Relationships

Karma and can there be redemption for narcissists?

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Have you ever felt that maybe you are someone’s karma? Hear me out. Oft times we have had toxic people in our lives and we and our loved ones say “karma” will sort them out. However, mostly you never know if it does or does not. I find that it probably does, but we will never really know. You just have to trust.

Actions and Consequences:

In the intricate dance of life, we often witness the delicate balance between actions and consequences. Narcissists, who thrive on manipulation and deceit, may find themselves facing a unique form of karma when the spotlight of truth is finally cast upon them.

Narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over others. Their actions create a tangled web of deception that can cast shadows over the lives of those they touch.

For a while, it might seem that they operate without consequences, but the truth has a way of making its presence felt, no matter how elaborate the disguise.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon them:

Imagine the moment when the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist’s carefully constructed façade. It’s a revelation that pierces through the layers of deceit, exposing the darkness that has been hidden in plain sight. This moment can be powerful and transformative, both for the narcissist and for those who have been affected by their actions.

My lived experience with a toxic narcissist:

Was possibly one of the most unpleasant and destructive situations I have had the misfortune to find myself within. They choose their targets well. People often think they only seek out the “weak”. However, this is not the case. Often they target someone who is intelligent as that presents more of a challenge for them.

At times I literally felt he was the devil and I would get chills at his callous words and behaviour. He made a point of appearing to be clean-cut and to all intents and purposes disguised as a decent human. He looked like he was ready to step into church services on any day of the week, but it was all just a façade to mask the evil within.

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But below that neat and tidy, yet false demeanor, lurked a cold and hateful heart. Often I would feel emotionally detached after being the target of his scathing words and actions. The destructive behaviour of a narcissist leaves you reeling, you literally don’t know which way is up by the time they are done tormenting you.

When you speak your truth and they recognize themselves in your words:

When faced with the unrelenting gaze of truth, a narcissist’s world can unravel. The façade they so carefully cultivated begins to crumble, revealing the emptiness beneath. This moment can be both humbling and enlightening.

For the first time, they confront the consequences of their actions and the pain they’ve inflicted on others. It’s a karma of their own making, a mirror reflecting back the reality they’ve tried so hard to deny.

a quote on Karma will catch up
imagecredit:sitaramsatu

As the spotlight of truth exposes the narcissist’s actions, it also offers an opportunity for growth and change. Some may resist, retreating further into denial. Others might experience a moment of clarity, recognizing the destructive path they’ve followed.

It’s a pivotal moment that can lead to a crossroads of transformation, where they can choose to confront their flaws and embark on a journey of self-improvement.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist, it’s not about reveling in their downfall, but about accountability and growth. The karma they face is a reflection of the energy they’ve put out into the world.

Whether they choose to remain in denial or take the path of redemption, the exposure of truth serves as a reminder that actions have consequences, and the choices we make shape the journey of our lives.

For those who have been hurt by a narcissist’s actions, the spotlight of truth can bring a sense of validation and closure. It’s a chance to reclaim their own narrative and heal from the wounds inflicted by deceit.

While karma doesn’t always manifest as instant retribution, the exposure of truth can be a step towards restoring balance and justice.

p.s. Dear Narcissist, thank you for giving me so much to write about, I am very grateful😁I’ll bet you never expected your legacy would be to help so many women deal with toxic relationships via my writing & my blog! Inadvertently you have done us all a service. Peace out man✌️

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Healing

By Posted on 0 4 m read
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As I reflect on what it takes to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, I am mindful to let you know that this is my personal journey, based on my lived experiences. Your experiences will differ, however there will be points of commonality and synchronicity and some of what I write about may resonate with you.

Healing from anything takes time, healing from trauma takes time. Some days you will feel fine and the world will be a glorious place. Other days you reflect on what you went through and feel sad. Healing is not borne from and does not dwell in anger or bitterness, rather it comes from a place of love and light and a genuine desire to heal the wounds within.

