Breakups!

How to build resilience during/after a relationship breakup…

My relationship of 3 and 1/2 years recently hit the skids. Unfortunate and kinda sad, but such is life!

I did not instigate the breakup, I’m more a person who likes to take time to figure things out and try to resolve any tensions. Oh well.

Anyway, this post is about building resilience, it’s how I deal with traumatic life events and what works for me. Take what resonates and leave the rest if it does not.

First up. Do not wallow in self pity. Sure it’s tempting to rock in the corner sobbing over a container of Ben & Jerry’s or sit hugging a bottle of wine. However, that really does not help. Not at all. You might think it’s comforting, but it’s not. You only end up having a pity party for one and feeling even more crap!

Pick yourself up and take care of yourself. You are important, you are valued and you have to look after yourself.

I think relationship breakups send us into a state of shock and you feel somewhat unmoored and adrift in life. What once was there has suddenly gone and you are left reeling.

As you know from earlier posts, I am big on exercise and healthy eating. It helps with my physical and emotional well-being. Therefore, when life throws me a curve ball, I ramp it all up.

Literally.

1. Exercise

I spend more time at the gym. Seriously, you cannot wallow or worry if you are lifting weights and doing endless squats and lunges. Ramping up your exercise regimen is a good thing. You feel strong and powerful and your mind is very much focused on the next move. I also have a lot of friends at the gym and I love my instructors, it’s such a supportive and social environment. If the gym is not your thing, increase whatever it is you do for exercise, take longer walks, swim further, dance more! Trust me, it helps a lot.

2. Eat healthy and well

Next, I make sure that my 95%-ish plan of eating healthy food, increases to 100%. Good, healthy, nutritious food not only nourishes your body, it is giving your mind and emotions the wherewithal to stay on an even keel. You are also performing an act of self-love. Preparing and cooking beautiful meals helps with the healing process.

3. Avoid the wine

Stay away from alcohol. It’s a depressant. It alters your brain chemistry and can make you more sad and/or depressed. Just give it a miss for a while, you will feel better about yourself.

4. Connect with your social network

Spend time with your support network. My family love me and are unconditionally supportive. I have a wide network of friends that I have built over the years. I have friends from the dance community, the gym, friends I run with and friends I’ve known for years that I hang with and chat and laugh together. I am there for them in the good times and the bad and I know I can call on them in my times of need and they are there without question, offering tea, a shoulder to cry on, hugs and love. I feel honoured to be surrounded with love.

5. Don’t stay home – go out!

Accept those offers, go out, even if you don’t really feel like it. It’s important to keep up your social life and not sit at home feeling sad and blue. A lovely friend of mine has invited me to a party this evening, he often has casual get togethers with other people I know and some I don’t. I will be there. This weekend there are a couple of dances on and for sure I will be there dancing up a storm. It’s what I love and makes me feel happy.

6. Listen to uplifting music

Do not play those sad ballads, they will just bring you down and make you cry. Find a list of happy songs (whatever genre you prefer) or those breakup songs that are empowering. A couple to consider are GRL Ugly Heart, Lizzo’s Good as Hell, Taylor Swift’s Shake it Off. My current and all time favourite is Miley’s current and perfect breakup song Flowers – this one for sure you can play on repeat! It’s powerful and will help you reclaim your power!!

6. Moving forward

Yes, life will feel strange and different for a while. It’s a jolt to have been in a deeply intimate relationship with another human and then it suddenly ends. There’s really nothing you can do to change that. Do not text. Do not call. Do not stalk their social media. Mute them on socials or block if the breakup was unpleasant and the chance of a friendship developing has a snowballs chance in hell. Focus on yourself, your needs and keep moving forward one step and one day at a time. Soon enough the uncomfortable feelings will dissipate, you will find hours, then days when they do not enter your thoughts at all. And then, one day not too far in the future you will feel absolutely fine.

And as Miley says “I can love me better than you can”. Brb, just stepping out to buy myself some flowers, then go dancing!