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I have a voice and I am loved!

The Strength Within: Overcoming Toxicity and Refusing to Be Silenced

In life, we encounter individuals who may try to stifle our voices, dampen our spirits, and diminish our sense of self-worth. Yet, amidst these challenges, we discover our inner strength and the unwavering support of loved ones.

In today’s post, I share my journey of facing two toxic people who aimed to silence me, but with the love and support of my family and friends, I found the courage to stand tall and refuse to be silenced.

Confronting Toxicity

In the depths of my journey, I found myself face-to-face with two toxic individuals determined to undermine my voice. Their words and actions aimed to erode my self-confidence and make me doubt my own worth. However, it has not worked, they have failed in their quest to bully me into silence.

The Strength Within

Amidst the darkness, I discovered a wellspring of strength deep within me. I realized that my voice held power, and I refused to let it be silenced. I embraced my uniqueness, my thoughts, and my dreams. I recognized that my perspective mattered, and that my words had the potential to inspire, uplift, and make a difference.

The Power of Support

Surrounded by a loving and supportive network of family and friends, I found solace and encouragement. Their unwavering belief in me became a shield against the negativity of those who sought to silence me.

With their support, I began to rebuild my confidence and regain my voice. Their presence reminded me that I was not alone in my struggles and that I possessed the strength to overcome any obstacle.

Rising Above

As I embraced my inner strength with the support of my loved ones, I started to rise above the toxicity. I refused to internalize the negative narratives imposed upon me and instead focused on my own growth and self-expression.

I channelled my energy into my passions, dreams, and creative endeavours, finding solace in the joy they brought me. Each step forward was a testament to my resilience and determination.

Unsilenced and Empowered

Today, I stand tall, my voice resounding with authenticity and unwavering conviction. I have reclaimed my power, refusing to let the toxic individuals silence me. Their attempts appear endless, their constant emotional abuse is relentless, but I continue to rise above it.

And I am surrounded by a loving support system that empowers me to continue speaking my truth and embracing the limitless potential that lies within me.

While encountering toxic individuals who aim to silence us can be disheartening, we possess the strength to rise above their negativity. With the support of our loved ones, we find the courage to reclaim our voices, refusing to be silenced.

Embracing our authenticity and nurturing our self-worth, we emerge from these trials stronger and more resilient than ever before. Remember, your voice matters, and the world deserves to hear your unique perspective.

So, stand tall, let your voice be heard, and shine brightly in the face of adversity.

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Love & Intimacy

Spoiler alert and warning. This post is about sex. There, you’ve been warned. Read on if you want, scroll by if you don’t.

Have you ever felt that your sexual needs are not being met? That your partner (or ex-partner in my case!) is prioritising their own needs over yours? That you are left lying there every time thinking “what about me?” This can happen to any of us, young or older! But it doesn’t have to be like that, trust me, it really does not!

Conversely, what is it like to meet someone with whom you are so sexually attuned that the lovemaking feels exquisite and deeply & mutually pleasurable? What is it like to be with a man who genuinely values your sexual needs and desires and who gains pleasure from your pleasure? It’s mind-blowing. Read on for two completely different experiences – these are my stories, this has happened to me. You may resonate with one or the other or both. I hope the second story is also your story – you deserve to be loved and valued!

Storytime #1 (this is the sad & bad one):

I had a partner one time (who shall remain nameless, mostly because mentioning his name makes me feel physically and psychically ill). He was THE most sexually selfish man I ever had the misfortune to meet (in retrospect all I can say is “what in the actual was I thinking?” Whilst shaking my head in puzzlement.)

Not only was he unbelievably & utterly selfish, he also used to mock and belittle me when I dared to ask if we could focus on my sexual pleasure, making me feel like there was something wrong with me for asking, the disdain in his voice was demoralizing. His standard response was a cold and callous “do it yourself.”

His favourite position was to brusquely push me over on my side with my back towards him. He literally preferred not to see my face. He also (I kid you not) told me to pretend I was asleep – aka unconscious). He literally did not want me to be engaged in the activity. This is repulsive on so many levels.

I had never in my entire life come across such a selfish, weird, and verging on creepy request. Think about it, “pretend you are asleep”. Do not move, do not make a noise, act like you are not even there. What kind of man thinks that is ok? It is dehumanizing.

Basically, I was not required to be part of things as a living, breathing woman. I could have been anyone or anything.

It all ended badly as these types of one-sided relationships do. Looking back I cannot believe I did not bail at the get-go!

Someone who discounts your humanity in the most intimate and (supposedly) loving of moments is not someone you should keep in your life. Yet pity the poor woman next in line. Because it is a never-ending line of interchangeable women with these types of selfish men.

Let’s move on shall we? This next part is to let you know that it is possible to find someone who is genuine, compassionate, caring, loving and considerate. Never give up and never put up with poor treatment! I have had great lovers too!