Although I do have every right to be angry and to express anger – no-one should be telling you that you can’t be angry at being mistreated. It is healthy to acknowledge anger and to deal with it in appropriate ways. Being with a narcissist, especially for several years, is a rollercoaster of trauma and takes some processing from which to recover and move on.

The constant walking on eggshells, the constant keeping the peace so they don’t go into a tantrum and scream at you. The constant emotional torture, warm and kind for a brief while, then cold, distant and remote and ignoring you, even when you are seated or laying right next to them is cruelty. You never know which one they will be on any given day.

The constant emotional manipulation, the (not so subtle) put-downs. Trying to navigate that terrain is both exhausting and emotionally debilitating. You come out the other side relieved and feeling like you escaped and you feel grateful every single day that that person is no longer in your life bringing you pain and grief.

They always play the victim, they will tell you every ex was a “psycho” – until you realise that they were the ones who destroyed their past partners. Narcissists are incapable of having a warm, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship. There is something seriously lacking in their psyche. They are emotionally cold, they feel that they are superior to everyone around them and that they are always right.

crazy ex comment

If you unmask them, they will unleash a fury that is astonishing to behold. They will lash out in a frenzy and you need to make sure you dance away out of their reach!

comment on unmasking a narcissist

Coming to terms with all of this is a convoluted journey. It’s not a linear path, there are twists and turns and some dead ends. You just keep moving forwards and looking after yourself, nurturing yourself, surrounding yourself with love and light and most of all be kind to yourself. You have been hurt deeply and you need to heal that hurt and gently put yourself back together again.

I do not dwell in anger and I certainly harbour no bitterness. You see, if you mire yourself in anger and bitterness, they have won. They have emotionally destroyed you. Do not let them. Feel your anger, deal with it the best way you know how and move on.

Talk with family and friends if they are supportive and understanding, if not seek professional help if you can afford it. If all else fails read everything you can get your hands on about how to recover from emotional abuse. Some of it will be helpful, some not so much. But for sure, it will give you a path to healing and recovery, it’s up to you to take that path as complex as it may be and feel.

I absolutely have the right to acknowledge and explore my feelings and to share them with you – perhaps I have touched on something in your life that causes you grief or pain. Perhaps I have given you pause to reflect upon your relationship, do you recognise yourself in my words?

Do you know a loved one or friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship? Can you reach out to them? If they come to you, just listen – don’t try to solve it for them, just listen and be there. Often that is all that is needed, for now.

Writing is cathartic. It is an avenue for exploration and understanding. It allows me to reflect, to work through the knots of trauma, to gently untangle those knots and allow them to drift away in the breeze.

My healing journey belongs to me and no-one can take that away from me. How I choose to heal is the right way for me, how you choose to heal is the right way for you❤️

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Unveiling the Veil of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Unmasking Manipulation and Gaslighting

By Posted on 0 4 m read
I'm not like the others, that was your first mistake

In the intricate realm of human psychology, few personalities are as perplexing and detrimental as those encompassing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Behind the façade of charisma and charm, narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over their unsuspecting partners. It’s a tangled web of emotions, deception, and power dynamics that can leave the partner questioning their own reality.

Gaslighting is the manipulation tactic through which a narcissist distorts reality, making their partner doubt their perceptions and memories.

This psychological warfare serves to exert control over the partner’s emotions and actions, allowing the narcissist to maintain dominance in the relationship.

The Veil of Victimhood: Unraveling the Narcissist’s Web

One of the most unsettling traits of narcissists is their uncanny ability to portray themselves as the victims, even in situations where they are the aggressors. This psychological flip-flop, combined with gaslighting tactics, creates a skewed reality that can leave partners feeling disoriented and doubting their own sanity.

As the partner tries to shine the light of truth upon the narcissist’s behavior, the narcissist becomes increasingly agitated, often resorting to aggressive defenses to protect their fragile self-image.

