60plus and loving life

You are viewing Relationships

Someday…
Relationships

Someday…

By Posted on 0

It really is true.

Sometimes we give our love to the very wrong people.

And eventually we realize.

We understand that our love has been wasted on the narcissists, the negative/emotionally abusive ones, the emotionally distant ones and those that are just incapable of showing love.

Then along comes someone who is truly worthy of sharing our love. The person who just ‘gets’ you, the person who shares your sense of humour, the person who has the time to listen and understand who you are and the life journey you have been travelling and you understand theirs and there is no judgement.

Those conversations that start and spark ideas & thoughts and then suddenly several hours have passed and you look at each other and you just know.

Someone with common values and beliefs. Someone who is caring towards other people and animals.

That person, who when you look at them, you think “yes, it’s you.”

Then you know that life just got a heck of a lot better and the journey ahead will be fun & adventurous and full of shared experiences.

Let go of the ones who are not right for you and move towards the one who is meant to be in your life.

It is all a learning experience, sometimes it’s a bit hard and not what we wanted to have to deal with and survive. But look at you! You have survived and now you are thriving – go get it! ❤️❤️

Share this article

Unmasking the Past: Unexpected Reactions to Sharing a Toxic Relationship Anecdote Over Lunch
Relationships

Unmasking the Past: Unexpected Reactions to Sharing a Toxic Relationship Anecdote Over Lunch

By Posted on 0

Lunch with friends, a time for laughter, shared stories, and the joy of catching up on each other’s lives. Little did I know that a seemingly innocuous anecdote from my past would leave my friends shocked and deeply concerned.

Today, I want to share the unexpected turn of events that occurred when I opened up about a chapter in my life, thinking it was just one of many experiences.

The Setting: A Casual Lunch Gathering

Picture this – a cozy restaurant, the clinking of cutlery, and the hum of conversation as I sat down for a long-overdue lunch with friends.

The atmosphere was light, and I felt comfortable sharing snippets from my past, little fragments that make up the mosaic of who I am today.

The Unveiling of an Anecdote: My Time with a Toxic Narcissist

As the conversation flowed, I found myself sharing an anecdote from my time in a toxic relationship with a narcissist.

In my mind, it was just one of many stories – a part of my past that I had learned and grown from.

However, as I spoke, I noticed a shift in the room. The laughter subsided, and a wave of shock and concern washed over my friends’ faces.

The Unexpected Reaction: A Reality Check

Stopping mid-sentence, I couldn’t help but wonder why my friends were reacting this way.

It wasn’t until that moment that I realized the gravity of the situation I had described.

What I considered a minor chapter in my life was, for them, a shocking revelation of emotional turmoil and manipulation.

Perception vs. Reality: The Complexity of Experience

It’s fascinating how our perception of our own experiences can differ so vastly from how others perceive them.

What I considered just a piece of the puzzle, my friends saw as a red flag – a clear sign of a tumultuous journey I had endured.

It was a moment of introspection for me, realizing that the impact of certain experiences can be deeply rooted, even if we perceive them as less significant in the grand scheme of things.

The Power of Sharing: Breaking the Silence

Despite the initial shock, the revelation sparked a conversation about toxic relationships, narcissistic behavior, and the importance of breaking the silence.

It was a moment of shared vulnerability, turning what could have been a discomforting experience into an opportunity for mutual support and understanding.

As I reflect on that lunch gathering, I’m reminded of the power of sharing our stories – the good, the bad, and the complex.

What may seem like a minor anecdote to us can be a significant revelation for others.

It’s a reminder that each of our experiences is unique, and the impact of those experiences can ripple through our lives in unexpected ways.

So here’s to the power of conversation, the strength found in vulnerability, and the unexpected revelations that come when we share the chapters of our lives.

It’s a journey of growth, understanding, and, ultimately, healing.

imagecredit:untamedhero

No tags

Share this article

Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns
Relationships

Unpacking Emotional Baggage: A Journey to Break Free from Unhealthy Patterns

By Posted on 0

We’ve all been there—choosing emotionally unavailable or shady partners, falling into the trap of people-pleasing, wrestling with perfectionism, and getting caught in the endless loop of overthinking.

