unhealthy relationships – 60plus and loving life

Healing from Childhood Trauma: A Journey to Emotional Well-being

By 60plus&lovinglife February 16, 2024 0

Someone dear to me confided in me about their traumatic childhood. They re-live the trauma over and over again, and their life has been one of great unhappiness and pain.

He is literally the most unhappy person I have ever met, he is filled with negativity, repressed anger and sadness. It has been a sorrow to me watching this lovely person struggle with life and relationships and knowing that there is nothing I can do to help without being sucked into the vortex of negativity.

He did not and does not realise that he carries this trauma like a weighted rock on his back and that the impact of unhealed trauma negatively impacted every aspect of his life.

I am dedicating today’s blog post to this friend of mine and I hope that one day he can find true peace of mind.

Today, we’ll explore how these unresolved issues can manifest in adulthood, and we’ll outline steps to recovery and a blueprint for building a more fulfilling life.

Childhood is meant to be a time of innocence and wonder, a period where memories are formed, and dreams take shape. However, for many individuals, childhood can also be marked by experiences of trauma, pain, and emotional distress.

Unresolved childhood trauma, internalized pain, and repressed anger can cast long shadows over our lives, shaping our relationships, our perceptions, and our emotional well-being.

Understanding the Impact of Childhood Trauma

Childhood trauma can take many forms—physical abuse, emotional neglect, parental divorce, bullying, and more.

These experiences can leave deep emotional scars that linger long into adulthood. Individuals who have experienced childhood trauma may find themselves grappling with a host of issues, including low self-esteem, trust issues, difficulty forming healthy relationships, and a pervasive sense of shame and unworthiness.

Moreover, the pain and anger associated with childhood trauma can become internalized, leading to a cycle of self-destructive behaviour and emotional distress.

The Manifestations of Unresolved Trauma

The effects of unresolved childhood trauma can ripple through every aspect of our lives, from our personal relationships to our professional endeavours.

In relationships, unresolved trauma can breed insecurity, jealousy, and a fear of intimacy, leading to a pattern of broken relationships and emotional turmoil.

In the workplace, it can manifest as chronic stress, difficulty concentrating, and a sense of inadequacy that undermines our professional success.

Left unaddressed, these issues can perpetuate a cycle of negativity and emotional distress, robbing us of the joy and fulfillment we deserve.

Steps to Recovery and Emotional Healing

Recovering from childhood trauma requires courage, patience, and a commitment to self-discovery. Here are some steps to help you on your journey to healing:

Acknowledge the Pain:

The first step towards healing is acknowledging the pain and trauma you experienced in childhood.

Allow yourself to feel the full range of emotions that accompany these experiences, without judgment or self-criticism.

Seek Professional Help:

Healing from childhood trauma often requires the guidance of a trained therapist or counsellor who can provide support, validation, and tools for coping with difficult emotions.

Therapy can help you process past traumas, challenge negative thought patterns, and develop healthier coping mechanisms.

Practice Self-Compassion:

Be gentle with yourself as you navigate the healing process.

Practice self-care activities that nourish your mind, body, and spirit, whether it’s mindfulness meditation, journaling, spending time in nature, or engaging in creative expression.

Cultivate Healthy Relationships:

Surround yourself with supportive friends and loved ones who validate your experiences and uplift you on your journey to healing.

Healthy relationships built on trust, respect, and empathy can provide a source of comfort and strength as you work towards emotional well-being.

Release Repressed Emotions:

Explore healthy outlets for releasing repressed anger and pent-up emotions, such as physical exercise, expressive arts therapy, or engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment.

A Blueprint for a Fulfilling Life

As you embark on your journey to healing, envision the life you desire—one characterized by resilience, authenticity, and emotional well-being.

Cultivate practices that nourish your soul and align with your values, whether it’s pursuing meaningful hobbies, setting boundaries to protect your emotional health, or embracing opportunities for personal growth and self-discovery.

Remember that healing is not a linear process, and it’s okay to seek support and guidance along the way.

With time, patience, and a commitment to self-care, you can break free from the chains of childhood trauma and embrace a life filled with positivity, resilience, and inner peace.

Childhood trauma casts a long shadow, but it does not have to define your future.

By acknowledging the pain, seeking support, and embracing practices that foster healing and emotional well-being, you can break free from the cycle of negativity and create a life that is rich in fulfillment, joy, and authenticity.

Remember, you are worthy of love, healing, and happiness—today and always.

imagecredit:PeetalyStudio

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Relationships

Healing

By 60plus&lovinglife August 24, 2023 0

As I reflect on what it takes to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, I am mindful to let you know that this is my personal journey, based on my lived experiences. Your experiences will differ, however there will be points of commonality and synchronicity and some of what I write about may resonate with you.