Numerous studies have delved into the deceptive tactics employed by narcissists within relationships. According to a study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” (Smith et al., 2019), narcissists are adept at portraying themselves as victims, even when they are the instigators of conflict.

This manipulation is rooted in their desire to preserve their inflated self-image while undermining their partner’s sense of reality.

The Fear of Exposure: Unmasking the Truth

Perhaps the deepest fear that drives a narcissist’s manipulative behavior is the possibility of anyone discovering the truth about their actions and the darkness that lurks within.

Their identity is intricately woven with an illusion of perfection, and any chink in this armor threatens to unravel their carefully constructed façade. It’s this fear that propels them to weave intricate webs of deceit, convincing themselves that their version of events is indeed the reality.

A research paper published in “Personality and Individual Differences” (Miller et al., 2018) delves into the underlying fear that drives a narcissist’s manipulation: the fear of being exposed.

Narcissists are acutely aware of the chasm between their self-proclaimed greatness and their true behavior.

The study suggests that this fear is a driving force behind their efforts to deceive and manipulate, as they desperately attempt to shield their constructed persona from crumbling under scrutiny.

Tales of Deceit: The Narcissist’s Relationship with Truth

Lies become a tool for narcissists, a means to an end to protect their self-image and manipulate others. Their relationship with the truth is often tenuous at best, as they bend and twist facts to fit their narrative.

Partners of narcissists are often left bewildered as they encounter a partner who can effortlessly fabricate stories, deny blatant actions, and twist events to suit their own agenda.

A comprehensive review in the “Journal of Abnormal Psychology” (Campbell & Foster, 2021) sheds light on the narcissist’s loose relationship with the truth.

The study reveals that narcissists often engage in lying and fabricating stories to maintain their self-image. This manipulation of reality further complicates their partners’ perception of truth, leading to a cycle of confusion and emotional turmoil

7 Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  1. Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance: A narcissist believes they are exceptional and demands excessive admiration.
  2. Lack of Empathy: They struggle to understand or relate to others’ feelings and needs.
  3. Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and may exploit others to achieve their desires.
  4. Constant Need for Attention: They crave constant attention and will go to great lengths to obtain it.
  5. Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissists use manipulation and gaslighting tactics to control and confuse their partners.
  6. Shifting the Blame: They often portray themselves as victims and deflect blame onto others.
  7. Jealousy and Envy: Narcissists harbor envy and resentment toward others’ successes and may belittle or undermine them.

Navigating Narcissistic Relationships: Guarding Your Heart

If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you untangle the web of manipulation and gaslighting. Remember that you deserve a healthy and nurturing relationship, free from emotional abuse.

Unmasking the true nature of a narcissist can be a daunting journey, but it’s essential to protect your own reality and regain control of your life. By recognizing the signs of narcissistic personality disorder and acknowledging the manipulative tactics they employ, you can break free from their emotional grip and embark on a path toward healing and self-discovery.

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health and fitness

Breaking Up with My Doctor: Trusting My Gut and Advocating for My Health

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They say that doctors are our partners in health, guiding us through the intricacies of our well-being. But what happens when that partnership falls short, leaving you feeling unheard and dismissed?

For years, I’ve grappled with ongoing gastrointestinal issues that have turned my life into a roller coaster of discomfort. Today, I’m sharing my journey of frustration, persistence, and ultimately, self-advocacy.

It’s a story of trusting my gut – both literally and figuratively – and finally finding the answers I needed after years of being dismissively brushed aside.

A Long Road of Gastrointestinal Struggles:

The road of gastrointestinal issues has been a long and winding one for me. Some days were manageable, but others felt like a battleground within my own body.

If you’ve experienced these struggles, you’ll understand the frustration, pain, and sense of helplessness that comes with them. Despite the challenges, I knew deep down that something was amiss, and it was time to take action.

