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Dancing in Love: Breaking Free from Walking on Eggshells
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Dancing in Love: Breaking Free from Walking on Eggshells

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Love, they say, is like dancing to your favorite song, where every step feels harmonious and free. It’s a rhythm that resonates deep within, igniting joy, warmth, and a sense of security.

But sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships where the dance turns into a delicate balancing act—a constant tiptoeing on eggshells to keep the peace.

I’ve walked that tightrope before, where every word and action had to be carefully measured to avoid setting off an unpredictable storm of anger and retribution. It was a relationship that left me feeling trapped, unheard, and unloved.

In one of my previous relationships, I often felt like a prisoner of my own emotions. I had to suppress my thoughts and feelings, fearing the repercussions of expressing myself honestly.

Walking on eggshells became the norm, and the weight of that constant vigilance left me emotionally drained and disconnected.

No one should ever have to feel they have to walk on eggshells in a relationship. Love should be a sanctuary, a place where you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or punishment. It should inspire growth, trust, and open communication.

It is possible to find love that embraces vulnerability, where we can share our hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities without judgment or reprisal. It’s a love that encourages us to be the best versions of ourselves.

Love is not about being controlled or manipulated. It’s about lifting each other up, celebrating our individuality, and nurturing a connection based on respect, trust, and genuine care. It’s about feeling safe to express ourselves and knowing that our partner will genuinely listen to and support us.

I’ve learned that a loving relationship should never be about keeping the peace at the cost of one’s own happiness. It should be about fostering an environment where both partners can flourish, express themselves freely, and feel loved unconditionally.

Now, I dance through life with a heart full of joy and gratitude. There are no eggshells to tiptoe around, no fear of anger or retribution.

If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel the need to walk on eggshells, I want you to know that you deserve better. You have the right to seek a love that inspires dancing, not caution. Genuine love is out there, waiting for you to embrace it—a love that respects, cherishes, and celebrates the beautiful person you are.

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Karma and can there be redemption for narcissists?
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Karma and can there be redemption for narcissists?

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Have you ever felt that maybe you are someone’s karma? Hear me out. Oft times we have had toxic people in our lives and we and our loved ones say “karma” will sort them out. However, mostly you never know if it does or does not. I find that it probably does, but we will never really know. You just have to trust.

Actions and Consequences:

In the intricate dance of life, we often witness the delicate balance between actions and consequences. Narcissists, who thrive on manipulation and deceit, may find themselves facing a unique form of karma when the spotlight of truth is finally cast upon them.

Narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over others. Their actions create a tangled web of deception that can cast shadows over the lives of those they touch.

For a while, it might seem that they operate without consequences, but the truth has a way of making its presence felt, no matter how elaborate the disguise.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon them:

Imagine the moment when the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist’s carefully constructed façade. It’s a revelation that pierces through the layers of deceit, exposing the darkness that has been hidden in plain sight. This moment can be powerful and transformative, both for the narcissist and for those who have been affected by their actions.

My lived experience with a toxic narcissist:

Was possibly one of the most unpleasant and destructive situations I have had the misfortune to find myself within. They choose their targets well. People often think they only seek out the “weak”. However, this is not the case. Often they target someone who is intelligent as that presents more of a challenge for them.

At times I literally felt he was the devil and I would get chills at his callous words and behaviour. He made a point of appearing to be clean-cut and to all intents and purposes disguised as a decent human. He looked like he was ready to step into church services on any day of the week, but it was all just a façade to mask the evil within.

Imagecredit:Inkthinker

But below that neat and tidy, yet false demeanor, lurked a cold and hateful heart. Often I would feel emotionally detached after being the target of his scathing words and actions. The destructive behaviour of a narcissist leaves you reeling, you literally don’t know which way is up by the time they are done tormenting you.

When you speak your truth and they recognize themselves in your words:

When faced with the unrelenting gaze of truth, a narcissist’s world can unravel. The façade they so carefully cultivated begins to crumble, revealing the emptiness beneath. This moment can be both humbling and enlightening.

For the first time, they confront the consequences of their actions and the pain they’ve inflicted on others. It’s a karma of their own making, a mirror reflecting back the reality they’ve tried so hard to deny.

a quote on Karma will catch up
imagecredit:sitaramsatu

As the spotlight of truth exposes the narcissist’s actions, it also offers an opportunity for growth and change. Some may resist, retreating further into denial. Others might experience a moment of clarity, recognizing the destructive path they’ve followed.

