Relationships – Page 3 – 60plus and loving life

Dancing in Love: Breaking Free from Walking on Eggshells

By 60plus&lovinglife September 28, 2023February 29, 2024 0

Love, they say, is like dancing to your favorite song, where every step feels harmonious and free. It’s a rhythm that resonates deep within, igniting joy, warmth, and a sense of security.

But sometimes, we find ourselves in relationships where the dance turns into a delicate balancing act—a constant tiptoeing on eggshells to keep the peace.

I’ve walked that tightrope before, where every word and action had to be carefully measured to avoid setting off an unpredictable storm of anger and retribution. It was a relationship that left me feeling trapped, unheard, and unloved.

In one of my previous relationships, I often felt like a prisoner of my own emotions. I had to suppress my thoughts and feelings, fearing the repercussions of expressing myself honestly.

Walking on eggshells became the norm, and the weight of that constant vigilance left me emotionally drained and disconnected.

No one should ever have to feel they have to walk on eggshells in a relationship. Love should be a sanctuary, a place where you can be your authentic self without fear of judgment or punishment. It should inspire growth, trust, and open communication.

It is possible to find love that embraces vulnerability, where we can share our hopes, dreams, fears, and insecurities without judgment or reprisal. It’s a love that encourages us to be the best versions of ourselves.

Love is not about being controlled or manipulated. It’s about lifting each other up, celebrating our individuality, and nurturing a connection based on respect, trust, and genuine care. It’s about feeling safe to express ourselves and knowing that our partner will genuinely listen to and support us.

I’ve learned that a loving relationship should never be about keeping the peace at the cost of one’s own happiness. It should be about fostering an environment where both partners can flourish, express themselves freely, and feel loved unconditionally.

Now, I dance through life with a heart full of joy and gratitude. There are no eggshells to tiptoe around, no fear of anger or retribution.

If you find yourself in a relationship where you feel the need to walk on eggshells, I want you to know that you deserve better. You have the right to seek a love that inspires dancing, not caution. Genuine love is out there, waiting for you to embrace it—a love that respects, cherishes, and celebrates the beautiful person you are.

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What to do when a pesky ex keeps fussing & bothering you…

By 60plus&lovinglife September 14, 2023 0

I have one particular ex (won’t name him of course) who constantly leaves sh*tty comments on my blog. He is obsessed with reading it and seems to think everything I write is about him!

I find that narcissists think everything is about them, even when it is not. Heck, I write about my dog and for sure the ex will probably think it’s about him! 😂

His comments on my blog are unhinged, vitriolic and full of b.s. However, in his last one he has decided that he will from now on refer to me as the “nutty professor” (I was a university professor in my career, I’m semi-retired now.) He said he reads every single blog post and will continue to do so and continue to make comments. He is a persistent and serial pest!

Well, it took me a hot minute to figure out that I actually can block his IP address and his email and the IP of his flying monkey, so every time they leave a comment it will auto-delete! So hey 🤡 you blocked now!

As far as insults go, ‘nutty professor’ is pretty lame (some of the things he has called me are unprintable!) and I kind of like it! As my daughter said (oh yeah, he has a go at my baby in his nasty comments too – it is really disturbing.) Anyway, she said that insult just means I am “smart and eccentric” – nothing wrong with that! 😂

If I have the misfortune to run into him at a public venue, he goes out of his way to approach me (in front of multiple witnesses!) and then he trash-talks me in passing. I just pretend he is non-existent and I walk on by!

I may joke about all of this and make light of it, but the entitlement and audacity of this man is astonishing. He thinks he can intimidate me into shutting down my blog or be uncomfortable going out to public venues, because he deliberately goes out of his way to approach me – even when I’ve been with my new partner or with girlfriends. His aim is to intimidate me, but it is not working. I will not be bullied by anyone and certainly not by an overweening, arrogant narcissist!

