply. She constantly states that she wants “closure”, she wants to understand what went wrong. She is stuck in a negative downward spiral of self-doubt, recrimination and sadness.

My feedback to her is to stop texting. Just stop. That she should block or delete his number from her phone. I have said that you cannot ask for “closure” from the person that has caused you pain. She literally wails that she must have closure.

The thing is – closure from a relationship breakdown is a myth. The person who broke it off is never the one you should reach out to for closure. The minute that person walked away from your life is when closure happened. It’s done and over.

What my friend wants is to understand. However, there are things in this life that we will never understand. We can only process our feelings and understand what it means to ourselves and from there move onwards into a new life. It is not easy and sometimes you may feel you are stumbling rather than progressing forwards, but you have to keep moving and trust me, it will get better.

My friend says that she wants to be like me. Strong and certain and with a clear forward focus. It’s lovely of her to say, but it’s not always easy for me either. I tell her that she does have that inner strength, she is an amazing woman worthy of love and kindness and more recently I have seen her smile and she said that she feels something has shifted within her in a good way. There is that glimmer of light that it will be ok for her.

For me? I am my mother’s fierce daughter. I have been forged in the fires of life’s trials. I always emerge at the other end stronger, more compassionate and having learned something valuable about life that I can take forward with me.

Be kind. To yourself and to others. And if someone does you dirty, do not blame yourself. It really was not you, it was them!

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Tag Archives emotional wellbeing