It’s a pivotal moment that can lead to a crossroads of transformation, where they can choose to confront their flaws and embark on a journey of self-improvement.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist, it’s not about reveling in their downfall, but about accountability and growth. The karma they face is a reflection of the energy they’ve put out into the world.

Whether they choose to remain in denial or take the path of redemption, the exposure of truth serves as a reminder that actions have consequences, and the choices we make shape the journey of our lives.

For those who have been hurt by a narcissist’s actions, the spotlight of truth can bring a sense of validation and closure. It’s a chance to reclaim their own narrative and heal from the wounds inflicted by deceit.

While karma doesn’t always manifest as instant retribution, the exposure of truth can be a step towards restoring balance and justice.

p.s. Dear Narcissist, thank you for giving me so much to write about, I am very grateful😁I’ll bet you never expected your legacy would be to help so many women deal with toxic relationships via my writing & my blog! Inadvertently you have done us all a service. Peace out man✌️

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Healing
Relationships

Healing

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As I reflect on what it takes to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, I am mindful to let you know that this is my personal journey, based on my lived experiences. Your experiences will differ, however there will be points of commonality and synchronicity and some of what I write about may resonate with you.

Healing from anything takes time, healing from trauma takes time. Some days you will feel fine and the world will be a glorious place. Other days you reflect on what you went through and feel sad. Healing is not borne from and does not dwell in anger or bitterness, rather it comes from a place of love and light and a genuine desire to heal the wounds within.

Although I do have every right to be angry and to express anger – no-one should be telling you that you can’t be angry at being mistreated. It is healthy to acknowledge anger and to deal with it in appropriate ways. Being with a narcissist, especially for several years, is a rollercoaster of trauma and takes some processing from which to recover and move on.

The constant walking on eggshells, the constant keeping the peace so they don’t go into a tantrum and scream at you. The constant emotional torture, warm and kind for a brief while, then cold, distant and remote and ignoring you, even when you are seated or laying right next to them is cruelty. You never know which one they will be on any given day.

The constant emotional manipulation, the (not so subtle) put-downs. Trying to navigate that terrain is both exhausting and emotionally debilitating. You come out the other side relieved and feeling like you escaped and you feel grateful every single day that that person is no longer in your life bringing you pain and grief.

They always play the victim, they will tell you every ex was a “psycho” – until you realise that they were the ones who destroyed their past partners. Narcissists are incapable of having a warm, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship. There is something seriously lacking in their psyche. They are emotionally cold, they feel that they are superior to everyone around them and that they are always right.

crazy ex comment

If you unmask them, they will unleash a fury that is astonishing to behold. They will lash out in a frenzy and you need to make sure you dance away out of their reach!

comment on unmasking a narcissist

Coming to terms with all of this is a convoluted journey. It’s not a linear path, there are twists and turns and some dead ends. You just keep moving forwards and looking after yourself, nurturing yourself, surrounding yourself with love and light and most of all be kind to yourself. You have been hurt deeply and you need to heal that hurt and gently put yourself back together again.

I do not dwell in anger and I certainly harbour no bitterness. You see, if you mire yourself in anger and bitterness, they have won. They have emotionally destroyed you. Do not let them. Feel your anger, deal with it the best way you know how and move on.

Talk with family and friends if they are supportive and understanding, if not seek professional help if you can afford it. If all else fails read everything you can get your hands on about how to recover from emotional abuse. Some of it will be helpful, some not so much. But for sure, it will give you a path to healing and recovery, it’s up to you to take that path as complex as it may be and feel.

I absolutely have the right to acknowledge and explore my feelings and to share them with you – perhaps I have touched on something in your life that causes you grief or pain. Perhaps I have given you pause to reflect upon your relationship, do you recognise yourself in my words?

Do you know a loved one or friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship? Can you reach out to them? If they come to you, just listen – don’t try to solve it for them, just listen and be there. Often that is all that is needed, for now.

Writing is cathartic. It is an avenue for exploration and understanding. It allows me to reflect, to work through the knots of trauma, to gently untangle those knots and allow them to drift away in the breeze.

My healing journey belongs to me and no-one can take that away from me. How I choose to heal is the right way for me, how you choose to heal is the right way for you❤️

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I’m sweet, I’m fine, I’m having a really good time!
Relationships

I’m sweet, I’m fine, I’m having a really good time!

