self care

Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

By 60plus&lovinglife January 3, 2024February 29, 2024 0

We’ve all been there—choosing emotionally unavailable or shady partners, falling into the trap of people-pleasing, wrestling with perfectionism, and getting caught in the endless loop of overthinking.

For sure I have had experience with a really shady partner some time ago. He was a full-blown narcissist, emotionally unavailable, emotionally corrupt and he enjoyed causing pain to all those who unfortunately had dealings with him.

The weekend prior to our breakup was classic. He had undergone cosmetic treatment to his eyelids (vain af he was😂). I spent that entire weekend looking after him. He literally could barely open his eyes, they were so swollen and bruised. So I went over to his place, cooked his meals, took groceries to last him the week ahead as he was too vain to be seen out in public after his procedure. I brought wine, chocolates and all his favorite things to eat. I literally babied him the entire weekend.

Then he broke up with me in a text message the day I returned home.

Was I surprised? Yes and no. I knew the relationship was on its last legs. I knew he was toxic and causing me emotional distress and damage.

I knew he used me for emotional support for all the dramas he had been going through, there was absolutely no gratitude or kindness on his end.

So, yeah – it had to end. But it was still brutal. I had cared for him and nurtured him and my reward was a shitty little text breaking it off.

It happens, it shouldn’t, people should behave better. But some just cannot. They treat people as disposable.

We need to ensure that we stay safe, have good boundaries, surround ourselves with genuine, loving family and friends.

It’s a familiar narrative, one that many of us find ourselves entangled in at different points in our lives.

The question is: How do we break free from these patterns and declutter the emotional baggage that holds us back?

Choosing Emotional Availability Over Shadiness

Understanding Emotional Unavailability:

Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable can be a deeply ingrained pattern.

It often stems from our own insecurities or a desire to fix and nurture others. However, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward change.

The Decluttering Process:

Begin by reflecting on your own emotional needs and boundaries. What are your deal-breakers?

What do you truly deserve in a relationship? Letting go of emotionally unavailable partners means making space for connections that are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional availability.

Breaking the Chains of People-Pleasing

Identifying People-Pleasing Patterns:

People-pleasing is a common struggle for many, driven by a fear of rejection or conflict.

It often leaves us exhausted, as our actions become dictated by the expectations of others rather than our own authentic selves.

The Decluttering Process:

Start by becoming aware of your own needs and desires. Practice setting healthy boundaries and saying no when necessary.

Embrace the discomfort that comes with standing up for yourself, and remember that your worth is not determined by others’ approval.

Dismantling the Perfectionism Trap

Recognizing the Perfectionism Cycle:

Perfectionism can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking risks and embracing imperfections.

It’s essential to understand that perfection is an unattainable goal and that the pursuit of it can hinder personal growth.

The Decluttering Process:

Challenge your inner critic by reframing your perspective on failure. Embrace the learning opportunities that come with making mistakes.

Cultivate self-compassion and recognize that imperfections are what make us beautifully human.

Escaping the Overthinking Maze

Understanding the Overthinking Tendency:

Overthinking often results from anxiety about the future or fixation on the past. It steals our present moment and prevents us from fully experiencing life.

The Decluttering Process:

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present.

Challenge irrational thoughts and focus on what you can control. Cultivate a mindset that values the present moment, allowing room for spontaneity and joy.

Crafting the Life You Deserve

Decluttering emotional baggage is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-reflection, courage, and a commitment to your own well-being.

By identifying and addressing these patterns, you pave the way for a life that aligns with your needs, desires, and inherent worth.

Remember, you have the power to break free from these patterns and create a life that reflects your authentic self.

Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and step into a future unburdened by emotional baggage—a future that holds the promise of genuine connections, self-love, and the fulfillment you truly deserve

imagecredit:designsformakers

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Relationships

Navigating Red Flags in Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing, Responding, and Prioritizing Self-Love

By 60plus&lovinglife November 30, 2023February 29, 2024 0

I have talked about “red flag” behaviour in previous relationships in previous blog posts. I’ve discussed how sometimes it was subtle to begin with, then the gaslighting, lying, emotional manipulation and controlling behavior increased over time and how you always end up second guessing yourself.

I have gained a lot of self-awareness from these previous toxic connections and learned how to recognize red flags, ensure that I set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care.

Because I have experienced this type of behaviour and I know for sure many people are dealing with toxic relationships that I will share my personal experiences with you all and shine a light on how to identify and deal with “red flag” behavior.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. While we often find ourselves basking in the honeymoon phase, it’s crucial to remain vigilant for signs of potential trouble. Red flag behaviors in relationships can be elusive, sometimes only surfacing later down the track. As someone who has navigated the complexities of relationships, I understand the importance of recognizing these red flags and taking decisive action to ensure your well-being.

