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I’m Not Brave—I’m Just Living My Life


People often tell me I’m “brave” because I have cancer and I still go out in public. I get told it when I’m picking up groceries, meeting a friend for coffee, or even just walking down the street.

But here’s the truth: I’m not being brave. I’m just living my life.

Cancer doesn’t press pause on everything else. I still need food in the fridge. I still want fresh air. I still crave connection. What people see as bravery is, to me, simply doing what I can to hold onto normalcy. Because if I wait until I feel “better” or “stronger,” I might miss out on the life that’s still here for me to live.

I’m no braver than anyone else. I didn’t sign up for this journey. I didn’t choose it. And neither did the millions of others who face it every year. We just deal with what’s in front of us, one day, one hour, one breath at a time.

And something I’ve noticed—far too often—is how many people quietly pull me aside and say, “I had cancer too. But I didn’t tell many people. Just close family.”

They whisper it. Like it’s a secret. Like it’s something to hide.

That hurts.

Not because they didn’t tell people—they have every right to navigate their diagnosis in whatever way feels right to them—but because I hear the why.

They didn’t want to be treated differently.

They didn’t want the pitying looks or the awkward silence or to be defined by an illness. And so they kept quiet. And that tells me something important:

There’s still stigma around having—or having had—cancer.

Somewhere along the way, cancer became something people are scared to talk about. Something people feel they need to protect others from hearing. Something that changes how others see us. And that’s not okay.

The reality is, cancer touches so many lives. It’s not rare. It’s not shameful. It’s not a reflection of weakness or failure. It’s something that happens to people—mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, friends, coworkers—people who are living, loving, and doing their best just like anyone else.

We need to talk about it more. We need to normalize it. We need to make it safe for people to say, “I have cancer” or “I had cancer” without feeling like they’ll be viewed through a different lens.

Because people with cancer aren’t inspirational for going to the store or grabbing a coffee—they’re just people, continuing their lives however they can. And that shouldn’t be seen as exceptional. That should be seen as human.

So the next time someone opens up to you about their diagnosis, honour their honesty. Listen without pity. See them for who they are—not what they’re facing.

And if you’ve been through cancer yourself—whether you’ve shouted it from the rooftops or whispered it to only a few—you’re not alone. Your story matters. You shouldn’t have to carry it in silence.

Let’s change the conversation. Let’s strip away the stigma. Let’s create a world where no one feels like they have to hide what they’re going through.

Because strength isn’t in silence—it’s in honesty, in community, and in just getting through the day.

And that? That’s something we all share.

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Embracing Life: Celebrating Victory Over Breast Cancer

In the grand narrative of life, there are chapters that test our resilience, chapters that redefine our strength, and chapters that celebrate our triumphs. Today, as I sit down to share my story, I find myself basking in the radiant glow of victory, for I am officially free from breast cancer.

The journey has been nothing short of tumultuous, a rollercoaster of emotions, fears, and hopes. Yet, through the darkest nights and the brightest days, I have not merely survived; I have thrived. With unwavering determination and boundless courage, I confronted each obstacle head-on, refusing to let adversity define me.

Just recently, I received the long-awaited results from my PET & CT scans and blood tests—a testament to the relentless pursuit of healing and the power of resilience. No sign of breast cancer! *happy dance*

The non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, once scattered throughout my abdominal area like ominous clouds, has regressed. Several nodes have shrunk, one has vanished entirely, leaving behind whispers of hope and whispers of gratitude.

Yet, amidst the triumph, there lingers one stubborn node, a reminder that life’s battles are not always easily won. But as they say, there’s always one, isn’t there?

In this moment of celebration, I find myself overwhelmed with gratitude, for I have not walked this path alone. To my healthcare providers, whose care and remarkable skill have been beacons of light in the darkest of times, I extend my deepest appreciation. Your unwavering dedication has been the cornerstone of my journey, guiding me towards healing and restoration.

