Tag Archives narcissistic personality disorder

Unveiling the Veil of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Unmasking Manipulation and Gaslighting

In the intricate realm of human psychology, few personalities are as perplexing and detrimental as those encompassing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Behind the façade of charisma and charm, narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over their unsuspecting partners. It’s a tangled web of emotions, deception, and power dynamics that can leave the partner questioning their own reality.

Gaslighting is the manipulation tactic through which a narcissist distorts reality, making their partner doubt their perceptions and memories.

This psychological warfare serves to exert control over the partner’s emotions and actions, allowing the narcissist to maintain dominance in the relationship.

The Veil of Victimhood: Unraveling the Narcissist’s Web

One of the most unsettling traits of narcissists is their uncanny ability to portray themselves as the victims, even in situations where they are the aggressors. This psychological flip-flop, combined with gaslighting tactics, creates a skewed reality that can leave partners feeling disoriented and doubting their own sanity.

As the partner tries to shine the light of truth upon the narcissist’s behavior, the narcissist becomes increasingly agitated, often resorting to aggressive defenses to protect their fragile self-image.

Numerous studies have delved into the deceptive tactics employed by narcissists within relationships. According to a study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” (Smith et al., 2019), narcissists are adept at portraying themselves as victims, even when they are the instigators of conflict.

This manipulation is rooted in their desire to preserve their inflated self-image while undermining their partner’s sense of reality.

The Fear of Exposure: Unmasking the Truth

Perhaps the deepest fear that drives a narcissist’s manipulative behavior is the possibility of anyone discovering the truth about their actions and the darkness that lurks within.

Their identity is intricately woven with an illusion of perfection, and any chink in this armor threatens to unravel their carefully constructed façade. It’s this fear that propels them to weave intricate webs of deceit, convincing themselves that their version of events is indeed the reality.

A research paper published in “Personality and Individual Differences” (Miller et al., 2018) delves into the underlying fear that drives a narcissist’s manipulation: the fear of being exposed.

Narcissists are acutely aware of the chasm between their self-proclaimed greatness and their true behavior.

The study suggests that this fear is a driving force behind their efforts to deceive and manipulate, as they desperately attempt to shield their constructed persona from crumbling under scrutiny.

Tales of Deceit: The Narcissist’s Relationship with Truth

Lies become a tool for narcissists, a means to an end to protect their self-image and manipulate others. Their relationship with the truth is often tenuous at best, as they bend and twist facts to fit their narrative.

Partners of narcissists are often left bewildered as they encounter a partner who can effortlessly fabricate stories, deny blatant actions, and twist events to suit their own agenda.

A comprehensive review in the “Journal of Abnormal Psychology” (Campbell & Foster, 2021) sheds light on the narcissist’s loose relationship with the truth.

The study reveals that narcissists often engage in lying and fabricating stories to maintain their self-image. This manipulation of reality further complicates their partners’ perception of truth, leading to a cycle of confusion and emotional turmoil

7 Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  1. Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance: A narcissist believes they are exceptional and demands excessive admiration.
  2. Lack of Empathy: They struggle to understand or relate to others’ feelings and needs.
  3. Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and may exploit others to achieve their desires.
  4. Constant Need for Attention: They crave constant attention and will go to great lengths to obtain it.
  5. Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissists use manipulation and gaslighting tactics to control and confuse their partners.
  6. Shifting the Blame: They often portray themselves as victims and deflect blame onto others.
  7. Jealousy and Envy: Narcissists harbor envy and resentment toward others’ successes and may belittle or undermine them.

Navigating Narcissistic Relationships: Guarding Your Heart

If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you untangle the web of manipulation and gaslighting. Remember that you deserve a healthy and nurturing relationship, free from emotional abuse.

Unmasking the true nature of a narcissist can be a daunting journey, but it’s essential to protect your own reality and regain control of your life. By recognizing the signs of narcissistic personality disorder and acknowledging the manipulative tactics they employ, you can break free from their emotional grip and embark on a path toward healing and self-discovery.

image credit:federicoerra

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flying monkeys & other bullies…

Hello my loyal readers🥰

I hope you’re having a wonderful week. Isn’t it glorious when you are surrounded by peaceful, calm and loving people? Life is beautiful ❤️I am so blessed and feeling full of love and gratitude. My life is going well, my health is improving, my relationship is loving and I am so lucky we found each other!

Unfortunately, some folk just can’t let go and keep on being bullies! It is a sad reflection on them and I would like to send them healing vibes. Blessings be upon them and may they find it within their hearts to be kinder and more decent humans.

An earlier blog post was in response to hateful comments I have received, which of course led to another nasty response. Big surprise there (not)😂

They do not give their name and always use a fake email address – but they do name people, so I make sure I do not publish their comments for privacy & confidentiality reasons.

The anonymity and fake email addresses are cowardly. Put your name to your comments and stop hiding behind your keyboard! Stop lurking behind the shadows and come out into the light little flying monkey – I know who you are!🐒

In addition, there is one of my exes who always uses his real name and email address and his comments are wild! Again, I won’t publish them as they are hateful & full of unhinged vitriol  – but I have kept them and shown them to the people I love and who care about me.

I shall address the latest flying monkey comment here:

My blog is written from my lived experience. It does not relate to any one person, it flows from experiences I have had throughout my life.

Your attributing them to one person is baffling. You are commenting on matters to which you were not privy and therefore you do not know what you are talking about.

You then made an obscure reference about a conversation I was having with a friend in the ladies bathroom one time which I wrote about in another blog post (well done for being a loyal reader!). However, you forgot to mention that the conversation related to my cancer diagnosis.