All humor and levity aside – here are some tips for you if you have a toxic ex who just won’t leave you alone, go away and live their own life far away from you!

TIPS:

Breaking free from a toxic relationship is a monumental step toward reclaiming your peace and happiness. However, it’s not uncommon for a toxic ex-partner to continue fussing and bothering you long after the relationship has ended.

We’ll explore some strategies and coping mechanisms to help you navigate this challenging situation while safeguarding your well-being.

Establish and Enforce Boundaries:

Setting clear boundaries is crucial when dealing with a toxic ex. Define what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior and communicate these boundaries firmly but calmly. Make it clear that you expect respect and space. Be consistent in enforcing these boundaries, and do not engage in conversations or actions that violate them.

Limit Contact:

Minimize contact with your toxic ex as much as possible. Block their phone number, unfollow or block them on social media, and avoid attending events or places where you might run into them. Reducing contact can help diminish their opportunities to bother or fuss with you.

Maintain Emotional Distance:

Emotionally detach yourself from their actions and words. Remember that their behavior is a reflection of their issues, not your worth. Stay focused on your own healing and growth.

Seek Support:

Lean on friends, family, or a therapist for emotional support. Discussing your feelings and experiences with someone you trust can provide validation, clarity, and a sense of relief.

Practice Self-Care:

Taking care of your physical and emotional well-being is paramount. Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation, such as exercise, meditation, hobbies, or spending time with loved ones. Prioritize self-care to help you stay resilient and centered.

Document Incidents:

If your toxic ex’s behavior escalates to harassment or threats, keep records of their actions, messages, or interactions. This documentation can be valuable if legal action becomes necessary.

Consider Legal Options:

If the situation becomes unmanageable or dangerous, consult with legal authorities or a lawyer to explore potential restraining orders or legal remedies.

Stay Mindful and Patient:

Dealing with a toxic ex can be a long and challenging process. Stay patient and mindful and remember that their behavior may lessen over time as they find other interests or move on.

Navigating the persistent interference of a toxic ex can be emotionally draining, but it’s crucial to prioritize your own well-being. By establishing boundaries, limiting contact, seeking support, and practicing self-care, you can regain control over your life and protect your peace and happiness.

Ultimately, remember that you have the strength to overcome this challenge, and as you continue to heal and grow, the impact of your toxic ex’s interference will gradually diminish. Your well-being and happiness are worth the effort it takes to create a life free from their toxic influence.

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The Love That Inspires: My Daughter and the Blessings of Life!

By 60plus&lovinglife September 11, 2023February 29, 2024 0

Life is a beautiful tapestry woven with the threads of love, and I’ve been blessed with more love and support than I could have ever imagined.

Today, I want to share with you the heartwarming story of how my daughter encouraged me to start this blog, the joy of having her in my life and the loving bond we share.

A Daughter’s Encouragement

It all began with my daughter, my shining star, and my biggest cheerleader. Her unwavering belief in me and her encouragement to share my thoughts and experiences through a blog was the catalyst for this journey. She saw something in me that I hadn’t fully embraced—the passion for writing and the desire to connect with others through words.

Her pride in me was the motivation I needed to take the plunge. Every step I took, every word I wrote, was infused with the love and support she showered upon me. And the most beautiful part? She reads every single post, offering her feedback, her encouragement, and her love. I couldn’t ask for a more wonderful daughter.

A Bond Beyond Words

Our mother-daughter relationship is a treasure I hold close to my heart. We’ve laughed together, cried together, and celebrated each other’s victories and challenges. We’ve grown together, and through it all, our bond has only deepened.

My daughter’s achievements fill me with immense pride. She’s an extraordinary young woman, filled with ambition, kindness, and a heart that overflows with love. Watching her flourish into the incredible person she is today is a privilege I cherish daily.

Life’s Glorious Blessings

Reflecting on my journey, I can’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. I am fortunate beyond measure, surrounded by love from my remarkable daughter, my dear friends, my dance community, and a community of readers who have embraced my blog.