Dismissals and Questionable Diagnoses:

My journey began over 10 years ago with conversations with my regular doctor who, time and again, dismissed my concerns. “It’s just a bug,” he’d say nonchalantly, as if my pain and discomfort were inconsequential.

Last year he diagnosed me with “Diverticulitis” without doing any testing at all, just assumption based on my age (female over 60). He was incorrect as tests I had this year cleared me of diverticulitis.

I even tried a different GP (General Practitioner/doctor) and I vividly remember her reaction when I mentioned my dinner of chickpea curry when she asked what I had eaten the night prior. She laughed, labeling my meal as the root cause of my issues. Even after assuring her that chickpeas weren’t a daily staple, but gut issues were an ongoing problem, she dismissed my concerns without a second thought.

These interactions left me feeling unheard and invalidated and questioning if anyone would take my plight seriously.

A Year of Health Struggles and Rediscovering My Voice:

As this year began, my health took a turn for the worse. Amidst battling other serious health issues, my gastrointestinal problems intensified. My doctor’s dismissive stance persisted, attributing everything to a “it’s just a bug going around.”

Then, a sobering realization struck him (on my third visit to him as I had been getting sicker and sicker) – he had forgotten about my ongoing cancer battle. It was this moment that led him to finally order a colonoscopy and in his own words “I don’t want to be sued.” Not that he was in the least concerned about my health, just that he didn’t want to be legally liable!

He then proceeded to tell me a horrendous story of a patient he knew (not sure if it was his patient). This poor man had cancer and an underlying inflammatory bowel disease which had not been picked up. After a series of chemotherapy treatments, the man’s bowel ruptured as the bowel wall had thinned due to the chemo. My doctor was concerned the same would happen to me!

Finally, A Long-Awaited Diagnosis:

The colonoscopy became a turning point in my journey. Biopsies were taken, and the results held the key to my years of agony. The diagnosis: Lymphocytic Colitis. Here is a link for further information if you are interested – Lymphocytic Colitis.

Finally, a name to the pain I’d been enduring, a validation that I wasn’t imagining my struggles. The revelation came with a mix of emotions – relief, frustration, and determination.

Lymphocytic Colitis is treatable, but it is not curable. It can flare up again. I am currently undergoing 6 weeks of steroid treatment to see if that calms it all down.

Trusting My Gut (literally) and Advocating for My Health:

Through this tumultuous journey, I learned the importance of trusting my gut, both in the literal and metaphorical sense. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s crucial to persist until you find the answers you deserve.

Our bodies have a way of communicating when something is wrong, and it’s up to us to advocate for the care we need. My experience taught me that self-advocacy is a vital component of our health journey, and seeking second opinions can lead us to the right path.

My journey of battling gastrointestinal issues, dismissals, and incorrect diagnoses has ultimately been a testament to the power of persistence and self-advocacy. The road to my Colitis diagnosis was fraught with frustration, but it also rekindled my determination to be my own health advocate.

As I break up with my dismissive doctor, I hope my story serves as a reminder to all that your health matters, your concerns are valid, and your voice deserves to be heard.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re not being taken seriously, remember: trust your gut, stand up for yourself, and keep pushing for the answers you deserve.

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flying monkeys & other bullies…

By Posted on 0 3 m read
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Hello my loyal readers🥰

I hope you’re having a wonderful week. Isn’t it glorious when you are surrounded by peaceful, calm and loving people? Life is beautiful ❤️I am so blessed and feeling full of love and gratitude. My life is going well, my health is improving, my relationship is loving and I am so lucky we found each other!

Unfortunately, some folk just can’t let go and keep on being bullies! It is a sad reflection on them and I would like to send them healing vibes. Blessings be upon them and may they find it within their hearts to be kinder and more decent humans.

