Relationships – Page 3 – 60plus and loving life

Navigating Red Flags in Relationships: A Guide to Recognizing, Responding, and Prioritizing Self-Love

By 60plus&lovinglife November 30, 2023February 29, 2024 0

I have talked about “red flag” behaviour in previous relationships in previous blog posts. I’ve discussed how sometimes it was subtle to begin with, then the gaslighting, lying, emotional manipulation and controlling behavior increased over time and how you always end up second guessing yourself.

I have gained a lot of self-awareness from these previous toxic connections and learned how to recognize red flags, ensure that I set clear boundaries and prioritize self-care.

Because I have experienced this type of behaviour and I know for sure many people are dealing with toxic relationships that I will share my personal experiences with you all and shine a light on how to identify and deal with “red flag” behavior.

Relationships are not always smooth sailing. While we often find ourselves basking in the honeymoon phase, it’s crucial to remain vigilant for signs of potential trouble. Red flag behaviors in relationships can be elusive, sometimes only surfacing later down the track. As someone who has navigated the complexities of relationships, I understand the importance of recognizing these red flags and taking decisive action to ensure your well-being.

Identifying Red Flag Behavior:

It’s not uncommon for red flags to remain hidden in the initial stages of a relationship. As excitement and infatuation take center stage, we may overlook subtle signs of concerning behavior. It’s vital to cultivate self-awareness and pay attention to changes in your partner’s conduct. Common red flags include:

Controlling Behavior: If your partner exhibits a need for control over various aspects of your life, it may be a cause for concern. This could manifest in decisions both big and small, from what you wear to who you spend time with.
Isolation Tactics: Be wary if your partner actively discourages you from spending time with friends and family. Healthy relationships encourage independence and personal growth, rather than isolation.
Lack of Communication: Open and honest communication is the foundation of any successful relationship. If your partner consistently avoids discussing important matters or becomes defensive when approached, it’s a red flag.
Manipulative Tactics: Manipulation can take many forms, from guilt-tripping to gaslighting. If you find yourself questioning your own reality or feeling emotionally drained, it’s crucial to address these manipulative behaviors.

Responding to Red Flags

When red flags appear on the horizon, it’s essential to respond proactively. Ignoring or rationalizing concerning behavior can lead to more significant challenges in the future. Here are some steps to consider:

Trust Your Instincts: Your intuition is a powerful guide. If something doesn’t feel right, trust your instincts. Acknowledge your feelings and take them seriously.
Open Communication: Share your concerns with your partner in a calm and assertive manner. Healthy relationships thrive on communication, and addressing issues early can prevent escalation.
Establish Boundaries: Clearly define your boundaries and communicate them to your partner. If these boundaries are disrespected, it may be a sign that the relationship is not built on mutual respect.
Seek Support: Don’t hesitate to reach out to trusted friends and family. Discussing your concerns with those who care about you can provide valuable perspectives and emotional support.

Prioritizing Self-Love and Safety

Above all, remember that you are worthy of love and respect. It’s essential to prioritize your well-being and recognize when a relationship may not be serving your best interests. Here are some key considerations:

Self-Reflection: Take time to reflect on your needs, values, and goals. A healthy relationship should contribute positively to your life and personal growth.
Know Your Worth: Understand that you deserve love and kindness from a partner. Settling for less than you deserve can lead to long-term emotional harm.
Seek Professional Help if Needed: If red flags persist and your safety is at risk, consider seeking professional help. Therapists, counselors, and support groups can provide guidance and assistance.

Navigating red flag behaviors in relationships requires courage, self-awareness, and a commitment to personal well-being. Drawing from personal experience, I encourage everyone to prioritize self-love, trust their instincts, and seek support when needed. Remember, you deserve a relationship built on mutual respect, kindness, and understanding.

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The Covenant that ties…

By 60plus&lovinglife November 24, 2023February 29, 2024 0

What is family? Who do you count as family? Is it just blood ties or do you have friends that you consider family?

This time of year we are close to Christmas and in the US it is Thanksgiving time. Both occasions are all about family, times of love & happiness, but can also be fraught with conflict and discord.

My daughter is my family and we love each other dearly. I also have family on the other side of the country. Family for me includes close friends. One friend hosts an “orphans” Christmas breakfast at the beach each year (we live in Australia, so Christmas is peak summertime for us!).

