Relationships

Navigating Red Flags in Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing, Responding, and Prioritizing Self-Love

By Posted on 0 3 m read
red flag forrest

I have talked about “red flag” behaviour in previous relationships in previous blog posts. I’ve discussed how sometimes it was subtle to begin with, then the gaslighting, lying, emotional manipulation and controlling behavior increased over time and how you always end up second guessing yourself.

I have gained a lot of self-awareness from these previous toxic connections and learned how to recognize red flags, ensure that I set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care.

Because I have experienced this type of behaviour and I know for sure many people are dealing with toxic relationships that I will share my personal experiences with you all and shine a light on how to identify and deal with “red flag” behavior.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. While we often find ourselves basking in the honeymoon phase, it’s crucial to remain vigilant for signs of potential trouble. Red flag behaviors in relationships can be elusive, sometimes only surfacing later down the track. As someone who has navigated the complexities of relationships, I understand the importance of recognizing these red flags and taking decisive action to ensure your well-being.

Identifying Red Flag Behavior:

It’s not uncommon for red flags to remain hidden in the initial stages of a relationship. As excitement and infatuation take center stage, we may overlook subtle signs of concerning behavior. It’s vital to cultivate self-awareness and pay attention to changes in your partner’s conduct. Common red flags include:

  1. Controlling Behavior: If your partner exhibits a need for control over various aspects of your life, it may be a cause for concern. This could manifest in decisions both big and small, from what you wear to who you spend time with.
  2. Isolation Tactics: Be wary if your partner actively discourages you from spending time with friends and family. Healthy relationships encourage independence and personal growth, rather than isolation.
  3. Lack of Communication: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your partner consistently avoids discussing important matters or becomes defensive when approached, it’s a red flag.
  4. Manipulative Tactics: Manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping to gaslighting. If you find yourself questioning your own reality or feeling emotionally drained, it’s crucial to address these manipulative behaviors.

Responding to Red Flags

When red flags appear on the horizon, it’s essential to respond proactively. Ignoring or rationalizing concerning behavior can lead to more significant challenges in the future. Here are some steps to consider:

  1. Trust Your Instincts: Your intuition is a powerful guide. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Acknowledge your feelings and take them seriously.
  2. Open Communication: Share your concerns with your partner in a calm and assertive manner. Healthy relationships thrive on communication, and addressing issues early can prevent escalation.
  3. Establish Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them to your partner. If these boundaries are disrespected, it may be a sign that the relationship is not built on mutual respect.
  4. Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends and family. Discussing your concerns with those who care about you can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.

Prioritizing Self-Love and Safety

Above all, remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and recognize when a relationship may not be serving your best interests. Here are some key considerations:

  1. Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your needs, values, and goals. A healthy relationship should contribute positively to your life and personal growth.
  2. Know Your Worth: Understand that you deserve love and kindness from a partner. Settling for less than you deserve can lead to long-term emotional harm.
  3. Seek Professional Help if Needed: If red flags persist and your safety is at risk, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide guidance and assistance.

Navigating red flag behaviors in relationships requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal well-being. Drawing from personal experience, I encourage everyone to prioritize self-love, trust their instincts, and seek support when needed. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, kindness, and understanding.

imagecredit:mindjournal

Share this article

Relationships

The Covenant that ties…

By Posted on 0 3 m read
ocean view and the words "time with family is a gift"

What is family? Who do you count as family? Is it just blood ties or do you have friends that you consider family?

This time of year we are close to Christmas and in the US it is Thanksgiving time. Both occasions are all about family, times of love & happiness, but can also be fraught with conflict and discord.

My daughter is my family and we love each other dearly. I also have family on the other side of the country. Family for me includes close friends. One friend hosts an “orphans” Christmas breakfast at the beach each year (we live in Australia, so Christmas is peak summertime for us!).

Having been married twice, I also have extended family. My first husband’s sister is someone I will always consider family, even though our connection is no longer via the marriage bond, she is someone I hold dear. My second husband and I are still friends (years after we divorced) and always will be and I remained close with his mother until she passed.

A previous partner, however, had a very tumultuous and toxic family. Always feuding with each other. Always threatening each other and sending abusive messages to each other. They thought that was normal. I was both appalled and aghast when shown the vitriol that was sent back and forth. It was ugly!

Vicious name calling and I mean vicious, no foul language was off limits! Abuse & threats were sent back & forth in equal measure. I had never in all my life witnessed such toxic behaviour, ever!! And I hope I never do again. Even reading such sickening messages was emotionally damaging and they were not aimed at me.

No-one in my life, family or friends, have ever spoken to me or me to them in the horrid and abusive way of this mob. It was insane! They have behaved like this for many, many years and amongst themselves they have normalized this abusive and damaging behavior. None of them cared about the damage they inflicted on each other, it was harrowing to witness. My then partner was regularly brought to tears of grief and despair – then he would fire back equally vile messages in retaliation! It was nuts!

Those people made it very clear that I was NOT family, regardless of my being in a relationship with one of theirs for some time. Praise be for that I say! Never would I wish to be known as belonging to such toxic people. They were all big on “blood is thicker than water” – clearly an excuse for toxic and damaging behaviour towards each other. The kicker is that they (and many other people) have got that expression totally wrong. They think it means ties of blood/kin are stronger than ties of “water” or non-kin.

However, the actual expression is “The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” As in bonds that you’ve made by choice are more important than the people that you are bound to by the water of the womb. Here’s a link that explains the original Covenant quote.

I hope however you celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas that you are surrounded by loving, kind and genuine folk who care for you as you care for them, whether they are ties of the womb or Covenant of blood. 💕

imagecredit:Margienance

 

Share this article

random thoughts...