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Quick note to any pesky-exes (& their flying monkeys) stalking my blog:

I’m good, thanks for asking😊

I write to encourage women and men to leave emotionally abusive relationships.

My reach is around 65,ooo (just checked my metrics).

The overall vibe is supportive and encouraging of all the topics I write about.

The nasty-ass and bullying comments from you and your minion are laughable.

Surely you have better things to do with your life than stalk my blog and leave dumb-ass comments!

Move on and get yourself gone!🤡

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Escaping the Emotional Zombie and Embracing Love!
Relationships

Escaping the Emotional Zombie and Embracing Love!

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Hey there, warriors of wit and wisdom!

Picture this: me, your quirky narrator, dancing out of an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist like a liberated flamingo on a tropical island. And guess what? I then found myself prancing into the warm embrace of a caring and loving man who might as well be a cuddly teddy bear – the difference could not be greater, literally polar opposites!

Oh, the exhilaration of it all! Buckle up, because we’re about to embark on a rollercoaster of emotions, liberating laughter, and maybe even a few sassy dance moves!

I feel so free and light-hearted, happy, and content.

Ah, yes, being with a narcissist is like a journey through the twilight zone. It’s like they sucked the life out of every conversation, leaving me feeling utterly confounded! But fret not, dear readers! I navigated the murky waters of gaslighting and emotional manipulation with the grace of a cat walking on a tightrope.

image of a cat and a squiggly line on a black background
imagecredit:elifatayteam

Embracing the Light:

Oh, the day I broke free! It was like stepping into the dazzling sunshine after what felt like a lifetime of gloomy skies. The sheer joy of not having to deal with constant drama and walking on eggshells? Absolutely priceless! I did a victory dance that could rival any dance-off on TV.

Trust the GPS of Your Gut:

When you exit an emotionally abusive relationship, you might wonder if you’ll ever find someone who treats you like the treasure you are. Fear not, fellow adventurers! The GPS of your gut knows the way. Trust that inner voice, even if it sounds like your quirky aunt with a crystal ball. Moving on is the right thing to do, and your heart knows it.

Stay Strong, Stay Sassy:

In this world of uncertainty and emotional minefields, it’s essential to stay strong and sassy like a wise-cracking superhero. You are worthy of love, respect, and a partner who sees you for the amazing human you are. So, put on your metaphorical superhero cape and take charge of your destiny.

Humour: The Master Potion:

My friends, humour is the magic potion that helps us survive the ridiculousness of life. Laugh at the absurdity of your past experiences with your toxic ex, like an inside joke only you and the universe share. A witty quip is like a shield against negativity, so unleash your arsenal of humour and watch the toxic vibes bounce off like rubber balls.

I want you to know that there is a world of love, joy, and genuine care waiting for you too. Escape the clutches of the emotional zombie, embrace the love you deserve, and dance like nobody’s watching.

Stay strong, be brave, and trust that moving on is the ultimate key to unlock the door to your happily-ever-after.

Now, go forth, my sassy squad of readers, and create your own stories of liberation and love. You’ve got the spirit of a warrior and the humour of a stand-up comedian. So, celebrate your journey with a wink and a smile, for you are now the master of your destiny!😉

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I have a voice and I am loved!
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I have a voice and I am loved!

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The Strength Within: Overcoming Toxicity and Refusing to Be Silenced

In life, we encounter individuals who may try to stifle our voices, dampen our spirits, and diminish our sense of self-worth. Yet, amidst these challenges, we discover our inner strength and the unwavering support of loved ones.

In today’s post, I share my journey of facing two toxic people who aimed to silence me, but with the love and support of my family and friends, I found the courage to stand tall and refuse to be silenced.

Confronting Toxicity

In the depths of my journey, I found myself face-to-face with two toxic individuals determined to undermine my voice. Their words and actions aimed to erode my self-confidence and make me doubt my own worth. However, it has not worked, they have failed in their quest to bully me into silence.

The Strength Within

Amidst the darkness, I discovered a wellspring of strength deep within me. I realized that my voice held power, and I refused to let it be silenced. I embraced my uniqueness, my thoughts, and my dreams. I recognized that my perspective mattered, and that my words had the potential to inspire, uplift, and make a difference.

The Power of Support

Surrounded by a loving and supportive network of family and friends, I found solace and encouragement. Their unwavering belief in me became a shield against the negativity of those who sought to silence me.