Identifying Red Flag Behavior:

It’s not uncommon for red flags to remain hidden in the initial stages of a relationship. As excitement and infatuation take center stage, we may overlook subtle signs of concerning behavior. It’s vital to cultivate self-awareness and pay attention to changes in your partner’s conduct. Common red flags include:

Controlling Behavior: If your partner exhibits a need for control over various aspects of your life, it may be a cause for concern. This could manifest in decisions both big and small, from what you wear to who you spend time with.
Isolation Tactics: Be wary if your partner actively discourages you from spending time with friends and family. Healthy relationships encourage independence and personal growth, rather than isolation.
Lack of Communication: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your partner consistently avoids discussing important matters or becomes defensive when approached, it’s a red flag.
Manipulative Tactics: Manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping to gaslighting. If you find yourself questioning your own reality or feeling emotionally drained, it’s crucial to address these manipulative behaviors.

Responding to Red Flags

When red flags appear on the horizon, it’s essential to respond proactively. Ignoring or rationalizing concerning behavior can lead to more significant challenges in the future. Here are some steps to consider:

Trust Your Instincts: Your intuition is a powerful guide. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Acknowledge your feelings and take them seriously.
Open Communication: Share your concerns with your partner in a calm and assertive manner. Healthy relationships thrive on communication, and addressing issues early can prevent escalation.
Establish Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them to your partner. If these boundaries are disrespected, it may be a sign that the relationship is not built on mutual respect.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends and family. Discussing your concerns with those who care about you can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.

Prioritizing Self-Love and Safety

Above all, remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and recognize when a relationship may not be serving your best interests. Here are some key considerations:

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your needs, values, and goals. A healthy relationship should contribute positively to your life and personal growth.
Know Your Worth: Understand that you deserve love and kindness from a partner. Settling for less than you deserve can lead to long-term emotional harm.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If red flags persist and your safety is at risk, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide guidance and assistance.

Navigating red flag behaviors in relationships requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal well-being. Drawing from personal experience, I encourage everyone to prioritize self-love, trust their instincts, and seek support when needed. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, kindness, and understanding.

imagecredit:mindjournal

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health and fitness

Breaking Up with My Doctor: Trusting My Gut and Advocating for My Health

By 60plus&lovinglife August 17, 2023 0

They say that doctors are our partners in health, guiding us through the intricacies of our well-being. But what happens when that partnership falls short, leaving you feeling unheard and dismissed?

For years, I’ve grappled with ongoing gastrointestinal issues that have turned my life into a roller coaster of discomfort. Today, I’m sharing my journey of frustration, persistence, and ultimately, self-advocacy.

It’s a story of trusting my gut – both literally and figuratively – and finally finding the answers I needed after years of being dismissively brushed aside.

A Long Road of Gastrointestinal Struggles:

The road of gastrointestinal issues has been a long and winding one for me. Some days were manageable, but others felt like a battleground within my own body.

If you’ve experienced these struggles, you’ll understand the frustration, pain, and sense of helplessness that comes with them. Despite the challenges, I knew deep down that something was amiss, and it was time to take action.

Dismissals and Questionable Diagnoses:

My journey began over 10 years ago with conversations with my regular doctor who, time and again, dismissed my concerns. “It’s just a bug,” he’d say nonchalantly, as if my pain and discomfort were inconsequential.

Last year he diagnosed me with “Diverticulitis” without doing any testing at all, just assumption based on my age (female over 60). He was incorrect as tests I had this year cleared me of diverticulitis.

I even tried a different GP (General Practitioner/doctor) and I vividly remember her reaction when I mentioned my dinner of chickpea curry when she asked what I had eaten the night prior. She laughed, labeling my meal as the root cause of my issues. Even after assuring her that chickpeas weren’t a daily staple, but gut issues were an ongoing problem, she dismissed my concerns without a second thought.

These interactions left me feeling unheard and invalidated and questioning if anyone would take my plight seriously.

A Year of Health Struggles and Rediscovering My Voice:

As this year began, my health took a turn for the worse. Amidst battling other serious health issues, my gastrointestinal problems intensified. My doctor’s dismissive stance persisted, attributing everything to a “it’s just a bug going around.”

Then, a sobering realization struck him (on my third visit to him as I had been getting sicker and sicker) – he had forgotten about my ongoing cancer battle. It was this moment that led him to finally order a colonoscopy and in his own words “I don’t want to be sued.” Not that he was in the least concerned about my health, just that he didn’t want to be legally liable!

