Jump back into the dating pond!

Dating apps

I thought I’d dip my toe in the dating world and see what or who is out there!

I met my last person at dancing. So jumping on an app is a little different, but could be fun. We’ll see.

I have some serious non-negotiables.

Must love dogs – one previous partner  pretended at first to like my dog, but quickly showed that he did not. Yeah, I know, a man who hates animals (and yes he did – all animals) should literally be yeeted out the door!

Non-smoker (again a previous partner lied and only admitted he smoked after I had already caught feelings for him, he promised he would never smoke around me – mmhmm…. that didn’t last long either!) I certainly won’t miss his smoke polluting my backyard! Again, should have yeeted long ago! What was I thinking?🤷

Someone closer to my age. I once dated a guy nearly 10 years older than me. He was far too old for me, it felt like he was almost from a whole different generation. And I know I’m generalizing here and not all older guys are like this (probably?) but the older/old ones tend to be a bit controlling. Life has to be on their terms and there is very little scope for a genuine and equal partnership.

So, I’ve downloaded one app to start with and I’ve been busily swiping and being swiped and I’ve opened up a couple of conversations. Don’t feel you only have to talk with one person at a time. Some conversations peter out after a few back and forths, others can go on and you either feel there may be a connection or find out there isn’t. It’s all ok, you are just figuring out who and what you want. Take it easy, take it slowly. There are some good ones there, but you do have to be on your guard and filter out the players, users and abusers!

Red flags to watch our for:

🚩Someone looking “for fun” – cool, if that’s for you too. But for sure the “for fun” lads are players.

🚩Someone who wants a woman who does not take herself “too seriously”. Generally, that means they will not respect you. Likely they are unreliable and not looking for a genuine commitment. There are better ways to express the concept of someone who has the capacity to laugh at themselves and appreciate another’s perspective.

🚩Someone who talks about their ex in a disrespectful manner. For example, “my ex is a psycho”. Major red flag . This indicates that they are not over them if they are still carrying anger about someone they broke up with a long time ago. Also, carrying that level of anger is damaging to themselves and ultimately will be damaging to you. They have no agency over their emotional baggage and you will end up trying to turn yourself upside down and inside out to ensure they do not compare you to their ex. But they will, the “ex as psycho” brigade generally don’t actually like women. Truly.

🚩Someone who “love bombs” you in the first message or so. For example, I matched with a cute guy who lived not too far away according to his profile. His first message, he straight up said he visits my town regularly (huh? so you don’t live near me? Then stop lying in your bio dude!). He thought I could be the “one”. Seriously? One message and I’m the one? mmhmm…. no, we haven’t even had a conversation, let alone met each other. He gave me his phone number and said he could not wait to meet me and start a relationship. Yeah, nah. Unmatch!

🚩Someone who says literally nothing in their bio. If they cannot be bothered writing about who they are and what they enjoy, then they won’t be putting much time or attention into getting to know you.

Relationship green flags

They have the capacity to express their emotions calmly and validate your emotions

They respect your boundaries

They don’t get angry over trivial matters

They have agency over their own emotions

They can manage their anger and not lose their shit when you disagree with them

They are not scared to apologize; and

They make you feel safe and valued

So there you have it. I’m in there looking for someone special. Life is too short (especially at my age!) to not try again and be optimistic. Take a chance, download that app, have a swipe or two and start chatting. You never know who you might meet!

Image courtesy of: Kaboompics.com