With their support, I began to rebuild my confidence and regain my voice. Their presence reminded me that I was not alone in my struggles and that I possessed the strength to overcome any obstacle.

Rising Above

As I embraced my inner strength with the support of my loved ones, I started to rise above the toxicity. I refused to internalize the negative narratives imposed upon me and instead focused on my own growth and self-expression.

I channelled my energy into my passions, dreams, and creative endeavours, finding solace in the joy they brought me. Each step forward was a testament to my resilience and determination.

Unsilenced and Empowered

Today, I stand tall, my voice resounding with authenticity and unwavering conviction. I have reclaimed my power, refusing to let the toxic individuals silence me. Their attempts appear endless, their constant emotional abuse is relentless, but I continue to rise above it.

And I am surrounded by a loving support system that empowers me to continue speaking my truth and embracing the limitless potential that lies within me.

While encountering toxic individuals who aim to silence us can be disheartening, we possess the strength to rise above their negativity. With the support of our loved ones, we find the courage to reclaim our voices, refusing to be silenced.

Embracing our authenticity and nurturing our self-worth, we emerge from these trials stronger and more resilient than ever before. Remember, your voice matters, and the world deserves to hear your unique perspective.

So, stand tall, let your voice be heard, and shine brightly in the face of adversity.

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Healing, healthy, happy…
Relationships

Healing, healthy, happy…

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Hello, lovely readers!

After years of dealing with partners who were emotionally unavailable, controlling, or downright abusive, I now have incredibly strong boundaries and I will not accept less than respect – that goes both ways!

But let me be clear, healing from toxic relationships is not an easy process. It takes time, self-reflection, and a willingness to confront the pain and trauma that has been inflicted upon us.

For me, the healing process began by recognizing the patterns of behavior that were present in my previous relationships. I had to take a hard look at myself and acknowledge the ways in which I had contributed to these toxic dynamics, whether it was by enabling my partner’s abusive behavior or by suppressing my own needs and desires in order to keep the peace.

Once I had gained this awareness, I began to set healthy boundaries and prioritize my own well-being. This meant cutting ties with people who were toxic or who did not have my best interests at heart and learning to say “no” to situations that did not align with my values or needs.

It has been a difficult and painful journey, but one that was ultimately worth it.

So, if you’re currently healing from a toxic relationship, know that it is possible to move on and find love again. But it requires doing the hard work of self-reflection and prioritizing your own well-being. Trust yourself and your instincts, and don’t settle for anything less than a partner who treats you with love and respect. It’s never too late.

Until next time, keep loving life and moving forward towards the healthy and fulfilling relationships you deserve.

image credit: @espiritu iluminado

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It’s been a hot minute!
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It’s been a hot minute!

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Hey everyone – hope all is well in your corner of the world…

I’ve been a bit distracted lately with the ole breast cancer (getting better and thanks for asking!) I’ve got radiation coming up in a couple of weeks. But I’m happy to say that the Oncologist has advised me that they got the tumor completely out with healthy margins and one sketchy lymph node (and they took 5 jic!) and she actually used the word “cured” and that was good to hear! Unlikely to come back, but I will need hormone blockers for 5 – 10 years as it was estrogen (oestrogen) sensitive.

Then on top of that I came down with Covid (second time, first time was last July).

I was starting to think the universe was just plain messing with me!

I’ve had the last couple of days off work – I’m symptomatic and don’t want to spread Covid to workmates or other folk I come in contact with…

And as you do, I’ve been at a bit of a loss. Felt a bit too ill and brain foggy to write a blog post. Couldn’t even read my book yesterday (and anyone that knows me, knows I am a total book-worm, so if I can’t focus to read – I must be unwell!). So I’ve been doing Insta, TikTok and FB scrolling for entertainment, until my head hurt too much and I had to stop and have another nap or three!

The above image came across my feed and literally made me laugh and almost spit out my morning coffee! Talk about accurate!!

I mentioned in an earlier post about a previous r/ship I was in whereby the man involved was a narcissistic, gaslighting, manipulative, lying and cheating scumbag (well probably more than one post, but hey!). The one I am referring to is this one here – feel free to have a quick read, then come back. I’ll be waiting for you.

So, suffice to say that the above image really resonated with me. It’s a tactic of toxic people to make you think you are the problem. They sound convincing, but you know in your heart and soul that it is just not true what they are saying.

