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Never give up!
Relationships

Never give up!

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…and don’t settle!

Don’t settle for mediocrity. I know, I speak from experience! I have settled for the mediocre and it does not work. Value your self-worth and expect reciprocity.

Do not allow anyone to disrespect you! Ever!

The mediocre will just pull you down to their low vibrational energy.

I am a published author and I enjoy writing. Feedback on my work is always positive and motivating and for that I am grateful.

I came across a person in my life who absolutely hated that I write and was always ready to criticize and put me down. I actually shut down my first blog because of the incessant criticism and negativity.

Then my daughter bought me a writing journal and a couple of writing related books for my last birthday, with a comment that I should re-start a new blog and go back to what I love.

I can’t thank her enough and the other wonderful people in my life, women & men who have encouraged me to not only re-find my voice, but to speak my truth and to recall my intrinsic value as a human being.

My blog is steadily gaining followers and a big shout out to each and every one of you! I love you all 😍 I’ve also created a FaceBook page for my blog and that is also gaining followers. I’ve made use of targeted advertising on FaceBook to increase my reach. I know not everyone likes to see ads popping up in their feed, but I’m trying to broaden my reach and I’ve found it to be successful with very few detractors and those I’m happy to ignore. If you don’t like it, scroll on by!

So don’t give up. If you have a dream, chase it. Channel your inner strength, believe in yourself, ignore the naysayers and reach for the sky!

…and that low-vibration person who constantly criticized me? Yeah, who? 😂

strong woman self worth

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Jump back into the dating pond!
Relationships

Jump back into the dating pond!

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Dating apps

I thought I’d dip my toe in the dating world and see what or who is out there!

I met my last person at dancing. So jumping on an app is a little different, but could be fun. We’ll see.

I have some serious non-negotiables.

Must love dogs – one previous partner  pretended at first to like my dog, but quickly showed that he did not. Yeah, I know, a man who hates animals (and yes he did – all animals) should literally be yeeted out the door!

Non-smoker (again a previous partner lied and only admitted he smoked after I had already caught feelings for him, he promised he would never smoke around me – mmhmm…. that didn’t last long either!) I certainly won’t miss his smoke polluting my backyard! Again, should have yeeted long ago! What was I thinking?🤷

Someone closer to my age. I once dated a guy nearly 10 years older than me. He was far too old for me, it felt like he was almost from a whole different generation. And I know I’m generalizing here and not all older guys are like this (probably?) but the older/old ones tend to be a bit controlling. Life has to be on their terms and there is very little scope for a genuine and equal partnership.

So, I’ve downloaded one app to start with and I’ve been busily swiping and being swiped and I’ve opened up a couple of conversations. Don’t feel you only have to talk with one person at a time. Some conversations peter out after a few back and forths, others can go on and you either feel there may be a connection or find out there isn’t. It’s all ok, you are just figuring out who and what you want. Take it easy, take it slowly. There are some good ones there, but you do have to be on your guard and filter out the players, users and abusers!

Red flags to watch our for:

🚩Someone looking “for fun” – cool, if that’s for you too. But for sure the “for fun” lads are players.

🚩Someone who wants a woman who does not take herself “too seriously”. Generally, that means they will not respect you. Likely they are unreliable and not looking for a genuine commitment. There are better ways to express the concept of someone who has the capacity to laugh at themselves and appreciate another’s perspective.

🚩Someone who talks about their ex in a disrespectful manner. For example, “my ex is a psycho”. Major red flag . This indicates that they are not over them if they are still carrying anger about someone they broke up with a long time ago. Also, carrying that level of anger is damaging to themselves and ultimately will be damaging to you. They have no agency over their emotional baggage and you will end up trying to turn yourself upside down and inside out to ensure they do not compare you to their ex. But they will, the “ex as psycho” brigade generally don’t actually like women. Truly.

🚩Someone who “love bombs” you in the first message or so. For example, I matched with a cute guy who lived not too far away according to his profile. His first message, he straight up said he visits my town regularly (huh? so you don’t live near me? Then stop lying in your bio dude!). He thought I could be the “one”. Seriously? One message and I’m the one? mmhmm…. no, we haven’t even had a conversation, let alone met each other. He gave me his phone number and said he could not wait to meet me and start a relationship. Yeah, nah. Unmatch!

🚩Someone who says literally nothing in their bio. If they cannot be bothered writing about who they are and what they enjoy, then they won’t be putting much time or attention into getting to know you.