Life is indeed glorious. It’s about embracing the love that surrounds you, cherishing the moments that take your breath away, and finding joy in the simplest of things. It’s about having a daughter who is not only proud of her mother but is also a constant source of inspiration. It’s about discovering a love that fills your heart to the brim and knowing that you are cherished.

I am so very fortunate, so very loved, and my heart is full. Life’s blessings are a reminder that even in the midst of challenges, love has the power to transform our world into something truly beautiful.

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Karma and can there be redemption for narcissists?

By 60plus&lovinglife August 31, 2023 0

Have you ever felt that maybe you are someone’s karma? Hear me out. Oft times we have had toxic people in our lives and we and our loved ones say “karma” will sort them out. However, mostly you never know if it does or does not. I find that it probably does, but we will never really know. You just have to trust.

Actions and Consequences:

In the intricate dance of life, we often witness the delicate balance between actions and consequences. Narcissists, who thrive on manipulation and deceit, may find themselves facing a unique form of karma when the spotlight of truth is finally cast upon them.

Narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over others. Their actions create a tangled web of deception that can cast shadows over the lives of those they touch.

For a while, it might seem that they operate without consequences, but the truth has a way of making its presence felt, no matter how elaborate the disguise.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon them:

Imagine the moment when the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist’s carefully constructed façade. It’s a revelation that pierces through the layers of deceit, exposing the darkness that has been hidden in plain sight. This moment can be powerful and transformative, both for the narcissist and for those who have been affected by their actions.

My lived experience with a toxic narcissist:

Was possibly one of the most unpleasant and destructive situations I have had the misfortune to find myself within. They choose their targets well. People often think they only seek out the “weak”. However, this is not the case. Often they target someone who is intelligent as that presents more of a challenge for them.

At times I literally felt he was the devil and I would get chills at his callous words and behaviour. He made a point of appearing to be clean-cut and to all intents and purposes disguised as a decent human. He looked like he was ready to step into church services on any day of the week, but it was all just a façade to mask the evil within.

But below that neat and tidy, yet false demeanor, lurked a cold and hateful heart. Often I would feel emotionally detached after being the target of his scathing words and actions. The destructive behaviour of a narcissist leaves you reeling, you literally don’t know which way is up by the time they are done tormenting you.

When you speak your truth and they recognize themselves in your words:

When faced with the unrelenting gaze of truth, a narcissist’s world can unravel. The façade they so carefully cultivated begins to crumble, revealing the emptiness beneath. This moment can be both humbling and enlightening.

For the first time, they confront the consequences of their actions and the pain they’ve inflicted on others. It’s a karma of their own making, a mirror reflecting back the reality they’ve tried so hard to deny.

a quote on Karma will catch up — *imagecredit:sitaramsatu*

As the spotlight of truth exposes the narcissist’s actions, it also offers an opportunity for growth and change. Some may resist, retreating further into denial. Others might experience a moment of clarity, recognizing the destructive path they’ve followed.

It’s a pivotal moment that can lead to a crossroads of transformation, where they can choose to confront their flaws and embark on a journey of self-improvement.

When the spotlight of truth shines upon a narcissist, it’s not about reveling in their downfall, but about accountability and growth. The karma they face is a reflection of the energy they’ve put out into the world.

Whether they choose to remain in denial or take the path of redemption, the exposure of truth serves as a reminder that actions have consequences, and the choices we make shape the journey of our lives.

For those who have been hurt by a narcissist’s actions, the spotlight of truth can bring a sense of validation and closure. It’s a chance to reclaim their own narrative and heal from the wounds inflicted by deceit.