The “unwanted” interaction in the bathroom was from a few months ago. It was from a lady who came out of one of the stalls and decided it was ok to tell me what I should do about having cancer – here’s the link to the blog post where I talk about the incident.

As well meaning as some people are, it really is not helpful getting advice from all and sundry when you are dealing with cancer. Trust me, I’ve had some weird and wacky suggestions!

I prefer to take my advice from my specialists and treatment team.

Anyway, before you put your fingers to your keyboard again to send me yet another (unwanted and unwarranted) piece of diatribe, get your facts straight. Better yet, shut up and go away!🐒

Peace and love y’all✌️

 

main image credit:ElvireStudio

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It’s been a hot minute!

Hey everyone – hope all is well in your corner of the world…

I’ve been a bit distracted lately with the ole breast cancer (getting better and thanks for asking!) I’ve got radiation coming up in a couple of weeks. But I’m happy to say that the Oncologist has advised me that they got the tumor completely out with healthy margins and one sketchy lymph node (and they took 5 jic!) and she actually used the word “cured” and that was good to hear! Unlikely to come back, but I will need hormone blockers for 5 – 10 years as it was estrogen (oestrogen) sensitive.

Then on top of that I came down with Covid (second time, first time was last July).

I was starting to think the universe was just plain messing with me!

I’ve had the last couple of days off work – I’m symptomatic and don’t want to spread Covid to workmates or other folk I come in contact with…

And as you do, I’ve been at a bit of a loss. Felt a bit too ill and brain foggy to write a blog post. Couldn’t even read my book yesterday (and anyone that knows me, knows I am a total book-worm, so if I can’t focus to read – I must be unwell!). So I’ve been doing Insta, TikTok and FB scrolling for entertainment, until my head hurt too much and I had to stop and have another nap or three!

The above image came across my feed and literally made me laugh and almost spit out my morning coffee! Talk about accurate!!

I mentioned in an earlier post about a previous r/ship I was in whereby the man involved was a narcissistic, gaslighting, manipulative, lying and cheating scumbag (well probably more than one post, but hey!). The one I am referring to is this one here – feel free to have a quick read, then come back. I’ll be waiting for you.

So, suffice to say that the above image really resonated with me. It’s a tactic of toxic people to make you think you are the problem. They sound convincing, but you know in your heart and soul that it is just not true what they are saying.

Trust yourself, believe in your gut instincts. Do not be manipulated. Run.

This man and his entire family were toxic. The way that they spoke to each other was absolutely appalling. He would show me messages from members of his family where they were either abusing him in the most disgusting and degrading manner or abusing each other. It was the most ugly behaviour I have ever had the misfortune to come across in my entire life. Seriously, nothing comes close. Nothing!

not my circus not my monkeys

 

 

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How to stop a narcissist in their tracks!

Disengage. Ignore. Give them no oxygen. 

According to the Mayo Clinic: “Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others.”(Mayo Clinic )

If you ever have the misfortune of being involved with such a person. Run.

Things to look out for that indicate this type of personality – some of these I know from personal experience interacting with such personalities, other indicators come from well-regarded research:

  1. They have an unreasonably high sense of self-importance and require constant, excessive admiration (Mayo Clinic);
  2. Controlling behaviour (trying to tell you what to wear or what not to wear, isolating you from friends and/or family);
  3. Consider themselves superior to everyone around them;
  4. Manipulative behaviour. “when a person uses controlling and harmful behaviors to avoid responsibility, conceal their true intentions, or cause doubt and confusion. Manipulation tactics, such as gaslighting, lying, blaming, criticizing, and shaming, can be incredibly damaging to a person’s psychological well-being” Very Well Health
  5. Throw temper tantrums to get their own way;
  6. Self aggrandizement – make themselves sound important, even when they are not;
  7. Be critical of everyone else;
  8. Take advantage of other people;
  9. Lie to get what they want – literally, they will lie about anything to get their own way;
  10. Belittle other people to make themselves feel superior (Mayo Clinic)

Often narcissists suffer crippling low self-esteem (even when aiming to appear superior), they are riddled with insecurities and often self-loathing.

They have secret feelings of insecurity, shame, humiliation and fear of being exposed as a failure. (Mayo Clinic)

There is a common misconception that narcissists target weaker personalities in order to control and damage them. However, a narcissist will often target intelligent and emotionally strong people, they see it as a challenge. If they can control, subdue and damage the self-esteem of a strong person, then the narcissist feels better about themselves. As if they have confirmed their perceived “superiority.”

These people need treatment, yet they are unlikely to recognize their own behaviour. They lack insight and self-awareness and they blame everyone else for their problems, they try to make themselves out to be the victim. Literally. They never acknowledge that they may be in the wrong and they never apologize for poor behaviour.

On a final note, this is what the Mayo Clinic has to say:

“People with narcissistic personality disorder may not want to think that anything could be wrong, so they usually don’t seek treatment. If they do seek treatment, it’s more likely to be for symptoms of depression, drug or alcohol misuse, or another mental health problem. What they view as insults to self-esteem may make it difficult to accept and follow through with treatment.”

That is really sad. Sad for the narcissist as they desperately need treatment and, in spite of their damaging behaviour, they are often depressed, moody and unhappy and suffer lifelong misery. Sad for the people that unfortunately get entangled with a narcissist as they will be emotionally damaged by the encounter.

Unless you are particularly mentally strong, recognize the behaviour and take action to keep yourself safe. Run. Run and don’t look back. Disengage. Ignore. Give them no oxygen.

compulsive liar traits

 

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