Trust yourself, believe in your gut instincts. Do not be manipulated. Run.

This man and his entire family were toxic. The way that they spoke to each other was absolutely appalling. He would show me messages from members of his family where they were either abusing him in the most disgusting and degrading manner or abusing each other. It was the most ugly behaviour I have ever had the misfortune to come across in my entire life. Seriously, nothing comes close. Nothing!

not my circus not my monkeys

 

 

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Be the lighthouse!
Relationships

Be the lighthouse!

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I was out for an 8km walk today, the day after my surgery (more on that in my next post and yes my surgeon said I can walk for miles!).

Whilst out walking (and when I go for my runs) is when I do my best thinking. My mind is clear and open to thoughts and ideas and I was composing this post as I was walking by the foreshore.

I’ve often said to people that I cannot understand why people that have suffered hurt or trauma in their lives inflict it on other people in their lives. It really has baffled me.

I have had hurt and trauma inflicted upon me, including childhood abuse and a couple of seriously toxic relationships as an adult.

However, I make it my life’s effort never to knowingly hurt another human being and if I do so unintentionally I will always own it and give a heartfelt apology and make amends. I choose to be this way as I know what it is to feel emotional pain and I do not want anyone else to feel that pain at my expense.

Unfortunately, I have had a couple of emotionally unhealthy relationships. One was with the MOST narcissistic, toxic man I have ever had the misfortune to come across.

I am no victim. I do not enter relationships with the aim of changing or fixing the other person. However, I have built an enormous tolerance for emotional pain and that has not held me in good stead for looking after my emotional well-being when I have connected with an emotionally abusive man.

I recently came across a life-coach who said the following which really resonated with me:

“There is a saying that is very true, but multiple things can be true at once…hurt people do hurt people. That’s a fact. I’ve felt that, I’m sure you have. But you want to know what else is a fact? That genuine people hold space for others. Safe people that worked really hard to become so safe with themselves and others. They shelter those who do not feel safe. Lighthouses, people who are lighthouses, I’m sure you’ve found one before in your life, I know I have. I am absolutely a lighthouse and I love being one. Lighthouses shine light for others. I hope that this helps shift your perspective, because although hurt people do hurt people, you can become shelter for those who need it.”

@heather.powell.coaching

So there you have it. The puzzle for me is no longer a puzzle. Be a lighthouse. I know I am. I have also found my lighthouse. A man who genuinely cares about the safe space he has in my life and I in his. A man who wishes to cause no harm to me and is the shelter for me as I am for him.

Image credit: @Ravenwolf

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Coercive Control
Relationships

Coercive Control

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As I sit down to write this blog post, I am filled with a sense of sadness and frustration. Coercive control is a serious issue that affects countless individuals – particularly women – in their relationships. It is a form of abuse that can be difficult to identify and escape from, and it’s a topic that deserves our attention and discussion.

Coercive control involves using a combination of tactics to manipulate and intimidate a partner into submission. These tactics can include emotional manipulation, financial control, physical violence, and threats of harm to oneself or others. The abuser seeks to exert complete domination over their partner, often isolating them from family and friends and controlling every aspect of their life.

This type of abuse is insidious because it often occurs gradually over time, making it difficult for the victim to recognize what is happening. The abuser may use subtle language or behaviors that make the victim feel guilty, powerless, or worthless. Eventually, the victim may begin to doubt their own thoughts and emotions, thinking that they are the problem.

But let me tell you something: you are not the problem. No one deserves to be treated in such a way. Coercive control is a form of domestic violence, and there are resources available to help you escape it.

If you or someone you know is experiencing coercive control, there are steps you can take. Seek out the support of trusted family and friends, or consider reaching out to a domestic violence hotline or organization. They can provide resources and guidance on how to safely leave the relationship and start rebuilding your life.

Remember that coercive control is a serious issue that requires attention and action. No one deserves to live in fear or be controlled by someone else. It’s never too late to seek help and break free from the cycle of abuse.

As we continue to navigate through the challenges of life, let us be mindful of those around us. Let us offer ourselves as support systems for anyone who may be experiencing coercive control. Let us listen without judgment and offer guidance where we can. And above all, let us never forget that we are all worthy of love and respect – no matter what.

Disclaimer: This blog post is not about any one individual. It is written about a topical issue that impacts many women and to empower women in their lives.

Image credit: Creative Chand

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