He then proceeded to tell me a horrendous story of a patient he knew (not sure if it was his patient). This poor man had cancer and an underlying inflammatory bowel disease which had not been picked up. After a series of chemotherapy treatments, the man’s bowel ruptured as the bowel wall had thinned due to the chemo. My doctor was concerned the same would happen to me!

Finally, A Long-Awaited Diagnosis:

The colonoscopy became a turning point in my journey. Biopsies were taken, and the results held the key to my years of agony. The diagnosis: Lymphocytic Colitis. Here is a link for further information if you are interested – Lymphocytic Colitis.

Finally, a name to the pain I’d been enduring, a validation that I wasn’t imagining my struggles. The revelation came with a mix of emotions – relief, frustration, and determination.

Lymphocytic Colitis is treatable, but it is not curable. It can flare up again. I am currently undergoing 6 weeks of steroid treatment to see if that calms it all down.

Trusting My Gut (literally) and Advocating for My Health:

Through this tumultuous journey, I learned the importance of trusting my gut, both in the literal and metaphorical sense. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s crucial to persist until you find the answers you deserve.

Our bodies have a way of communicating when something is wrong, and it’s up to us to advocate for the care we need. My experience taught me that self-advocacy is a vital component of our health journey, and seeking second opinions can lead us to the right path.

My journey of battling gastrointestinal issues, dismissals, and incorrect diagnoses has ultimately been a testament to the power of persistence and self-advocacy. The road to my Colitis diagnosis was fraught with frustration, but it also rekindled my determination to be my own health advocate.

As I break up with my dismissive doctor, I hope my story serves as a reminder to all that your health matters, your concerns are valid, and your voice deserves to be heard.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re not being taken seriously, remember: trust your gut, stand up for yourself, and keep pushing for the answers you deserve.

image credit:egakusdiarto

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health and fitness

Crossroads

By 60plus&lovinglife February 3, 2023February 15, 2023 0

When you reach a crossroad in your life, what do you do to move forward and nurture yourself?

For me that is self-care, writing this blog, going to the gym, running outdoors and staying connected with family and friends. Oh and dancing, always dancing!

Taking the time to pause, reflect and think about the best way forward. Again, for me, that means eating well (aka healthily), re-committing to my exercise regimen and going out and having fun.

I am fortunate that I have good friends, I can draw them around me like a cloak of warmth and love.

My daughter is my best friend and closest ally. We have always had a close and loving relationship. We are each other’s cheer squad. We also understand each other’s low times.

My sister is always there, every single day. Even though she lives over 3,000km away. We message and chat every day. She checks in with me and I with her.

I value good health and fitness, they are my life and they allow me to live my life in the best way possible.

The thing that I do not value is toxic people, unfortunately they can enter one’s life when you let your guard down. Often in the guise of superficial charm. However, if you allow toxicity in, you will find in time that the cracks show and the poison seeps out, sometimes so slowly that you don’t realize that you have been covered in a miasma of unhealthy behaviours. You will catch glimpses, but you may rationalize them away, easier than admitting you have made a mistake.

It is often only when you step out of that connection that you can fully reflect upon all the damaging patterns that recurred like an endless groundhog day.

But when you do step away, pick up your strength and remember who you are. Firmly put one foot in front of the other and move in a healthier and happier direction. Forwards, always forwards. Don’t look back. There is nothing to see in the rear view mirror.

Life can be beautiful and it can be cruel. I choose to focus on the beautiful. Nature, friendship, family, my dog, love and kindness, respect and warmth. Trust me, it is there!

a little pic of Georgie-boy running in the park…

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random thoughts...

Living my Best Life!

By 60plus&lovinglife January 29, 2023February 7, 2023 0

Weekend #1 post breakup.

Saturday

I was a bit anxious on Friday. For the last 3 ½ years I have literally spent every single weekend with my (ex) partner.

Contemplating my first solo weekend was a bit anxiety inducing and a bit sad too.

My day was usual, I don’t work Fridays. I went to the gym for a pump class at 6, then walked my dog at the park.

Then the usual Friday things, another gym session late in the morning – balance class this time, then grocery shopping, grabbing an almond milk long macchiato on the way home, lunch, read, housework, and another doggie walk.

Oh, and I had a facial too! Part of my self-care is doing all the things that make me feel good, including some pampering.

I’d already decided to go dancing, I know enough people to hang with. However, my friend Helen called in the afternoon. Mostly to check in that I was doing ok – which was thoughtful of her. I told her I was heading out dancing in the evening and invited her along.

She rocked up a bit before 8pm (I was driving from my place) and snap! We were wearing near identical dresses! Her clothing style and colour range is usually completely different to mine, but she’d gone shopping in the day to expand her range. I could have changed, but thought it was more fun to roll up twinning it.