Relationship green flags

They have the capacity to express their emotions calmly and validate your emotions
They respect your boundaries

They don’t get angry over trivial matters

They have agency over their own emotions

They can manage their anger and not lose their shit when you disagree with them

They are not scared to apologize; and

They make you feel safe and valued

So there you have it. I’m in there looking for someone special. Life is too short (especially at my age!) to not try again and be optimistic. Take a chance, download that app, have a swipe or two and start chatting. You never know who you might meet!

Image courtesy of: Kaboompics.com

 

 

 

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It’s all about respect
Relationships

It’s all about respect

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Storytime

I’ve been reflecting on how one of my relationships ended. It ended abruptly and brutally. Writing about it is both painful and cathartic.

To be honest I think the relationship was lurching towards a finish anyway. I had thoughts off and on about ending it. Communication was not really healthy and I would regularly let things slide to keep the peace. There comes a time when you can’t just brush things aside and if you are feeling unhappy or disrespected and have no opportunity to work through it, then it feels like the only option is to move on.

My partner’s favourite expression was “the grass isn’t always greener”, whenever he referred to his feelings about me/our relationship or when he was annoyed with me. I felt uncomfortable with that sentiment. It was as if I was only kept around because the other options were somehow less appealing and not that our relationship was intrinsically important or that I as a human being was valued. Hearing that on a regular basis caused me a great deal of discomfort.

Towards the end we had been at odds with each other – not necessarily more or less than at any other time when we were in disagreement about things. This is not about who is right or who is wrong. There are elements and degrees of mutual responsibility when two people are in disharmony.

What this is about is basic respect for another human being.

My partner ended our long-term relationship in a message.

Not in a phone call. Not face-to-face in a difficult conversation.

But in a message.

That is absolutely and utterly disrespectful.

I know in the dating world there is a lot of that behaviour, I read and hear about it all the time.

However, when you have shared your life fully with a person for several years, regardless of what led to the breakdown, you do owe the other person the courtesy of ending things in a civilized and respectful manner. That is not negotiable. We have an obligation to behave like decent human beings towards each other.

Anyway, it’s all in the past and I hope that he found that lush, green grass he was seeking. I also hope he reflected upon his behaviour and did not take that level of disrespect into his next relationship!

respect people's feeling

Credit for colorful RESPECT image to Marco Verch – professional photographer – https://www.flickr.com/photos/30478819@N08/

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Gratitude
health and fitness

Gratitude

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What does gratitude look like to you?

Everyone talks about gratitude and how to include gratefulness into your everyday life. Whether that’s thinking of 5 things to be grateful for when you wake up or recalling 5 things from the day when you go to sleep. You can even buy a “gratitude journal” to record and review your thoughts.

I try to remember to incorporate thoughts of gratitude most days. Some days are easier. For example, when it’s a lovely sunny day or something goes well in my daily life or my dog looks at me in that cute, doggie way!

When I was younger the thought of gratitude was not high on my list. I had a lot of resentments about life. Why did my relationships always end (and often end badly), why couldn’t I hang on to someone? Why were my jobs so difficult? I had many great career opportunities in my mid life, but the early years were difficult, heck so were some of my career choices! I’ve also had my fair share of mean or bullying bosses and that can make your work life intolerable.

I often used to say to myself that if either my work life or my relationship life were ok, then I was fine. But if both fell apart, then life became overwhelming! There were times when both did spectacularly fall apart and I’d be left reeling.

At one point I went to see a psychologist to try and figure things out with some counselling. They said I was smart enough to figure things out for myself (really? then why was I in their office seeking help?) I got sent home with a bunch of articles and notes on books I should read. The one takeaway that I found of value was the concept of daily gratitude.

Initially it was a struggle to find things that invoked gratitude, but it did become easier over time. Although it is always easier if life is being reasonable! However, it is definitely worth it when life is complex and difficult.

Several years ago I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and that diagnosis actually helped a lot. It made sense of things and I finally understood that constant feeling of underlying dread and fear that has been a constant thread in my life. I try to maintain a “drama” free lifestyle and I prefer to not have people or situations in my life that create mayhem and havoc. Sometimes it is unavoidable and I have had people who are manipulative and controlling trying to have a negative impact on my life.

However, I am way better at identifying this behaviour from the get-go and that really changes my response. I create a safe space within my mind and my heart that allows me the distance needed to understand what is going on and to recognize that it is not about me, it’s about them! ❤️

 

 

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