To my gym trainers and gym buddies, who stood by me through the toughest of workouts and the most challenging of days, your encouragement fueled my spirit and strengthened my resolve. In your company, I found solace and strength, forging bonds that transcend mere friendship.

To my beautiful daughter, my rock amidst the raging storm, your love and unwavering support have been my greatest source of strength. In your eyes, I found the courage to press on, to fight fiercely, and to never lose sight of the beauty that lies beyond the shadows.

And to my dance community and friends, whose laughter and camaraderie lit up even the darkest of nights, your unwavering support and boundless love lifted my spirits and carried me through the storm. In your company, I found the courage to dance amidst the rain, to embrace life’s melodies, and to celebrate each precious moment.

As I stand on the threshold of a new beginning, I am reminded that life’s greatest victories are not measured by the battles we win, but by the love we share, the friendships we cherish, and the moments we hold dear. In the tapestry of life, every thread, every triumph, and every tear, weaves together to form the masterpiece of our existence.

Today, as I embrace the warmth of the sun and the gentle caress of the wind, I am reminded of the beauty that lies within each moment, the magic that resides within each heartbeat.

In my life, amidst the laughter and the tears, there lies the promise of a new beginning, a promise of hope, and a promise of love.

And so, as I bid farewell to the shadows of yesterday and embrace the light of tomorrow, I do so with a heart full of gratitude, a spirit renewed, and a soul ablaze with the fire of resilience.

imagecredit:NukeP

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Gym for the win!!

I love my gym! And they love me! I have so many friends in both the personal trainers and the lovely people I know in my regular classes. I won Member of the Month after being nominated by my personal trainers and I am honoured to have been chosen!😀🏋️🧘‍♀️

As 2023 begins to draw towards a close, I find myself reflecting on a year that, like for many, brought its share of challenges. Yet, amidst the storms, I discovered an unwavering anchor—the gym.

In a world of uncertainty, it became my sanctuary, my happy place, and the foundation for navigating the tumultuous seas of life.

The Gym as My Happy Place:

In the rhythmic hum of weights clanging and the steady beat of my heart, I discovered solace. The gym transformed into more than a place to break a sweat; it became a haven where I recharged my spirit and found clarity.

The endorphin-fueled euphoria that follows a workout became my refuge from the anxieties of the outside world.

Navigating the Challenges:

This year presented health challenges that tested my resilience. However, I am profoundly grateful for the strong foundation of fitness I had built over the years.

Staying committed to my fitness routine turned out to be a lifeline during moments of uncertainty.

The strength, both physical and mental, that I cultivated in the gym became my armour against the adversities I faced.

The Importance of Fitness as We Age:

As the candles on the birthday cake increase, the value of maintaining fitness, strength, and balance becomes clearer.

The gym is not just a place for the young; it’s a sanctuary for those of us who’ve danced a bit longer under the sun. In fact, it’s as we age that the importance of consistent exercise becomes paramount.

A Personal Revelation:

I can’t help but believe that my journey through health challenges would have been far more arduous if I hadn’t prioritized my fitness.

The stamina built in strength and cardio classes, the muscles sculpted through weight training, and the balance refined in yoga all contributed to my resilience.

This journey has been a testament to the saying, “We do not stop exercising because we grow old; we grow old because we stop exercising.”

Sailing into 2024:

As the year comes to a close, I find myself in a great place—physically robust and emotionally resilient. The gym, my steadfast companion, has not only been a refuge but a launchpad propelling me into the coming year with optimism and vigour.

The weights lifted, the kilometres (miles) run, and the moments of mindfulness in the yoga studio have not only shaped my physique but also forged a resilient mindset that transcends the physical.

Closing Thoughts:

So here’s to the gym, the tireless supporter that stood by me in challenging times. As the clock ticks down to a new year, I sail into 2024 on a high note, armed with the strength and tenacity cultivated in the embrace of my fitness sanctuary.