While karma doesn’t always manifest as instant retribution, the exposure of truth can be a step towards restoring balance and justice.

p.s. Dear Narcissist, thank you for giving me so much to write about, I am very grateful😁I’ll bet you never expected your legacy would be to help so many women deal with toxic relationships via my writing & my blog! Inadvertently you have done us all a service. Peace out man✌️

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Healing

By 60plus&lovinglife August 24, 2023 0

As I reflect on what it takes to heal from an emotionally abusive relationship with a narcissist, I am mindful to let you know that this is my personal journey, based on my lived experiences. Your experiences will differ, however there will be points of commonality and synchronicity and some of what I write about may resonate with you.

Healing from anything takes time, healing from trauma takes time. Some days you will feel fine and the world will be a glorious place. Other days you reflect on what you went through and feel sad. Healing is not borne from and does not dwell in anger or bitterness, rather it comes from a place of love and light and a genuine desire to heal the wounds within.

Although I do have every right to be angry and to express anger – no-one should be telling you that you can’t be angry at being mistreated. It is healthy to acknowledge anger and to deal with it in appropriate ways. Being with a narcissist, especially for several years, is a rollercoaster of trauma and takes some processing from which to recover and move on.

The constant walking on eggshells, the constant keeping the peace so they don’t go into a tantrum and scream at you. The constant emotional torture, warm and kind for a brief while, then cold, distant and remote and ignoring you, even when you are seated or laying right next to them is cruelty. You never know which one they will be on any given day.

The constant emotional manipulation, the (not so subtle) put-downs. Trying to navigate that terrain is both exhausting and emotionally debilitating. You come out the other side relieved and feeling like you escaped and you feel grateful every single day that that person is no longer in your life bringing you pain and grief.

They always play the victim, they will tell you every ex was a “psycho” – until you realise that they were the ones who destroyed their past partners. Narcissists are incapable of having a warm, loving and emotionally fulfilling relationship. There is something seriously lacking in their psyche. They are emotionally cold, they feel that they are superior to everyone around them and that they are always right.

If you unmask them, they will unleash a fury that is astonishing to behold. They will lash out in a frenzy and you need to make sure you dance away out of their reach!

Coming to terms with all of this is a convoluted journey. It’s not a linear path, there are twists and turns and some dead ends. You just keep moving forwards and looking after yourself, nurturing yourself, surrounding yourself with love and light and most of all be kind to yourself. You have been hurt deeply and you need to heal that hurt and gently put yourself back together again.

I do not dwell in anger and I certainly harbour no bitterness. You see, if you mire yourself in anger and bitterness, they have won. They have emotionally destroyed you. Do not let them. Feel your anger, deal with it the best way you know how and move on.

Talk with family and friends if they are supportive and understanding, if not seek professional help if you can afford it. If all else fails read everything you can get your hands on about how to recover from emotional abuse. Some of it will be helpful, some not so much. But for sure, it will give you a path to healing and recovery, it’s up to you to take that path as complex as it may be and feel.

I absolutely have the right to acknowledge and explore my feelings and to share them with you – perhaps I have touched on something in your life that causes you grief or pain. Perhaps I have given you pause to reflect upon your relationship, do you recognise yourself in my words?

Do you know a loved one or friend who is in an emotionally abusive relationship? Can you reach out to them? If they come to you, just listen – don’t try to solve it for them, just listen and be there. Often that is all that is needed, for now.

Writing is cathartic. It is an avenue for exploration and understanding. It allows me to reflect, to work through the knots of trauma, to gently untangle those knots and allow them to drift away in the breeze.

My healing journey belongs to me and no-one can take that away from me. How I choose to heal is the right way for me, how you choose to heal is the right way for you❤️

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Unveiling the Veil of Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Unmasking Manipulation and Gaslighting

By 60plus&lovinglife August 21, 2023 0

In the intricate realm of human psychology, few personalities are as perplexing and detrimental as those encompassing Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD).

Behind the façade of charisma and charm, narcissists often wield manipulation, gaslighting, and victimhood as tools to maintain control over their unsuspecting partners. It’s a tangled web of emotions, deception, and power dynamics that can leave the partner questioning their own reality.