Storytime #2  Embracing Bliss: The Empowering Joys of Intimacy with a Caring and Loving Partner

As a woman, the journey of discovering pleasure and intimacy is a deeply personal and empowering experience. I speak from my personal perspective, however I believe that men equally are empowered by such discovery. I have had a partner who was not only loving but also considerate of my needs as I was considerate of his. This has opened the door to a world of exquisite joy and fulfillment. I want to share the joys I have experienced as a woman, embracing the profound connection and empowerment that comes with having sex with a caring and loving partner who cherishes and respects my desires.

A Safe Haven of Trust and Understanding:

Intimacy is a sacred space, it is a safe haven of trust and understanding. Having both our needs acknowledged and respected has built a foundation of trust between us, allowing both of us to surrender to the moment with ease and vulnerability. Knowing that my partner prioritizes my comfort, consent, and pleasure creates an environment where we can freely express ourselves, both physically and emotionally.

Open Communication – The Key to Mind-Blowing Pleasure:

Open communication between partners is the key to unlocking mind-blowing pleasure. Having a caring and loving partner who actively listens to my desires, ensuring that my needs are met is an absolute joy. He has the capacity to communicate his own desires as well, which fosters an environment where exploration and experimentation are welcomed. This level of open communication has not only enhanced our physical pleasure, but it has also strengthened the emotional bond between us.

Exploring the Spectrum of Sensations:

Having a caring partner who understands that our pleasure encompasses a wide spectrum of sensations is absolutely glorious! We both take the time to explore each other’s bodies, finding the touch, caress, or kiss that ignites an electrifying response and oh my goodness, does it ever!

An Intimate Connection Beyond the Physical:

The intimacy shared with a caring and loving partner extends far beyond the physicality of it all. The tender moments that follow, basking in the afterglow, are a testament to the emotional connection we have nurtured with each other. It is during this time that we share whispered words, gentle caresses, and nurturing embraces, strengthening the bond we share. This then becomes a sanctuary of love, tenderness, and emotional intimacy, a place of care, a safe haven.

Self-Discovery and Empowerment:

Through the loving and considerate touch we offer each other, we have embarked on a journey of self-discovery and empowerment. This newfound sense of agency extends beyond the bedroom, empowering both of us in all aspects of life. It reminds us that our pleasure matters, and we are deserving of love, respect, and fulfillment. Because we are and so are you!

As a woman, experiencing the joys of intimacy with a caring and loving partner who is considerate of my needs has been a transformative and empowering journey. It has taught me the value of trust, open communication, and self-discovery. It has allowed me to embrace my sensuality, celebrate my body, and find empowerment in expressing my desires.

May we all find partners who cherish, respect, and elevate our experiences, unlocking the boundless joy and fulfillment that lie within the realm of a truly caring and loving connection.

red love heart_love & intimacy is something we all need

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Healing, healthy, happy…

Hello, lovely readers!

After years of dealing with partners who were emotionally unavailable, controlling, or downright abusive, I now have incredibly strong boundaries and I will not accept less than respect – that goes both ways!

But let me be clear, healing from toxic relationships is not an easy process. It takes time, self-reflection, and a willingness to confront the pain and trauma that has been inflicted upon us.

For me, the healing process began by recognizing the patterns of behavior that were present in my previous relationships. I had to take a hard look at myself and acknowledge the ways in which I had contributed to these toxic dynamics, whether it was by enabling my partner’s abusive behavior or by suppressing my own needs and desires in order to keep the peace.

Once I had gained this awareness, I began to set healthy boundaries and prioritize my own well-being. This meant cutting ties with people who were toxic or who did not have my best interests at heart and learning to say “no” to situations that did not align with my values or needs.

It has been a difficult and painful journey, but one that was ultimately worth it.

So, if you’re currently healing from a toxic relationship, know that it is possible to move on and find love again. But it requires doing the hard work of self-reflection and prioritizing your own well-being. Trust yourself and your instincts, and don’t settle for anything less than a partner who treats you with love and respect. It’s never too late.

Until next time, keep loving life and moving forward towards the healthy and fulfilling relationships you deserve.

image credit: @espiritu iluminado

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It’s been a hot minute!

Hey everyone – hope all is well in your corner of the world…

I’ve been a bit distracted lately with the ole breast cancer (getting better and thanks for asking!) I’ve got radiation coming up in a couple of weeks. But I’m happy to say that the Oncologist has advised me that they got the tumor completely out with healthy margins and one sketchy lymph node (and they took 5 jic!) and she actually used the word “cured” and that was good to hear! Unlikely to come back, but I will need hormone blockers for 5 – 10 years as it was estrogen (oestrogen) sensitive.

Then on top of that I came down with Covid (second time, first time was last July).

I was starting to think the universe was just plain messing with me!

I’ve had the last couple of days off work – I’m symptomatic and don’t want to spread Covid to workmates or other folk I come in contact with…

And as you do, I’ve been at a bit of a loss. Felt a bit too ill and brain foggy to write a blog post. Couldn’t even read my book yesterday (and anyone that knows me, knows I am a total book-worm, so if I can’t focus to read – I must be unwell!). So I’ve been doing Insta, TikTok and FB scrolling for entertainment, until my head hurt too much and I had to stop and have another nap or three!