An earlier blog post was in response to hateful comments I have received, which of course led to another nasty response. Big surprise there (not)😂

They do not give their name and always use a fake email address – but they do name people, so I make sure I do not publish their comments for privacy & confidentiality reasons.

The anonymity and fake email addresses are cowardly. Put your name to your comments and stop hiding behind your keyboard! Stop lurking behind the shadows and come out into the light little flying monkey – I know who you are!🐒

In addition, there is one of my exes who always uses his real name and email address and his comments are wild! Again, I won’t publish them as they are hateful & full of unhinged vitriol  – but I have kept them and shown them to the people I love and who care about me.

I shall address the latest flying monkey comment here:

My blog is written from my lived experience. It does not relate to any one person, it flows from experiences I have had throughout my life.

Your attributing them to one person is baffling. You are commenting on matters to which you were not privy and therefore you do not know what you are talking about.

You then made an obscure reference about a conversation I was having with a friend in the ladies bathroom one time which I wrote about in another blog post (well done for being a loyal reader!). However, you forgot to mention that the conversation related to my cancer diagnosis.

The “unwanted” interaction in the bathroom was from a few months ago. It was from a lady who came out of one of the stalls and decided it was ok to tell me what I should do about having cancer – here’s the link to the blog post where I talk about the incident.

As well meaning as some people are, it really is not helpful getting advice from all and sundry when you are dealing with cancer. Trust me, I’ve had some weird and wacky suggestions!

I prefer to take my advice from my specialists and treatment team.

Anyway, before you put your fingers to your keyboard again to send me yet another (unwanted and unwarranted) piece of diatribe, get your facts straight. Better yet, shut up and go away!🐒

Peace and love y’all✌️

 

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Embracing Serendipity: Love, Friendship, and the Dance of Destiny

By Posted on 0 3 m read
a beautiful image of a beach at sunset with the words of what is meant to be will always find you

Life is a dance of unpredictable twists and turns, often leading us to moments of joy and connection we never could have anticipated. From the serendipity of finding love when we least expect it to the value of steadfast friendships and the warmth of a caring community, the tapestry of our lives is woven with threads of destiny that ultimately guide us to where we belong. In this reflection, I share my journey of discovering the beauty of life through loving relationships, cherished friendships, and the vibrant world of dance.

Love Finds Its Way: A Tale of Unexpected Joy

They say that what’s meant to be will always find its way to you, and I couldn’t agree more. Love, that most elusive and enchanting of emotions, has a way of sneaking into our lives when we least expect it. It’s like stumbling upon a hidden treasure while wandering through life’s uncharted territories. The joy of a loving relationship is unparalleled – the way it blossoms and flourishes despite the odds, creating a bond that enriches our days and warms our hearts. The magic of finding the right person at the right time is a testament to the beauty of serendipity.

Dance: A Language of Connection and Friendship

As I traverse the path of life, I’ve been blessed to find companionship not only in romantic relationships but also in the form of loving friendships. These connections, forged through shared experiences and heartfelt conversations, have become the pillars of my existence. Among these, the dance community stands out as a testament to the power of common passions to bring souls together.

Within the embrace of the dance floor, I’ve discovered a world that transcends words – a realm where movement becomes a language, and connection is forged through rhythm and grace. The dance community has gifted me with not only the joy of self-expression but also the gift of lifelong friends who share in the thrill of each step and twirl. These friendships are a testament to the joy of finding kindred spirits in unexpected places.

Guided by Passionate Teachers and a Loving Community

In this dance of life, my journey has been enriched by the presence of incredible dance teachers who have guided me with their expertise, humour, and unwavering support. Their dedication to nurturing and uplifting the dance community goes beyond mere instruction; it’s a reflection of the profound impact a caring mentor can have on one’s journey. My dance teachers have not only taught me the art of movement but have also instilled values of camaraderie, discipline, and the importance of giving back to the community.