For sure I have had experience with a really shady partner some time ago. He was a full-blown narcissist, emotionally unavailable, emotionally corrupt and he enjoyed causing pain to all those who unfortunately had dealings with him.

The weekend prior to our breakup was classic. He had undergone cosmetic treatment to his eyelids (vain af he was😂). I spent that entire weekend looking after him. He literally could barely open his eyes, they were so swollen and bruised. So I went over to his place, cooked his meals, took groceries to last him the week ahead as he was too vain to be seen out in public after his procedure. I brought wine, chocolates and all his favorite things to eat. I literally babied him the entire weekend.

Then he broke up with me in a text message the day I returned home.

Was I surprised? Yes and no. I knew the relationship was on its last legs. I knew he was toxic and causing me emotional distress and damage.

I knew he used me for emotional support for all the dramas he had been going through, there was absolutely no gratitude or kindness on his end.

So, yeah – it had to end. But it was still brutal. I had cared for him and nurtured him and my reward was a shitty little text breaking it off.

It happens, it shouldn’t, people should behave better. But some just cannot. They treat people as disposable.

We need to ensure that we stay safe, have good boundaries, surround ourselves with genuine, loving family and friends.

It’s a familiar narrative, one that many of us find ourselves entangled in at different points in our lives.

The question is: How do we break free from these patterns and declutter the emotional baggage that holds us back?

Choosing Emotional Availability Over Shadiness

Understanding Emotional Unavailability:

Choosing partners who are emotionally unavailable can be a deeply ingrained pattern.

It often stems from our own insecurities or a desire to fix and nurture others. However, recognizing this pattern is the first step toward change.

The Decluttering Process:

Begin by reflecting on your own emotional needs and boundaries. What are your deal-breakers?

What do you truly deserve in a relationship? Letting go of emotionally unavailable partners means making space for connections that are built on mutual understanding, respect, and emotional availability.

Breaking the Chains of People-Pleasing

Identifying People-Pleasing Patterns:

People-pleasing is a common struggle for many, driven by a fear of rejection or conflict.

It often leaves us exhausted, as our actions become dictated by the expectations of others rather than our own authentic selves.

The Decluttering Process:

Start by becoming aware of your own needs and desires. Practice setting healthy boundaries and saying no when necessary.

Embrace the discomfort that comes with standing up for yourself, and remember that your worth is not determined by others’ approval.

Dismantling the Perfectionism Trap

Recognizing the Perfectionism Cycle:

Perfectionism can be paralyzing, preventing us from taking risks and embracing imperfections.

It’s essential to understand that perfection is an unattainable goal and that the pursuit of it can hinder personal growth.

The Decluttering Process:

Challenge your inner critic by reframing your perspective on failure. Embrace the learning opportunities that come with making mistakes.

Cultivate self-compassion and recognize that imperfections are what make us beautifully human.

Escaping the Overthinking Maze

Understanding the Overthinking Tendency:

Overthinking often results from anxiety about the future or fixation on the past. It steals our present moment and prevents us from fully experiencing life.

The Decluttering Process:

Practice mindfulness and grounding techniques to bring yourself back to the present.

Challenge irrational thoughts and focus on what you can control. Cultivate a mindset that values the present moment, allowing room for spontaneity and joy.

Crafting the Life You Deserve

Decluttering emotional baggage is a journey, not a destination. It requires self-reflection, courage, and a commitment to your own well-being.

By identifying and addressing these patterns, you pave the way for a life that aligns with your needs, desires, and inherent worth.

Remember, you have the power to break free from these patterns and create a life that reflects your authentic self.

Embrace the journey of self-discovery, and step into a future unburdened by emotional baggage—a future that holds the promise of genuine connections, self-love, and the fulfillment you truly deserve

imagecredit:designsformakers

Share this article

Navigating Life’s Drama: A Strategic Guide to Avoiding Unwanted Episodes
Relationships

Navigating Life’s Drama: A Strategic Guide to Avoiding Unwanted Episodes

By Posted on 0

At some point in our lives, there inevitably exist individuals with a penchant for orchestrating melodrama.

Today I am exploring how we can seek to provide a nuanced exploration of tactics one may employ when confronted with those who seem determined to cast us in the leading role of a real-life soap opera.