If there’s one lesson I carry with me, it’s the profound impact of prioritizing our well-being, especially as we age. The gym isn’t just a place; it’s a vessel propelling us toward a future where we are not just surviving but thriving.

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Breaking Up with My Doctor: Trusting My Gut and Advocating for My Health

They say that doctors are our partners in health, guiding us through the intricacies of our well-being. But what happens when that partnership falls short, leaving you feeling unheard and dismissed?

For years, I’ve grappled with ongoing gastrointestinal issues that have turned my life into a roller coaster of discomfort. Today, I’m sharing my journey of frustration, persistence, and ultimately, self-advocacy.

It’s a story of trusting my gut – both literally and figuratively – and finally finding the answers I needed after years of being dismissively brushed aside.

A Long Road of Gastrointestinal Struggles:

The road of gastrointestinal issues has been a long and winding one for me. Some days were manageable, but others felt like a battleground within my own body.

If you’ve experienced these struggles, you’ll understand the frustration, pain, and sense of helplessness that comes with them. Despite the challenges, I knew deep down that something was amiss, and it was time to take action.

Dismissals and Questionable Diagnoses:

My journey began over 10 years ago with conversations with my regular doctor who, time and again, dismissed my concerns. “It’s just a bug,” he’d say nonchalantly, as if my pain and discomfort were inconsequential.

Last year he diagnosed me with “Diverticulitis” without doing any testing at all, just assumption based on my age (female over 60). He was incorrect as tests I had this year cleared me of diverticulitis.

I even tried a different GP (General Practitioner/doctor) and I vividly remember her reaction when I mentioned my dinner of chickpea curry when she asked what I had eaten the night prior. She laughed, labeling my meal as the root cause of my issues. Even after assuring her that chickpeas weren’t a daily staple, but gut issues were an ongoing problem, she dismissed my concerns without a second thought.

These interactions left me feeling unheard and invalidated and questioning if anyone would take my plight seriously.

A Year of Health Struggles and Rediscovering My Voice:

As this year began, my health took a turn for the worse. Amidst battling other serious health issues, my gastrointestinal problems intensified. My doctor’s dismissive stance persisted, attributing everything to a “it’s just a bug going around.”

Then, a sobering realization struck him (on my third visit to him as I had been getting sicker and sicker) – he had forgotten about my ongoing cancer battle. It was this moment that led him to finally order a colonoscopy and in his own words “I don’t want to be sued.” Not that he was in the least concerned about my health, just that he didn’t want to be legally liable!

He then proceeded to tell me a horrendous story of a patient he knew (not sure if it was his patient). This poor man had cancer and an underlying inflammatory bowel disease which had not been picked up. After a series of chemotherapy treatments, the man’s bowel ruptured as the bowel wall had thinned due to the chemo. My doctor was concerned the same would happen to me!

Finally, A Long-Awaited Diagnosis:

The colonoscopy became a turning point in my journey. Biopsies were taken, and the results held the key to my years of agony. The diagnosis: Lymphocytic Colitis. Here is a link for further information if you are interested – Lymphocytic Colitis.

Finally, a name to the pain I’d been enduring, a validation that I wasn’t imagining my struggles. The revelation came with a mix of emotions – relief, frustration, and determination.

Lymphocytic Colitis is treatable, but it is not curable. It can flare up again. I am currently undergoing 6 weeks of steroid treatment to see if that calms it all down.

Trusting My Gut (literally) and Advocating for My Health:

Through this tumultuous journey, I learned the importance of trusting my gut, both in the literal and metaphorical sense. If something doesn’t feel right, it’s crucial to persist until you find the answers you deserve.

Our bodies have a way of communicating when something is wrong, and it’s up to us to advocate for the care we need. My experience taught me that self-advocacy is a vital component of our health journey, and seeking second opinions can lead us to the right path.