Gaslighting is the manipulation tactic through which a narcissist distorts reality, making their partner doubt their perceptions and memories.

This psychological warfare serves to exert control over the partner’s emotions and actions, allowing the narcissist to maintain dominance in the relationship.

The Veil of Victimhood: Unraveling the Narcissist’s Web

One of the most unsettling traits of narcissists is their uncanny ability to portray themselves as the victims, even in situations where they are the aggressors. This psychological flip-flop, combined with gaslighting tactics, creates a skewed reality that can leave partners feeling disoriented and doubting their own sanity.

As the partner tries to shine the light of truth upon the narcissist’s behavior, the narcissist becomes increasingly agitated, often resorting to aggressive defenses to protect their fragile self-image.

Numerous studies have delved into the deceptive tactics employed by narcissists within relationships. According to a study published in the “Journal of Personality and Social Psychology” (Smith et al., 2019), narcissists are adept at portraying themselves as victims, even when they are the instigators of conflict.

This manipulation is rooted in their desire to preserve their inflated self-image while undermining their partner’s sense of reality.

The Fear of Exposure: Unmasking the Truth

Perhaps the deepest fear that drives a narcissist’s manipulative behavior is the possibility of anyone discovering the truth about their actions and the darkness that lurks within.

Their identity is intricately woven with an illusion of perfection, and any chink in this armor threatens to unravel their carefully constructed façade. It’s this fear that propels them to weave intricate webs of deceit, convincing themselves that their version of events is indeed the reality.

A research paper published in “Personality and Individual Differences” (Miller et al., 2018) delves into the underlying fear that drives a narcissist’s manipulation: the fear of being exposed.

Narcissists are acutely aware of the chasm between their self-proclaimed greatness and their true behavior.

The study suggests that this fear is a driving force behind their efforts to deceive and manipulate, as they desperately attempt to shield their constructed persona from crumbling under scrutiny.

Tales of Deceit: The Narcissist’s Relationship with Truth

Lies become a tool for narcissists, a means to an end to protect their self-image and manipulate others. Their relationship with the truth is often tenuous at best, as they bend and twist facts to fit their narrative.

Partners of narcissists are often left bewildered as they encounter a partner who can effortlessly fabricate stories, deny blatant actions, and twist events to suit their own agenda.

A comprehensive review in the “Journal of Abnormal Psychology” (Campbell & Foster, 2021) sheds light on the narcissist’s loose relationship with the truth.

The study reveals that narcissists often engage in lying and fabricating stories to maintain their self-image. This manipulation of reality further complicates their partners’ perception of truth, leading to a cycle of confusion and emotional turmoil

7 Signs of Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Exaggerated Sense of Self-Importance: A narcissist believes they are exceptional and demands excessive admiration.
Lack of Empathy: They struggle to understand or relate to others’ feelings and needs.
Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment and may exploit others to achieve their desires.
Constant Need for Attention: They crave constant attention and will go to great lengths to obtain it.
Manipulation and Gaslighting: Narcissists use manipulation and gaslighting tactics to control and confuse their partners.
Shifting the Blame: They often portray themselves as victims and deflect blame onto others.
Jealousy and Envy: Narcissists harbor envy and resentment toward others’ successes and may belittle or undermine them.

Navigating Narcissistic Relationships: Guarding Your Heart

If you suspect you’re in a relationship with a narcissist, it’s crucial to prioritize your emotional well-being. Seek support from friends, family, or professionals who can help you untangle the web of manipulation and gaslighting. Remember that you deserve a healthy and nurturing relationship, free from emotional abuse.

Unmasking the true nature of a narcissist can be a daunting journey, but it’s essential to protect your own reality and regain control of your life. By recognizing the signs of narcissistic personality disorder and acknowledging the manipulative tactics they employ, you can break free from their emotional grip and embark on a path toward healing and self-discovery.

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