With a touch of dark comedy and a dash of strategic finesse, we embark on a journey to master the art of evasion and maintain a drama-free existence.

Trust me! I speak from experience!! There are people who will try to control the narrative about you, but it’s easy enough to step back, laugh at their manoeuvres and re-write the script!

I have dealt with exes who have tried to control me and failing that tried to control the narrative about me, but as my dear departed father always said: “No-one can control you, my dear – you are and always will be your own woman!”

Chapter 1: Discerning the Dramatists (aka dealing with idiots!)

The initial step in safeguarding oneself from undue dramatization involves a careful identification of the instigators.

These are the individuals who possess an uncanny ability to transform the mundane into the extraordinary and thrive on interpersonal conflict.

By recognizing these dramatists, one gains a crucial advantage in circumventing their efforts to draw others into their scripted narratives.

Chapter 2: Cultivating a Subtle Presence

To dissuade drama enthusiasts from fixating on one’s narrative, it is prudent to adopt an understated and unassuming presence.

Opt for a discreet demeanour that defies the spotlight. In the realm of drama, subtlety can be a formidable shield.

Trust me! I am a chameleon!

Chapter 3: The Art of the Controlled Detour

When confronted with an imminent dramatization, mastering the art of the controlled detour becomes imperative.

Swiftly redirect conversations, subtly change topics, and gracefully navigate away from potential conflict zones.

This skilful navigation can serve as an effective deterrent, preventing the dramatists from gaining a foothold in one’s personal narrative.

Chapter 4: Utilizing Discretionary Measures

For moments when subtlety proves insufficient, adopting discretionary measures becomes paramount.

Develop the ability to gracefully disengage from potentially volatile situations, preserving one’s emotional well-being while avoiding the pitfalls of unwarranted drama.

Choose battles wisely and know when to withdraw from the stage of conflict.

Chapter 5: Setting Boundaries (yes, this one is in bold as our boundaries are critically important in evading drama-fuelled idividuals!) Narcissists, drama queens/kings and manipulative gas-lighters ALWAYS try to blur your boundaries! Do not let them!! 

Establishing clear boundaries serves as a fundamental strategy for avoiding undue drama. Communicate assertively and express personal limits, dissuading dramatists from overstepping into one’s private sphere.

Consistency in upholding these boundaries is key to maintaining a drama-free equilibrium.

Chapter 6: In conclusion, navigating the complex terrain of interpersonal dynamics, the ability to deftly sidestep the allure of drama is an invaluable skill.

By discerning dramatists, cultivating a subtle presence, mastering the art of controlled detours, implementing discretionary measures, and establishing firm boundaries, one can effectively shield oneself from the orchestrators of interpersonal theatrics.

May this strategic guide empower you to curate a life free from the scripted narratives of others and foster a more harmonious existence.

imagecredit:karmareturns

 

Share this article

Navigating Red Flags in Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing, Responding, and Prioritizing Self-Love
Relationships

Navigating Red Flags in Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing, Responding, and Prioritizing Self-Love

By Posted on 0

I have talked about “red flag” behaviour in previous relationships in previous blog posts. I’ve discussed how sometimes it was subtle to begin with, then the gaslighting, lying, emotional manipulation and controlling behavior increased over time and how you always end up second guessing yourself.

I have gained a lot of self-awareness from these previous toxic connections and learned how to recognize red flags, ensure that I set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care.

Because I have experienced this type of behaviour and I know for sure many people are dealing with toxic relationships that I will share my personal experiences with you all and shine a light on how to identify and deal with “red flag” behavior.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. While we often find ourselves basking in the honeymoon phase, it’s crucial to remain vigilant for signs of potential trouble. Red flag behaviors in relationships can be elusive, sometimes only surfacing later down the track. As someone who has navigated the complexities of relationships, I understand the importance of recognizing these red flags and taking decisive action to ensure your well-being.

