Be the lighthouse!
I was out for an 8km walk today, the day after my surgery (more on that in my next post and yes my surgeon said I can walk for miles!).
Whilst out walking (and when I go for my runs) is when I do my best thinking. My mind is clear and open to thoughts and ideas and I was composing this post as I was walking by the foreshore.
I’ve often said to people that I cannot understand why people that have suffered hurt or trauma in their lives inflict it on other people in their lives. It really has baffled me.
I have had hurt and trauma inflicted upon me, including childhood abuse and a couple of seriously toxic relationships as an adult.
However, I make it my life’s effort never to knowingly hurt another human being and if I do so unintentionally I will always own it and give a heartfelt apology and make amends. I choose to be this way as I know what it is to feel emotional pain and I do not want anyone else to feel that pain at my expense.
Unfortunately, I have had a couple of emotionally unhealthy relationships. One was with the MOST narcissistic, toxic man I have ever had the misfortune to come across.
I am no victim. I do not enter relationships with the aim of changing or fixing the other person. However, I have built an enormous tolerance for emotional pain and that has not held me in good stead for looking after my emotional well-being when I have connected with an emotionally abusive man.
I recently came across a life-coach who said the following which really resonated with me:
“There is a saying that is very true, but multiple things can be true at once…hurt people do hurt people. That’s a fact. I’ve felt that, I’m sure you have. But you want to know what else is a fact? That genuine people hold space for others. Safe people that worked really hard to become so safe with themselves and others. They shelter those who do not feel safe. Lighthouses, people who are lighthouses, I’m sure you’ve found one before in your life, I know I have. I am absolutely a lighthouse and I love being one. Lighthouses shine light for others. I hope that this helps shift your perspective, because although hurt people do hurt people, you can become shelter for those who need it.”
@heather.powell.coaching
So there you have it. The puzzle for me is no longer a puzzle. Be a lighthouse. I know I am. I have also found my lighthouse. A man who genuinely cares about the safe space he has in my life and I in his. A man who wishes to cause no harm to me and is the shelter for me as I am for him.
Image credit: @Ravenwolf
emotional abuseemotional wellbeinghealthy relationshipsloverelationship advicerelationshipstoxic relationships