My journey of battling gastrointestinal issues, dismissals, and incorrect diagnoses has ultimately been a testament to the power of persistence and self-advocacy. The road to my Colitis diagnosis was fraught with frustration, but it also rekindled my determination to be my own health advocate.

As I break up with my dismissive doctor, I hope my story serves as a reminder to all that your health matters, your concerns are valid, and your voice deserves to be heard.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you’re not being taken seriously, remember: trust your gut, stand up for yourself, and keep pushing for the answers you deserve.

image credit:egakusdiarto

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Finding Strength and Joy: Visiting the oncology ward patients with my therapy dog

Life often takes us on unexpected paths, revealing both profound challenges and moments of incredible resilience. In this post, I share my journey of visiting patients at an Oncology ward with my therapy dog George. What makes this experience particularly poignant is the fact that I too am dealing with cancer on two fronts. Breast cancer and an unrelated non-Hodgkins Lymphoma in my abdominal region.

Together, George and I embarked on a visit to bring solace, hope, and unconditional love to those navigating their own cancer journeys.

A Shared Bond

George and I share an unbreakable bond. He has worked with people of all ages from toddlers through to the elderly and he instinctively knows how to be gentle and loving with everyone. He and I are united in our determination to make a positive impact on others facing all sorts of challenges in life.

Overcoming Obstacles

Visiting the Oncology ward with George is no easy feat, given that I too have cancer. However, the desire to bring comfort to cancer patients outweighs any obstacle in our path. Together, we navigated the corridors of the hospital, fuelled by a shared purpose to uplift spirits, and bring smiles to weary faces.

Despite the difficulties, George’s presence by my side offers a renewed sense of purpose and strength. Everybody was happy to see him and get all the pats – both staff and patients alike! Cuddles all round for everyone! So much happiness, joy and giant smiles!

Finding Empathy and Connection

As George and I entered the Oncology ward, the air was thick with emotions. The patients, each fighting their own battles, recognized a kindred spirit in our presence. The shared understanding of the challenges we face created an instant connection—a silent reassurance that they are not alone. Through George’s gentle interactions and my own empathetic conversations, we forged bonds that transcend words, offering solace and a camaraderie and a feeling of friendships made.

Moments of Healing

In the Oncology ward, the power of George’s therapy work is magnified by my personal understanding of cancer’s impact. We witnessed the transformative effect of his presence, as patients’ weary faces lit up with joy.

The simple act of petting George’s soft fur became a source of comfort and respite, momentarily transporting them away from the sterile hospital environment. In those moments, I also found solace and purpose, knowing that I am making a difference in someone else’s journey.

We shared our personal stories and journeys, noting many similarities and some stark differences. Men and women of all age groups were there. Every single person was excited to have time with George and for me to stop by for a chat and a laugh (and yes, we all still have a sense of humour!)

Reflection and Gratitude

As I reflect on our visit to the Oncology ward, I am filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude. George’s gentle soul and unwavering love has not only touched the lives of patients but also provided me with strength and purpose on my own cancer journey. In the act of giving, we receive a powerful reminder of the resilience of the human spirit and the healing power of love and companionship.

Visiting patients with George was a beautiful time of sharing our love. In spreading joy to those in need, George and I discovered a renewed strength and purpose. As we navigate the challenging terrain of cancer, we find solace in the connections we forge, the smiles we bring, and the hope we instill.

Together, we demonstrate that even in the face of adversity, love and compassion can prevail, lighting the way for brighter tomorrows.

a photo of two hands, one comforting the other

Main image credit:WaggingTailsPhotography

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Healing Energy: Nurturing Well-Being on the Cancer Journey

It’s been a little while since I gave you all a health update 😊

And I’m not entirely sure what to say. I have good days and days where I’m just really super tired and a bit emotional. But that’s normal for my new normal. Today started off good and now it’s not so great, that’s the way it goes.