Having been married twice, I also have extended family. My first husband’s sister is someone I will always consider family, even though our connection is no longer via the marriage bond, she is someone I hold dear. My second husband and I are still friends (years after we divorced) and always will be and I remained close with his mother until she passed.

A previous partner, however, had a very tumultuous and toxic family. Always feuding with each other. Always threatening each other and sending abusive messages to each other. They thought that was normal. I was both appalled and aghast when shown the vitriol that was sent back and forth. It was ugly!

Vicious name calling and I mean vicious, no foul language was off limits! Abuse & threats were sent back & forth in equal measure. I had never in all my life witnessed such toxic behaviour, ever!! And I hope I never do again. Even reading such sickening messages was emotionally damaging and they were not aimed at me.

No-one in my life, family or friends, have ever spoken to me or me to them in the horrid and abusive way of this mob. It was insane! They have behaved like this for many, many years and amongst themselves they have normalized this abusive and damaging behavior. None of them cared about the damage they inflicted on each other, it was harrowing to witness. My then partner was regularly brought to tears of grief and despair – then he would fire back equally vile messages in retaliation! It was nuts!

Those people made it very clear that I was NOT family, regardless of my being in a relationship with one of theirs for some time. Praise be for that I say! Never would I wish to be known as belonging to such toxic people. They were all big on “blood is thicker than water” – clearly an excuse for toxic and damaging behaviour towards each other. The kicker is that they (and many other people) have got that expression totally wrong. They think it means ties of blood/kin are stronger than ties of “water” or non-kin.

However, the actual expression is “The blood of the Covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.” As in bonds that you’ve made by choice are more important than the people that you are bound to by the water of the womb. Here’s a link that explains the original Covenant quote.

I hope however you celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas that you are surrounded by loving, kind and genuine folk who care for you as you care for them, whether they are ties of the womb or Covenant of blood. 💕

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Dancing in Love: Breaking Free from Walking on Eggshells

By 60plus&lovinglife September 28, 2023February 29, 2024 0

Love, they say, is like dancing to your favorite song, where every step feels harmonious and free. It’s a rhythm that resonates deep within, igniting joy, warmth, and a sense of security.

But sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships where the dance turns into a delicate balancing act—a constant tiptoeing on eggshells to keep the peace.

I’ve walked that tightrope before, where every word and action had to be carefully measured to avoid setting off an unpredictable storm of anger and retribution. It was a relationship that left me feeling trapped, unheard, and unloved.

In one of my previous relationships, I often felt like a prisoner of my own emotions. I had to suppress my thoughts and feelings, fearing the repercussions of expressing myself honestly.

Walking on eggshells became the norm, and the weight of that constant vigilance left me emotionally drained and disconnected.

No one should ever have to feel they have to walk on eggshells in a relationship. Love should be a sanctuary, a place where you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or punishment. It should inspire growth, trust, and open communication.

It is possible to find love that embraces vulnerability, where we can share our hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities without judgment or reprisal. It’s a love that encourages us to be the best versions of ourselves.

Love is not about being controlled or manipulated. It’s about lifting each other up, celebrating our individuality, and nurturing a connection based on respect, trust, and genuine care. It’s about feeling safe to express ourselves and knowing that our partner will genuinely listen to and support us.

I’ve learned that a loving relationship should never be about keeping the peace at the cost of one’s own happiness. It should be about fostering an environment where both partners can flourish, express themselves freely, and feel loved unconditionally.

Now, I dance through life with a heart full of joy and gratitude. There are no eggshells to tiptoe around, no fear of anger or retribution.

If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel the need to walk on eggshells, I want you to know that you deserve better. You have the right to seek a love that inspires dancing, not caution. Genuine love is out there, waiting for you to embrace it—a love that respects, cherishes, and celebrates the beautiful person you are.

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What to do when a pesky ex keeps fussing & bothering you…

By 60plus&lovinglife September 14, 2023 0

I have one particular ex (won’t name him of course) who constantly leaves sh*tty comments on my blog. He is obsessed with reading it and seems to think everything I write is about him!

I find that narcissists think everything is about them, even when it is not. Heck, I write about my dog and for sure the ex will probably think it’s about him! 😂

His comments on my blog are unhinged, vitriolic and full of b.s. However, in his last one he has decided that he will from now on refer to me as the “nutty professor” (I was a university professor in my career, I’m semi-retired now.) He said he reads every single blog post and will continue to do so and continue to make comments. He is a persistent and serial pest!