We got to the venue, and I ran into a couple of friends straight away and a few more once we got inside. Massive hugs all round, everyone thrilled to see me out and concerned about how I was feeling post breakup. I love my friends! Told everyone I was fine and dandy, bit of a sad day, but great to be out with familiar faces and ready for a night of dancing!

My mate John was there and I had the first couple of dances with him, he’s a great lead and very easy to dance with. The first dance or two felt strange, again I literally only ever danced with my (ex) partner over the years, and you get quite used to the one style.

Then everything was fine, I just got into the groove and started to feel relaxed and happy. I danced with lots of different guys, some friends from my classes, others I didn’t know. Some were great leads, some not so much.

In amongst all this I’ve had a few guys slip into my DMs or call me over Messenger as they’d seen or heard about my FB post re the breakup. Asking me to go out for drinks or catch up for a night out. Sigh! Calm down lads, I’m not up for dating anyone at the moment and sheesh, talk about giving a girl time to get over a breakup. That’s a hard no!

On Saturday. I woke early, feeling happy and relaxed. I walked Georgie-boy at the park, had breakfast (avo on toast and coffee). I have my first gym session at 9.45 and another one at 1pm. In between, I’m writing this blog post and chatting with my daughter over Messenger and on the phone (we’re catching up tomorrow for brunch).

First gym session was a Balance Class. That one I really love. A mix of yoga and Pilates. How can you not smile when doing Happy Warrior II pose? It makes me feel strong, powerful and lightweight in my strength. We always end with a relaxation session and a heart chakra pose. I always leave feeling blissful, flexible, and happy.

Link https://www.yogajournal.com/poses/warrior-ii-pose/

I bought my coffee and some flowers on the way home.

Little bit more housework this afternoon, wash the doggo and then I’ll head to another dance this evening. I’ll go with Helen again, but this time she’ll be driving and definitely no twinning our dresses tonight!

Sunday

Dance last night was awesome! My dance card was full, I barely left the dance floor!

Woke up happy and relaxed again this morning. Took the dog to the park, he’s loving the extra walks. Went to church to reflect and found peace.

I feel as though I have stepped back into my own life. Have you ever been with someone and felt as though you have been inserted into their life and consequently lost touch with your own? I allowed it to happen, but it is a massive relief to feel back to myself again.

My daughter came over later in the morning and we ended up going out for brunch at a café by the river. So nice to see and spend time with her, she’s amazing, kind, considerate, loving, smart and just the best daughter!

Then this afternoon my dance classes started up again for 2023. I’ve been really looking forward to them starting up. It’s a bit later this year, it’s usually mid-January, so it’s been a bit of a hiatus.

And OMG! It was brilliant! So great to see everyone and my dance teachers, lots of new students too. Two hours of classes and some line dancing afterwards. I felt a bit sad at first, then got into the swing of it all and just had fun and laughs! Nice to feel light-hearted enough to laugh!

All in all, I’d say weekend #1 was a success. Sure, there were moments of sadness and missing him. But making the effort to go out and see people, dance and socialize and have fun really helped me get through this first difficult time.

I’m going to be ok. I have so much love and support around me, I am truly blessed.

Credit for living my best life image – http://www.redbubble.com/people/ohya

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health and fitness

By 60plus&lovinglife January 23, 2023 0

In a hectic world…

…it is important to prioritize self care. It’s easy enough to forget and not focus on the things that nourish our mind, spirit and well-being.

Whether life is going well or you are in a difficult space, try to remember to be mindful that you need to be kind to yourself.

Sure, if life is tricky and you really feel you need to, then eat that ice-cream or chomp that chocolate. But then do something kind and gentle for yourself. Eat the healthy meal first, take a walk, meditate, go for a run or a swim, catch up with a friend or family member.

I aim to do a little meditation practice on most days. I keep up my exercise regimen and ramp up my healthy eating when I feel I’ve lost control of my world. In times of stress your body and mind are negatively impacted (and I’m not talking about “good” stress, which in itself can be motivating). I’m talking about those times when you hit a rough patch and you cannot quite see the way clear.

By caring for yourself you give yourself the space to reflect upon your situation and clarify your thoughts and understand what has or is happening and what you can do or if you just have to sit still for a bit or let go.

I came across an interesting take on meditation which is the concept of “sending and taking”. With each in breath we take in someone’s pain, with each out breath, we send them relief. It’s a form of focusing on others which then has the effect of increasing our compassion for others and ourselves. Here’s a link for you to read more about this practice.

Self-care is important for all the reasons I have outlined. However getting too caught up in our own thoughts and issues can be counterproductive. Hence, my resonating with this form of meditation. Look after yourself and be kind and compassionate to yourself and others ❤️

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Tag Archives self care

Weekend #1 post breakup.

Saturday

Sunday

In a hectic world…