Believe in yourself! It’s important…

By Posted on 0 3 m read
image of water near mountains and the words - believe in yourself

In the noise and busyness of life’s challenges and uncertainties, there exists a subtle yet mighty force that has the power to shape our destinies – the belief in oneself.

It’s a whisper in our hearts, an unwavering spark that, when nurtured, can transform doubts into determination, obstacles into opportunities, and dreams into reality.

Today I am going to delve into the profound impact of believing in oneself, exploring how it serves as the guiding light that illuminates our path through the darkest of times, unlocking the brilliance of our own potential.

Believing in oneself is a quiet flame, one that doesn’t boast its presence or demand attention. Instead, it burns gently within, fueling the fire of determination.

It’s a source of inner strength, often underestimated, yet paramount to our growth and success. This silent power provides the resolve to chase our dreams and confront the challenges that stand in our way.

We’ve all faced moments when doubts cloud our judgment and sow the seeds of hesitation. The beauty of self-belief is that it acts as a counterbalance to these doubts.

When you believe in yourself, you cultivate the conviction needed to push forward despite the uncertainty. Doubts become stepping stones, propelling you toward your goals instead of holding you back.

Obstacles are a natural part of life’s journey. However, the lens of self-belief allows us to see them in a different light.

Instead of roadblocks, they become opportunities for growth and learning. With self-belief, you are better equipped to face challenges head-on, finding creative solutions, and emerging stronger and wiser on the other side.

Believing in yourself is the catalyst that can turn dreams into tangible realities. It fuels the persistence required to pursue those aspirations, even in the face of adversity.

With unwavering self-belief, you take action, make the necessary sacrifices, and persist until your dreams materialize. It’s the force that can change the trajectory of your life.

In the darkest of times, when life’s challenges seem insurmountable, it’s self-belief that lights the way.

It’s the beacon that guides you through the shadows, keeping you focused on your goals and inspiring you to persevere. No matter how tough the journey, your belief in yourself can lead you toward a brighter future.

Each one of us possesses a unique brilliance, a potential waiting to be fully realized. Believing in yourself is the key to unlocking that potential.

It’s the reminder that you are capable, valuable, and deserving of success. When you trust in your abilities, you allow your brilliance to shine, not only benefiting yourself but also inspiring others to do the same.

In a world often filled with noise and self-doubt, the quiet flame of self-belief remains a powerful force for transformation.

It’s the unwavering spark within that empowers us to navigate life’s challenges and chase our dreams with determination. Through self-belief, we discover the resilience to turn doubts into determination, embrace obstacles as opportunities, and turn our wildest dreams into reality.

Remember, you possess the brilliance to illuminate your own path and inspire others along the way. So, nurture that quiet flame within, and let it light the way to your boundless potential.

 

imagecredit:damla

 

Share this article

musings about ageing

Who am I? A year of learning about myself, more than I ever thought I could be!

By Posted on 0 3 m read
woman walking along the beach

I caught up with a good friend of mine for lunch today. We always talk about random things and deep dive on any issues we might have and untangle thoughts and feelings to get at the core of things.

It’s wonderful to have friends like that and she is an absolute gem!

We talked about my health which has been a bit of a dumpster fire this year. My friend talked about my identity as a healthy and fit woman. She is correct, my identity is very much wrapped around health & fitness and being a role model for women in their 60s.

Heck, one of the reasons I started this blog was to talk about health & fitness and how to stay well as one ages!

My family of origin has and is riddled with heart disease, metabolic illness, and COPD.

My whole life and part of my motivation to stay healthy and fit was to keep, primarily, heart disease at bay and I can say I have been overwhelmingly successful in this endeavour.

So, you can imagine my utter shock when cancer decided to knock on the door earlier this year. Specifically, breast cancer. No-one in my family has had breast cancer and it took some time to wrap my head around it all and what that meant for my health, fitness, and self-identity.

This year has had enough plot twists to write a book about. On top of the breast cancer, I was diagnosed with non-Hodgin Lymphoma, Lymphocytic Colitis and then Sudden Sensorineuro Hearing loss in my left ear – meaning I will need surgery to be fitted with a Cochlear Implant.

In amongst all of these hectic challenges, I have kept my spirits up, dealing with one thing at a time. I have kept up my exercise regimen when I could.

There were some weeks when recovering from a procedure or two, that I have had to take a break to rest and recuperate. I have had to take the time to allow my body and spirit time to rest and recover and to get better.

If I couldn’t go for a run, I’d go for a brisk walk. If I couldn’t go to the gym to do weights training, I’d pick up an extra yoga or Pilates class. Going for a swim is always a nice option, gentle, weight bearing and slow. Dancing is a constant too.

If it was all too much, then resting, reading, walking my dog, and spending gentle time with family and my friends were the order of the day!

I also had some emotional turmoil to deal with this year. A person whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to relentlessly bully me via my blog and to get his minion to do likewise.

Generally, I am very much of the opinion that bullies are just cowards that if you ignore them, they eventually go away. But this one was unrelentingly persistent.

In the end I got rid of them, but it took some work to do so and if they ever rear their heads again, I will go straight to the Magistrate and get an AVO. I have all the written evidence and witnesses of in-person bullying and harassment. Plus, nasty sh*t sent to friends of mine, that has also been kept as evidence.

All up the year has presented some unique issues for me to deal with and overcome.

But you know what? I am resilient, I am strong, I fully believe my fitness has enabled me to deal with the health issues effectively. Exercise and eating well also helps with emotional upheaval.

The other thing I have in my favour is a supportive family and the best friends and community. They literally wrap themselves around me like a warm hug!

I am blessed and honoured and humbled by the love and support I have received this year.

imagecredit:negativespace,quotebyauthor

 

 

 

Share this article