Well, it took me a hot minute to figure out that I actually can block his IP address and his email and the IP of his flying monkey, so every time they leave a comment it will auto-delete! So hey 🤡 you blocked now!

As far as insults go, ‘nutty professor’ is pretty lame (some of the things he has called me are unprintable!) and I kind of like it! As my daughter said (oh yeah, he has a go at my baby in his nasty comments too – it is really disturbing.) Anyway, she said that insult just means I am “smart and eccentric” – nothing wrong with that! 😂

If I have the misfortune to run into him at a public venue, he goes out of his way to approach me (in front of multiple witnesses!) and then he trash-talks me in passing. I just pretend he is non-existent and I walk on by!

I may joke about all of this and make light of it, but the entitlement and audacity of this man is astonishing. He thinks he can intimidate me into shutting down my blog or be uncomfortable going out to public venues, because he deliberately goes out of his way to approach me – even when I’ve been with my new partner or with girlfriends. His aim is to intimidate me, but it is not working. I will not be bullied by anyone and certainly not by an overweening, arrogant narcissist!

All humor and levity aside – here are some tips for you if you have a toxic ex who just won’t leave you alone, go away and live their own life far away from you!

TIPS:

Breaking free from a toxic relationship is a monumental step toward reclaiming your peace and happiness. However, it’s not uncommon for a toxic ex-partner to continue fussing and bothering you long after the relationship has ended.

We’ll explore some strategies and coping mechanisms to help you navigate this challenging situation while safeguarding your well-being.

Establish and Enforce Boundaries:

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a toxic ex. Define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and communicate these boundaries firmly but calmly. Make it clear that you expect respect and space. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries, and do not engage in conversations or actions that violate them.

Limit Contact:

Minimize contact with your toxic ex as much as possible. Block their phone number, unfollow or block them on social media, and avoid attending events or places where you might run into them. Reducing contact can help diminish their opportunities to bother or fuss with you.

Maintain Emotional Distance:

Emotionally detach yourself from their actions and words. Remember that their behavior is a reflection of their issues, not your worth. Stay focused on your own healing and growth.

Seek Support:

Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support. Discussing your feelings and experiences with someone you trust can provide validation, clarity, and a sense of relief.

Practice Self-Care:

Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is paramount. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Prioritize self-care to help you stay resilient and centered.

Document Incidents:

If your toxic ex’s behavior escalates to harassment or threats, keep records of their actions, messages, or interactions. This documentation can be valuable if legal action becomes necessary.

Consider Legal Options:

If the situation becomes unmanageable or dangerous, consult with legal authorities or a lawyer to explore potential restraining orders or legal remedies.

Stay Mindful and Patient:

Dealing with a toxic ex can be a long and challenging process. Stay patient and mindful and remember that their behavior may lessen over time as they find other interests or move on.

Navigating the persistent interference of a toxic ex can be emotionally draining, but it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. By establishing boundaries, limiting contact, seeking support, and practicing self-care, you can regain control over your life and protect your peace and happiness.

Ultimately, remember that you have the strength to overcome this challenge, and as you continue to heal and grow, the impact of your toxic ex’s interference will gradually diminish. Your well-being and happiness are worth the effort it takes to create a life free from their toxic influence.

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The Love That Inspires: My Daughter and the Blessings of Life!

By 60plus&lovinglife September 11, 2023February 29, 2024 0

Life is a beautiful tapestry woven with the threads of love, and I’ve been blessed with more love and support than I could have ever imagined.

Today, I want to share with you the heartwarming story of how my daughter encouraged me to start this blog, the joy of having her in my life and the loving bond we share.

A Daughter’s Encouragement

It all began with my daughter, my shining star, and my biggest cheerleader. Her unwavering belief in me and her encouragement to share my thoughts and experiences through a blog was the catalyst for this journey. She saw something in me that I hadn’t fully embraced—the passion for writing and the desire to connect with others through words.

Her pride in me was the motivation I needed to take the plunge. Every step I took, every word I wrote, was infused with the love and support she showered upon me. And the most beautiful part? She reads every single post, offering her feedback, her encouragement, and her love. I couldn’t ask for a more wonderful daughter.

A Bond Beyond Words

Our mother-daughter relationship is a treasure I hold close to my heart. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and celebrated each other’s victories and challenges. We’ve grown together, and through it all, our bond has only deepened.