I had to go back to my Haematologist a bit earlier than planned for my follow-up. I have been quite unwell over the last month and that ended up with a visit to the ER and a CT scan.

On that scan they picked up that the Lymphoma has gotten worse.

I’ve had more blood tests, yet another CT scan, and another PET scan.

I get the results and discuss treatment options/plans this coming Monday.

Then I will know the next stage of this rather strange and fascinating journey that I am on.

All in all, I am deeply grateful for the support of my beautiful and loving daughter and the care and love of my partner. I have not enough words to express the depth of love I feel for these special people without whom I would be lost.

Now onto the main topic – meditation & mindfulness and how these two practices are shaping my life:

Dealing with cancer is undoubtedly one of life’s most profound challenges. The physical and emotional toll it takes can be overwhelming, leading to a rollercoaster of good and challenging days. In the midst of this turbulent journey, however, lies the transformative potential of meditation and mindfulness. Personally I find that these practices offer solace, strength, and a renewed perspective, reminding me of the privilege of life and the importance of valuing my health and well-being.

Navigating the Ups and Downs

Living with cancer can be an unpredictable journey, with good days and challenging days intertwined. On the good days, when energy and optimism surge, it’s essential to embrace them fully. These moments allows me to savour life’s simple pleasures, appreciate the beauty around me, and strengthens my resolve to fight.

However, I’ve found it’s equally important to acknowledge and honour the challenging days when fatigue, pain, or emotional turmoil loom large. These moments can be disheartening, but they, too, hold valuable lessons and opportunities for growth.

The Role of Meditation and Mindfulness

I have found that both meditation and mindfulness are invaluable tools for navigating the peaks and valleys of my cancer journey. By training my mind to be present and aware, these practices have enabled me to find inner peace and resilience amidst uncertainty.

Here’s how they can make a significant difference:

  1. Cultivating Inner Calm:

Through meditation, I have learned to focus my attention on the present moment, allowing worries and anxieties to fade into the background. By observing my thoughts without judgment, I have been able to reduce stress and foster a sense of calm, even in the face of adversity.

  1. Enhancing Emotional Well-being:

Cancer can bring forth a range of emotions, from fear and sadness to anger and frustration. Mindfulness has helped me to improve my emotional intelligence, allowing me to acknowledge and process these feelings without being consumed by them. By cultivating self-compassion, I have found solace and acceptance within myself.

  1. Building Resilience:

Meditation has really strengthened my ability to respond to adversity with resilience. It has absolutely helped me develop a deep inner wellspring of strength and equanimity, enabling me to bounce back from setbacks and face each day with renewed determination.

  1. Connecting with the Present Moment:

Cancer can disrupt my sense of time, pulling me into thoughts of the past or worries about the future. Mindfulness always brings me back to the present moment, helping me appreciate the beauty and wonder of life that exists in the here and now. It allows me to experience moments of joy, love, and gratitude amidst the challenges that I currently face.

Embracing Life’s Privilege

The cancer journey inevitably confronts us with the fragility and preciousness of life. Each day becomes an opportunity to cherish the gift of existence and to honour my health and well-being. Meditation and mindfulness serve as gentle reminders to value the present moment and nourish my body, mind, and spirit.

By incorporating meditation and mindfulness into my life, I have cultivated a deeper connection with myself and the world around me. I have become more attuned to my body, listening to its needs and responding with care. I have learned to appreciate the small joys and find beauty in even the most difficult of circumstances. Ultimately, I have recognized that every breath is a privilege, and every day is an opportunity for growth and gratitude.

As cancer presents its myriad challenges, the power of meditation and mindfulness shines through as a beacon of hope and strength. These practices provide invaluable tools for navigating the unpredictable journey with grace and resilience.

By embracing the good and challenging days alike, I find I can foster a deeper appreciation for life’s preciousness.

Let us remember to value our health and well-being, cherishing each moment as a privilege and a gift.

image credit: RizelleAnneGalvez. Words my own.

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