Blessed by Loving Kindness

Reflecting on the tapestry of my life, I am reminded of the countless moments of serendipity that have shaped my path. From chance encounters to profound connections, each experience has added a unique hue to the canvas of my existence. I am grateful for the friendships that have stood the test of time, and the dance community that continues to inspire and uplift me.

In a world that often seems chaotic and unpredictable, I find solace in the knowledge that what’s meant to be will always find its way. Embracing this truth has allowed me to cherish the moments of good fortune, navigate the twists and turns with grace, and revel in the loving kindness that surrounds me. As I continue to dance through life, I am guided by the belief that destiny has a way of leading us to where we truly belong – wrapped in the arms of love, friendship, and the beauty of shared experiences.

 

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I’m sweet, I’m fine, I’m having a really good time!

By Posted on 0 1 m read
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Quick note to any pesky-exes (& their flying monkeys) stalking my blog:

I’m good, thanks for asking😊

I write to encourage women and men to leave emotionally abusive relationships.

My reach is around 65,ooo (just checked my metrics).

The overall vibe is supportive and encouraging of all the topics I write about.

The nasty-ass and bullying comments from you and your minion are laughable.

Surely you have better things to do with your life than stalk my blog and leave dumb-ass comments!

Move on and get yourself gone!🤡

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Escaping the Emotional Zombie and Embracing Love!

By Posted on 0 3 m read
image of a woman in a field during a storm

Hey there, warriors of wit and wisdom!

Picture this: me, your quirky narrator, dancing out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist like a liberated flamingo on a tropical island. And guess what? I then found myself prancing into the warm embrace of a caring and loving man who might as well be a cuddly teddy bear – the difference could not be greater, literally polar opposites!

Oh, the exhilaration of it all! Buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a rollercoaster of emotions, liberating laughter, and maybe even a few sassy dance moves!

I feel so free and light-hearted, happy, and content.

Ah, yes, being with a narcissist is like a journey through the twilight zone. It’s like they sucked the life out of every conversation, leaving me feeling utterly confounded! But fret not, dear readers! I navigated the murky waters of gaslighting and emotional manipulation with the grace of a cat walking on a tightrope.

image of a cat and a squiggly line on a black background
imagecredit:elifatayteam

Embracing the Light:

Oh, the day I broke free! It was like stepping into the dazzling sunshine after what felt like a lifetime of gloomy skies. The sheer joy of not having to deal with constant drama and walking on eggshells? Absolutely priceless! I did a victory dance that could rival any dance-off on TV.

Trust the GPS of Your Gut:

When you exit an emotionally abusive relationship, you might wonder if you’ll ever find someone who treats you like the treasure you are. Fear not, fellow adventurers! The GPS of your gut knows the way. Trust that inner voice, even if it sounds like your quirky aunt with a crystal ball. Moving on is the right thing to do, and your heart knows it.

Stay Strong, Stay Sassy:

In this world of uncertainty and emotional minefields, it’s essential to stay strong and sassy like a wise-cracking superhero. You are worthy of love, respect, and a partner who sees you for the amazing human you are. So, put on your metaphorical superhero cape and take charge of your destiny.

Humour: The Master Potion:

My friends, humour is the magic potion that helps us survive the ridiculousness of life. Laugh at the absurdity of your past experiences with your toxic ex, like an inside joke only you and the universe share. A witty quip is like a shield against negativity, so unleash your arsenal of humour and watch the toxic vibes bounce off like rubber balls.

I want you to know that there is a world of love, joy, and genuine care waiting for you too. Escape the clutches of the emotional zombie, embrace the love you deserve, and dance like nobody’s watching.

Stay strong, be brave, and trust that moving on is the ultimate key to unlock the door to your happily-ever-after.

Now, go forth, my sassy squad of readers, and create your own stories of liberation and love. You’ve got the spirit of a warrior and the humour of a stand-up comedian. So, celebrate your journey with a wink and a smile, for you are now the master of your destiny!😉

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