The above image came across my feed and literally made me laugh and almost spit out my morning coffee! Talk about accurate!!

I mentioned in an earlier post about a previous r/ship I was in whereby the man involved was a narcissistic, gaslighting, manipulative, lying and cheating scumbag (well probably more than one post, but hey!). The one I am referring to is this one here – feel free to have a quick read, then come back. I’ll be waiting for you.

So, suffice to say that the above image really resonated with me. It’s a tactic of toxic people to make you think you are the problem. They sound convincing, but you know in your heart and soul that it is just not true what they are saying.

Trust yourself, believe in your gut instincts. Do not be manipulated. Run.

This man and his entire family were toxic. The way that they spoke to each other was absolutely appalling. He would show me messages from members of his family where they were either abusing him in the most disgusting and degrading manner or abusing each other. It was the most ugly behaviour I have ever had the misfortune to come across in my entire life. Seriously, nothing comes close. Nothing!

not my circus not my monkeys

 

 

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Be the lighthouse!

I was out for an 8km walk today, the day after my surgery (more on that in my next post and yes my surgeon said I can walk for miles!).

Whilst out walking (and when I go for my runs) is when I do my best thinking. My mind is clear and open to thoughts and ideas and I was composing this post as I was walking by the foreshore.

I’ve often said to people that I cannot understand why people that have suffered hurt or trauma in their lives inflict it on other people in their lives. It really has baffled me.

I have had hurt and trauma inflicted upon me, including childhood abuse and a couple of seriously toxic relationships as an adult.

However, I make it my life’s effort never to knowingly hurt another human being and if I do so unintentionally I will always own it and give a heartfelt apology and make amends. I choose to be this way as I know what it is to feel emotional pain and I do not want anyone else to feel that pain at my expense.

Unfortunately, I have had a couple of emotionally unhealthy relationships. One was with the MOST narcissistic, toxic man I have ever had the misfortune to come across.

I am no victim. I do not enter relationships with the aim of changing or fixing the other person. However, I have built an enormous tolerance for emotional pain and that has not held me in good stead for looking after my emotional well-being when I have connected with an emotionally abusive man.

I recently came across a life-coach who said the following which really resonated with me:

“There is a saying that is very true, but multiple things can be true at once…hurt people do hurt people. That’s a fact. I’ve felt that, I’m sure you have. But you want to know what else is a fact? That genuine people hold space for others. Safe people that worked really hard to become so safe with themselves and others. They shelter those who do not feel safe. Lighthouses, people who are lighthouses, I’m sure you’ve found one before in your life, I know I have. I am absolutely a lighthouse and I love being one. Lighthouses shine light for others. I hope that this helps shift your perspective, because although hurt people do hurt people, you can become shelter for those who need it.”

@heather.powell.coaching

So there you have it. The puzzle for me is no longer a puzzle. Be a lighthouse. I know I am. I have also found my lighthouse. A man who genuinely cares about the safe space he has in my life and I in his. A man who wishes to cause no harm to me and is the shelter for me as I am for him.

Image credit: @Ravenwolf

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no, I don’t have to smile!

But seriously, don’t you hate it when people tell you to smile? Don’t get me wrong, a nice smile is always uplifting and lovely to see. Preferably a genuine smile, not a big, fake, shark-toothed grimacey smile!

I used to be in a relationship one-upon-a-time with a man who always had a go at me when I didn’t constantly smile. I had to smile so much when we were out that my face ached. 😂

We’d be out dancing and I would be having a lovely time, enjoying the music, the dancing, being with friends. Then, all the sudden he’d glare at me and in a furious whisper say “try to look like you’re enjoying yourself and smile.”

Well ok then, I was enjoying myself, thinking all was fine and dandy. But no, apparently my face was out of line! So I would plaster a ridiculous circus grin (think painted on clown smile) for the rest of the evening so as to avoid the man getting into a shitty mood and turning frosty on me for the next few hours or days. It was just more of his controlling behavior. I saw it for what it was, however it still had an impact on me and would make me feel a bit low for a while.

Mind you, ofttimes he would either do the fakey/fakey smile at people, but mostly he had a face like a slapped arse. Anger does that to your face – it leaves that calling card of “you are not a nice person” etched onto your features.

Anyways. That’s all in the past – there is the occasional man at dance class who tells myself and other women to “smile more.” I just nod politely and say “no problem, when you show me your pretty smile, I’ll show you mine.” That usually leaves them jaw hanging in surprise.

How many times do guys tell other guys to smile? They don’t.

It’s just plain rude. Stop telling us to smile – we will if we want, we will if we feel like it.

My daughter said that in the feature pic above, I have a certain elegance in not smiling. She’s not wrong 🥰

I’m also loving my new lbd!

 

 

 

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