A few of my fears – we all have some.

I guess I could say that there have been many things that have freaked me out over the years. I used to be terrified of public speaking. I got over that one when I started working as a university lecturer – no time to panic when you have to deliver a lecture to a room full of students! I would still sometimes feel faint and nauseated at the beginning of a lecture, but once I settled into the rhythm and (mostly) got the room engaged, it was fine.

I didn’t have much of a choice, I was studying for my PhD and I was a single mother and needed to work to top up my scholarship. I was offered tutoring first, then the opportunity to deliver lectures. I know that wanting to provide the best I could for my daughter meant not giving in to the panic. Besides which, I come from fairly humble origins and I was first in family to reach higher education. That is a privilege that many people still don’t have, so I took a breath and walked into my first class ready to teach.

I am also unnerved by spiders. I know they are useful to have around and they keep other bugs in line (mosquitoes and suchlike). But there is literally nothing more scream-worthy than unknowingly walking into a spider’s web outside, feeling the sticky web in your face and hair and then panicking that a big, juicy spider is likely now wandering about in your hair or down your back!

I grew up in Melbourne, Australia. We had huntsman spiders in our back shed that were as big as mice. Big, grey and fluffy with a long leg span! Seriously go google huntsman spider pictures and you’ll see what I mean! I would post a pic here, but I don’t want to unnecessarily freak anyone out. They are fairly harmless and don’t really bother people, but they sure do look intimidating.

My other fear is a fear of heights. I get quite faint and wobbly if I am anywhere near a clifftop or looking at the view from a tall building. Heck, even walking over a pedestrian road bridge can make me uncomfortable.

As I get older though, I find that some fears have either faded out somewhat or I can manage them better. A couple of years back, right before the pandemic hit, I was on a trip with my partner and his family in Bali. It was a holiday for my partner’s birthday and I had only been with him for around 6 months. I wanted to do something special for him, so I booked a day trip to Bali Swing in Ubud. You are literally sitting on a wooden swing with rope handles and then pushed out over the jungle and rice fields. The views are spectacular! My partner likes to be a bit adventurous, so I thought it an ideal and unique birthday experience for him.

He loved it, he tried all of the options and he was thrilled. He then said it was my turn! Oof! And I did it! I wasn’t mad keen, however I thought it was a once in a lifetime experience, and that it would be an amazing outlook and view. And it was. It really was beautiful and scary and exhilarating. I’m glad I overcame my lifelong fear of heights to try this one thing. For me it was a challenge and an experience worth overcoming my fear. Plus I have the photos to prove it!