Identifying Red Flag Behavior:

It’s not uncommon for red flags to remain hidden in the initial stages of a relationship. As excitement and infatuation take center stage, we may overlook subtle signs of concerning behavior. It’s vital to cultivate self-awareness and pay attention to changes in your partner’s conduct. Common red flags include:

  1. Controlling Behavior: If your partner exhibits a need for control over various aspects of your life, it may be a cause for concern. This could manifest in decisions both big and small, from what you wear to who you spend time with.
  2. Isolation Tactics: Be wary if your partner actively discourages you from spending time with friends and family. Healthy relationships encourage independence and personal growth, rather than isolation.
  3. Lack of Communication: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your partner consistently avoids discussing important matters or becomes defensive when approached, it’s a red flag.
  4. Manipulative Tactics: Manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping to gaslighting. If you find yourself questioning your own reality or feeling emotionally drained, it’s crucial to address these manipulative behaviors.

Responding to Red Flags

When red flags appear on the horizon, it’s essential to respond proactively. Ignoring or rationalizing concerning behavior can lead to more significant challenges in the future. Here are some steps to consider:

  1. Trust Your Instincts: Your intuition is a powerful guide. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Acknowledge your feelings and take them seriously.
  2. Open Communication: Share your concerns with your partner in a calm and assertive manner. Healthy relationships thrive on communication, and addressing issues early can prevent escalation.
  3. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them to your partner. If these boundaries are disrespected, it may be a sign that the relationship is not built on mutual respect.
  4. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends and family. Discussing your concerns with those who care about you can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.

Prioritizing Self-Love and Safety

Above all, remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and recognize when a relationship may not be serving your best interests. Here are some key considerations:

  1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your needs, values, and goals. A healthy relationship should contribute positively to your life and personal growth.
  2. Know Your Worth: Understand that you deserve love and kindness from a partner. Settling for less than you deserve can lead to long-term emotional harm.
  3. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If red flags persist and your safety is at risk, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide guidance and assistance.

Navigating red flag behaviors in relationships requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal well-being. Drawing from personal experience, I encourage everyone to prioritize self-love, trust their instincts, and seek support when needed. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, kindness, and understanding.

imagecredit:mindjournal

Share this article

The Covenant that ties…
Relationships

The Covenant that ties…

By Posted on 0

What is family? Who do you count as family? Is it just blood ties or do you have friends that you consider family?

This time of year we are close to Christmas and in the US it is Thanksgiving time. Both occasions are all about family, times of love & happiness, but can also be fraught with conflict and discord.

My daughter is my family and we love each other dearly. I also have family on the other side of the country. Family for me includes close friends. One friend hosts an “orphans” Christmas breakfast at the beach each year (we live in Australia, so Christmas is peak summertime for us!).

Having been married twice, I also have extended family. My first husband’s sister is someone I will always consider family, even though our connection is no longer via the marriage bond, she is someone I hold dear. My second husband and I are still friends (years after we divorced) and always will be and I remained close with his mother until she passed.

A previous partner, however, had a very tumultuous and toxic family. Always feuding with each other. Always threatening each other and sending abusive messages to each other. They thought that was normal. I was both appalled and aghast when shown the vitriol that was sent back and forth. It was ugly!

Vicious name calling and I mean vicious, no foul language was off limits! Abuse & threats were sent back & forth in equal measure. I had never in all my life witnessed such toxic behaviour, ever!! And I hope I never do again. Even reading such sickening messages was emotionally damaging and they were not aimed at me.

No-one in my life, family or friends, have ever spoken to me or me to them in the horrid and abusive way of this mob. It was insane! They have behaved like this for many, many years and amongst themselves they have normalized this abusive and damaging behavior. None of them cared about the damage they inflicted on each other, it was harrowing to witness. My then partner was regularly brought to tears of grief and despair – then he would fire back equally vile messages in retaliation! It was nuts!

Those people made it very clear that I was NOT family, regardless of my being in a relationship with one of theirs for some time. Praise be for that I say! Never would I wish to be known as belonging to such toxic people. They were all big on “blood is thicker than water” – clearly an excuse for toxic and damaging behaviour towards each other. The kicker is that they (and many other people) have got that expression totally wrong. They think it means ties of blood/kin are stronger than ties of “water” or non-kin.

However, the actual expression is “The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” As in bonds that you’ve made by choice are more important than the people that you are bound to by the water of the womb. Here’s a link that explains the original Covenant quote.

I hope however you celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas that you are surrounded by loving, kind and genuine folk who care for you as you care for them, whether they are ties of the womb or Covenant of blood. 💕

imagecredit:Margienance

 

Share this article