Healing from anything takes time, healing from trauma takes time. Some days you will feel fine and the world will be a glorious place. Other days you reflect on what you went through and feel sad. Healing is not borne from and does not dwell in anger or bitterness, rather it comes from a place of love and light and a genuine desire to heal the wounds within.

Although I do have every right to be angry and to express anger – no-one should be telling you that you can’t be angry at being mistreated. It is healthy to acknowledge anger and to deal with it in appropriate ways. Being with a narcissist, especially for several years, is a rollercoaster of trauma and takes some processing from which to recover and move on.

The constant walking on eggshells, the constant keeping the peace so they don’t go into a tantrum and scream at you. The constant emotional torture, warm and kind for a brief while, then cold, distant and remote and ignoring you, even when you are seated or laying right next to them is cruelty. You never know which one they will be on any given day.

The constant emotional manipulation, the (not so subtle) put-downs. Trying to navigate that terrain is both exhausting and emotionally debilitating. You come out the other side relieved and feeling like you escaped and you feel grateful every single day that that person is no longer in your life bringing you pain and grief.

They always play the victim, they will tell you every ex was a “psycho” – until you realise that they were the ones who destroyed their past partners. Narcissists are incapable of having a warm, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship. There is something seriously lacking in their psyche. They are emotionally cold, they feel that they are superior to everyone around them and that they are always right.

If you unmask them, they will unleash a fury that is astonishing to behold. They will lash out in a frenzy and you need to make sure you dance away out of their reach!

Coming to terms with all of this is a convoluted journey. It’s not a linear path, there are twists and turns and some dead ends. You just keep moving forwards and looking after yourself, nurturing yourself, surrounding yourself with love and light and most of all be kind to yourself. You have been hurt deeply and you need to heal that hurt and gently put yourself back together again.

I do not dwell in anger and I certainly harbour no bitterness. You see, if you mire yourself in anger and bitterness, they have won. They have emotionally destroyed you. Do not let them. Feel your anger, deal with it the best way you know how and move on.

Talk with family and friends if they are supportive and understanding, if not seek professional help if you can afford it. If all else fails read everything you can get your hands on about how to recover from emotional abuse. Some of it will be helpful, some not so much. But for sure, it will give you a path to healing and recovery, it’s up to you to take that path as complex as it may be and feel.

I absolutely have the right to acknowledge and explore my feelings and to share them with you – perhaps I have touched on something in your life that causes you grief or pain. Perhaps I have given you pause to reflect upon your relationship, do you recognise yourself in my words?

Do you know a loved one or friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship? Can you reach out to them? If they come to you, just listen – don’t try to solve it for them, just listen and be there. Often that is all that is needed, for now.

Writing is cathartic. It is an avenue for exploration and understanding. It allows me to reflect, to work through the knots of trauma, to gently untangle those knots and allow them to drift away in the breeze.

My healing journey belongs to me and no-one can take that away from me. How I choose to heal is the right way for me, how you choose to heal is the right way for you❤️

mainimagecredit:AI_Wagner

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random thoughts...

Wear what you want to wear!

By 60plus&lovinglife March 1, 2023 0

Seriously! Wear what makes you happy!

Story time:

I had a partner once who hated when women wore black. He said it was a “nothing” colour and looked terrible on women and that he did not want to see me wearing black. Well ok then, not sure that anyone particularly cared for his fashion statement.

Oh well, my LBD (little black dress) then spent a few years in the back of the wardrobe!

I did realize that this was a little controlling, however I felt it worth a minor wardrobe change for the sake of the relationship. Although, I never told him what he could or could not wear!

Anyway, a little history on the LBD “The little black dress is iconic. When it first entered the style consciousness in 1926 it democratized fashion. It’s short length and simplicity meant that any woman could afford to be chic.” Read more about the evolution of the LBD here.

Audrey Hepburn made the LBD the most iconic and elegant fashion statement with her Givenchy LBD in the film Breakfast at Tiffany’s. More on that can be found here.

This is Audrey in her fabulous LBD! I defy anyone to say she does not look chic, elegant and beautiful…

So my lovely friends. Do. Not. Let. Anyone. Tell. You. What. To. Wear! Ever!

It’s controlling and also kinda ridiculous.

Here’s a pic of me in one of my dance ensembles…. I think I look cute and I got massive amounts of compliments at dance classes!

Be yourself always!

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Tag Archives unhealthy relationships

Seriously! Wear what makes you happy!