My daughter’s achievements fill me with immense pride. She’s an extraordinary young woman, filled with ambition, kindness, and a heart that overflows with love. Watching her flourish into the incredible person she is today is a privilege I cherish daily.

Life’s Glorious Blessings

Reflecting on my journey, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I am fortunate beyond measure, surrounded by love from my remarkable daughter, my dear friends, my dance community, and a community of readers who have embraced my blog.

Life is indeed glorious. It’s about embracing the love that surrounds you, cherishing the moments that take your breath away, and finding joy in the simplest of things. It’s about having a daughter who is not only proud of her mother but is also a constant source of inspiration. It’s about discovering a love that fills your heart to the brim and knowing that you are cherished.

I am so very fortunate, so very loved, and my heart is full. Life’s blessings are a reminder that even in the midst of challenges, love has the power to transform our world into something truly beautiful.

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Karma and can there be redemption for narcissists?

By 60plus&lovinglife August 31, 2023 0

Have you ever felt that maybe you are someone’s karma? Hear me out. Oft times we have had toxic people in our lives and we and our loved ones say “karma” will sort them out. However, mostly you never know if it does or does not. I find that it probably does, but we will never really know. You just have to trust.

Actions and Consequences:

In the intricate dance of life, we often witness the delicate balance between actions and consequences. Narcissists, who thrive on manipulation and deceit, may find themselves facing a unique form of karma when the spotlight of truth is finally cast upon them.

Narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over others. Their actions create a tangled web of deception that can cast shadows over the lives of those they touch.

For a while, it might seem that they operate without consequences, but the truth has a way of making its presence felt, no matter how elaborate the disguise.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon them:

Imagine the moment when the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist’s carefully constructed façade. It’s a revelation that pierces through the layers of deceit, exposing the darkness that has been hidden in plain sight. This moment can be powerful and transformative, both for the narcissist and for those who have been affected by their actions.

My lived experience with a toxic narcissist:

Was possibly one of the most unpleasant and destructive situations I have had the misfortune to find myself within. They choose their targets well. People often think they only seek out the “weak”. However, this is not the case. Often they target someone who is intelligent as that presents more of a challenge for them.

At times I literally felt he was the devil and I would get chills at his callous words and behaviour. He made a point of appearing to be clean-cut and to all intents and purposes disguised as a decent human. He looked like he was ready to step into church services on any day of the week, but it was all just a façade to mask the evil within.

But below that neat and tidy, yet false demeanor, lurked a cold and hateful heart. Often I would feel emotionally detached after being the target of his scathing words and actions. The destructive behaviour of a narcissist leaves you reeling, you literally don’t know which way is up by the time they are done tormenting you.

When you speak your truth and they recognize themselves in your words:

When faced with the unrelenting gaze of truth, a narcissist’s world can unravel. The façade they so carefully cultivated begins to crumble, revealing the emptiness beneath. This moment can be both humbling and enlightening.

For the first time, they confront the consequences of their actions and the pain they’ve inflicted on others. It’s a karma of their own making, a mirror reflecting back the reality they’ve tried so hard to deny.

a quote on Karma will catch up — *imagecredit:sitaramsatu*

As the spotlight of truth exposes the narcissist’s actions, it also offers an opportunity for growth and change. Some may resist, retreating further into denial. Others might experience a moment of clarity, recognizing the destructive path they’ve followed.

It’s a pivotal moment that can lead to a crossroads of transformation, where they can choose to confront their flaws and embark on a journey of self-improvement.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist, it’s not about reveling in their downfall, but about accountability and growth. The karma they face is a reflection of the energy they’ve put out into the world.

Whether they choose to remain in denial or take the path of redemption, the exposure of truth serves as a reminder that actions have consequences, and the choices we make shape the journey of our lives.

For those who have been hurt by a narcissist’s actions, the spotlight of truth can bring a sense of validation and closure. It’s a chance to reclaim their own narrative and heal from the wounds inflicted by deceit.

While karma doesn’t always manifest as instant retribution, the exposure of truth can be a step towards restoring balance and justice.

p.s. Dear Narcissist, thank you for giving me so much to write about, I am very grateful😁I’ll bet you never expected your legacy would be to help so many women deal with toxic relationships via my writing & my blog! Inadvertently you have done us all a service. Peace out man✌️

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